You Can't Cheat an Honest Man
1939
Whipsnade: I'm taking on the personality of a Mexican jumping bean. First the contortionist gets rheumatism. Then the sword-swallower gets tonsilitis. Hope nothing happens to that fan dancer... not 'til I get rid of this cold, anyway.
Whipsnade: You kids are disgusting! Standing around all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.
Whipsnade: (sings in shower) I'd rather have two girls / At twenty-one each / Than one girl at forty-two!
Man: There's been a mistake in my change. Whipsnade: Ah, at long last, an honest man. Want to return some money? Man: No, I'm short! Whipsnade: Don't brag about it. I'm only five-feet-eight myself.
Whipsnade: As my dear old grandfather Litvak said (just before they swung the trap) , he said "You can't cheat an honest man. Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump."
Charlie McCarthy: Is that your nose or are you eating a tomato?
Edgar Bergen: You know, I've got a good mind... Charlie McCarthy: So why don't you use it?
Whipsnade: Never trust a ventriloquist or a barber.
Charlie McCarthy: Oh, I hope it doesn't hit anyone. Except one.
Whipsnade: I'll introduce you to a pair of beavers!
Whipsnade: This way, ladies and gentlemen, this way. Right up on this platform. The world's greatest novelty. The Pronkwonk Twins! Elwood and Brentwood. Elwood is ten minutes older than Brentwood and has been in a hurry ever since. Ladies and gentlemen, Brentwood is the smallest giant in the world, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science.