X-Play

2003

Co-host: (during the "Meet the Sess" segment) You like Xenosaga? What the fuck is your problem?

Co-host: (talking about the game "Michael Jackson's Moonwalker" for the Sega Genesis) It is sort of ironic that he was rescuing small children from predatory men in it. Co-host: He's also rescuing them from ninjas! Co-host: I would really like to see a ninja molestation trial. (slight pause, almost sheepishly) Bet that would give a whole new meaning to the term "blow dart". Co-host: You're weird. Co-host: Hah!

announcer: Dude, where's the party at? 'Cause it ain't with Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb! Co-host: There's a party here! Co-host: Speak for yourself, Sessler.

Co-host: Hello and welcome to X-Play, the show that brings you merciless game reviews such as this one: Co-host: Splinter Cell for the Nintendo DS... still sucks!

Co-host: (after having given "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Melee" a 1 out of 5) All right, in case you don't understand, don't buy this game! Don't rent this game! Simply insert it into the toilet and flush, and if the Blockbuster employees try and stop you... run.

Co-host: And we have World War II, the game. (slight pause) Again. Co-host: Yes, it's another damn World War II game. Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I said that, I could finally afford to buy myself a pony. Co-host: (excited) You like ponies too? Co-host: Yeah!

Co-host: We, uh, do a lot to endear ourselves to the Canadian viewers. Co-host: Wait, aren't you Canadian? Co-host: Only when it suits me.

Co-host: And the PS3, I don't know how expensive *that's* gonna be, but I'll sell one of my kidneys if need be. Co-host: You still have healthy and functioning kidneys? Co-host: I didn't *say* healthy and functioning!

Co-host: (after discussing the Naked Raiden segment of Metal Gear Solid 2) Welcome to my world, Sessler. Welcome to my *naked*, *cartwheeling* world. Co-host: Thanks for having me.

Co-host: Bad music in games causes gamers a sharp, sudden pain not unlike a swift kick to the testicles... not that I'd know what that felt like.

Co-host: (after the review of EA's Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects) Okay, now I have to bring this up; unlike Marvel vs. Capcom, which uses actual Capcom characters to fight Marvel icons, this game just made up some cheap-ass original characters. EA, if you want to make a fighting game, we wanna see some of your iconic characters! I wanna see John Madden stomp on Ironman's ass! I wanna see Wolverine finally attack The Sims! And I wanna see Frodo's furry little foot up Daredevil's ass! Co-host: And I wanna see Tiger Woods attack Spiderman just because I would find it funny. Co-host: That's not the point!

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