White Chicks
2004
Heather Vandergeld: Look who just flew in from the slums of Beverly Hills. Megan Vandergeld: It's the Beverly Ho-Billies. Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) Squeeze me? Kevin Copeland: (as Brittany Wilson) Oh no, you didn't? Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) I'm sorry, but uhm... we just saw your new video. Yea, they had a screening over at Saks Fifth Avenue in the security office (laughs) A klept-ho-maniac! (laughs) Megan Vandergeld: (arrogantly) Your mother shops at Saks. Marcus Copeland: (indignantly) (as Tiffany Wilson) What? (the Vandergeld sisters proudly do siss-fingers) Kevin Copeland: (as Brittany Wilson) Oh my God. You want to talk about mothers? You wanna talk about mothers! It's mother time, okay! Your mother's so dumb she went to Dr Dre for a Pap smear! "Something's wrong, Dr Dre! My coochie's doing a beatbox!" Heather Vandergeld: Well yea? Your mother's so stupid she exercises when she could just get like, liposuction or something! Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) Your mother's so old that her breast milk is powdered. You breast-feed like this: (blows powder from hand, and everyone starts to laugh) Heather Vandergeld: Your mother is so, like... She's so... (to Megan) Megan you go! Megan Vandergeld: Your mother is so stupid that she goes to Barney's Rooftop Deck Restaurant for lunch and orders a niçoise salad and calls it a 'ni-coise' salad. 'Ni-coise' salad, right? Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) Your mother's ass is so hairy, it looks like Don King's about to pop out and say, "Only in America!"
(approaching the reception desk in the Royal Hamptons Hotel, Marcus, dressed as Tiffany Wilson, stumbles toward the counter) Kevin Copeland: (as Brittany Wilson) Sweetie! You've got to slow up with those cosmos! Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) Tee-hee! Oh, fine. Kevin Copeland: (as Brittany Wilson) Brittany and Tiffany Wilson, checking in! (slams into postcard and knick-knack holder, scattering items *loudly* across reception desk with his fake breasts) Sorry, um, they're new. Dr Dorfman did an amazing job. Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson, squeezing Brittany's fake breasts) Feels so real!
Marcus Copeland: You hit like a bitch! C'mon.
Latrell Spencer: Once you go black, you gonna need a wheelchair.
(dressed as Tiffany Wilson, Marcus and the girls lay peacefully on a sunny beach) Tori: I am so glad I got waxed today. Karen: Ugh, me too. What did you get? Tori: The Bald Eagle. Karen: I got the Bermuda Triangle. Lisa: The Landing Strip. Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) I got the Buckwheat. Karen: Ewww, that's sick. Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) Ahh, what a beautiful sunny day! (shadow falls over body) Oh, my God, what happened to the sun? Ahh! Latrell Spencer: Easy white chocolate, I wouldn't want you to melt. Marcus Copeland: (as Tiffany Wilson) Yeah, hasta la vista Schwarzenegro. Okay, bye.
Tiffany Wilson: I am so... frick-in'... pissed!
Kevin Copeland: I'm gonna have a BF! Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God, she's gonna have a bitch fit! Hotel clerk: No, don't d-d-d-don't have a, a, a BF now. Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter! Marcus Copeland: You, are in big, trouble! Kevin Copeland: Dear Mister Royal Hampton. I am a white woman, in America.
(gives dog to hotel clerk) Marcus Copeland: Take good care of him, oh, and teach him how to say "Yo quiero Taco Bell". Kay?