Viva la Bam
2003
Bam Margera: (during Phil's Hell Day) Dad, we need a fire pole!
Bam's Crew: Hey, why don't we ever do this cool shit to my house? Bam Margera: Because you don't have a house. Bam's Crew: Oh yeah.
Bam's Mom: I hope you're having fun 'cuz we could be walking into hell, - the gates of hell.
Bam Margera: We need a firepole, mom. Bam's Mom: I don't believe it. Are you insane?
Bam's Uncle: You guys are a bunch of Vulcan idiots.
Bam's Uncle: He's got no tiddly just joogle, you can't just goat duggle. Hammer and nail and hammer, something and expect it to grow! Beglat you've got these idiots... Sitting hernwhaga ehhhm, just sitting glawhahwaglahhh. What they're doing!
Bam Margera: Vito's finally number one but he's driving a car full of number two!
Bam's Crew: It aint gonna happen. Bam Margera: Wanna bet, ass-whipe?
Bam's Dad: So... the house is safe? Bam Margera: Nothing is really "safe".
Bam's Uncle: (at the blackjack table) I'm good. I'm good. I ain't gonna hit on a 20. Are you sick in the head?... Who's gonna hit on a 20? You gotta be mentally insane. Whadberderrr... habberdere!
Bam's Dad: (while Don Vito is getting a blue hair dye job) They don't have a bouncer here ya know. When he gets up and sees that we're gonna need bouncers.
Bam Margera: We're also gonna give Don Vito a soul patch. I don't know where the hair came from but how you like my new belt? Bam's Crew: EWWWWWWWW!
Bam's Dad: You're in trouble. Bam's Mom: Yeah. I know I'm in trouble.
Bam Margera: Well, we took a turn to Skatopia, so we might not make it to Mardi Gras, but at least we're pissing Vito off!
Bam's Uncle: There were no Jeeps in the Civil War! This doesn't make any sense! Bam Margera: We're from the future!
Bam's Dad: Well, you know what, you're probably hungry. I'll just see if you can eat. Bam's Crew: You'll just watch me eat it? Bam's Dad: You'll drop something.
Bam Margera: Compton Ass terry is gonna be... Compton Ass Terry: STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON!
Bam's Dad: We're not supposed to have a fence, is this considered a fence? Bam Margera: It's a wall. Bam's Dad: It's a wall? So it's legal?
Bam's Mom: Don't you feel good doing community service? Bam's Uncle: No I don't. I'd rather be at home watching Columbo.
Bam Margera: Merry Christmas, ya little yerks!
Bam Margera: My mom's side they're straight-laced. They do everything by the book. But my whole dad's side of the family grew up next to this gnarley power plant in Linwood Pa, and I have a feeling that all that radiation just #*&@with my whole family because everybody's nuts.
Bam Margera: We're packin' up all out s**t, and we're bailin' out.
Bam's Mom: (to Don Vito) You could be bought in a second, you little whore.
Bam's Uncle: What are you? Retarded or something?
Bam's Uncle: Do you wanna die or do ya wanna live? Live or die?
Bam's Mom: Shouldn't you be testing the suite for flamability? Himself - Carpenter: That can be the next test!
Bam Margera: Now, we're bailin' out to the new house.
Himself - Carpenter: (to Don Vito) You gotta get psyched!
Bam Margera: Hey Vito! I'm going skating! Bam's Uncle: How can you skate? You don't have nuts!
Bam's Dad: If Elvis was alive, we'd get something from Elvis... but he's dead."
Bam Margera: Ya just don't get it, Vito, do ya? Bam's Uncle: No! I don't get it! It's crazy! Bam Margera: Ya just don't get it, Vito. Ya just don't get it.
Bam's Crew: Jump in ya fatass!
Bucky Lasek: Are we gonna see Girls Gone Totally Wild? Bam Margera: We're gonna see Girls Gone Apeshit!
Bam Margera: Don't be a pussy Phil.
Bam's Uncle: TURN THE LIGHTS BACK ON! Geez, Bam. I've got places to go and people to see...
Bam's Uncle: Now you've got my eyes covered with ice-en-ning!
Himself - Carpenter: First of all, lemme thank you for leaving me Dico! Yeah, he's been a real help. Next time, could you please leave me with someone who can read a tape measure?
Bam's Crew: You just don't go in the Playboy Mansion! Bam's Uncle: YESHU DO! When ya're got a 20 year perscription they let you in!
Bam's Mom: Go ahead... hit me with the mustard. Bam's Uncle: (throws mustard at her) I told you it was gonna happen. Bam's Uncle: (april hits vito) Yo! Bam's Uncle: (bam pours water over april's head) Aahhahaha I Love It!
Bam's Dad: Is any one left in your will mom? Who, Jess is, right? Bam's Grandmother (Mum-Mum) : No, he wasn't a virgin 'til he got married. Bam's Dad: That's impossible to do that! Bam's Grandmother (Mum-Mum) : In the olden days people did it. Bam Margera: That's crazy! Bam's Dad: You can't do that... Bam Margera: You gotta testdrive the car before you buy it Mum-Mum. Bam's Grandmother (Mum-Mum) : I think you testdrove a lot of cars.
Bam Margera: I thought of new hole. Bam's Crew: What? Bam Margera: My foot up Rabb's asshole!
Himself - Bam's Crew: (whilst trying to find a date for Don Vito, shows a picture to some ladies) Having sex with him would be like a threesome every time
(from the opening creditd) Announcer: Bam Margera. What will he do next? Bam Margera: Whatever the fuck I want.
Bam Margera: (after Phil makes Bam turn off the Jukebox) What a boner killer. Bam's Dad: That's not a boner killer.
Bam Margera: This isn't Disney World. You're in Bam World now.
Bam Margera: What country are we in? Bam's Uncle: Switzer-Land Bam. Bam Margera: And what are ya wearing? Bam's Uncle: The Liederhosen you gave me.
Bam Margera: Looks like we're ready for Monaco. Ready to go outside? Bam's Uncle: Yeah Bam I just wanna go to the beach. Bam Margera: Do you know the rules of Monaco? Bam's Uncle: Naw they got stupid rules... Bam Margera: You cant talk loud. Bam's Uncle: ... itza stupid kazixta stupid country, datzall i know. Bam Margera: -whispering- Whisper. Bam's Uncle: Whisper What? Bam Margera: -whispering- Whisper, Shhhhh. Bam's Uncle: What whisper then we'll get outta this town, and I can get outta this suit if I whisper? Bam Margera: -whispering- Yes whisper. Bam's Uncle: -whispering- I'll whisper lets go... I hate Monaco... Pistachio... Pistachio.
Bam's Uncle: I can't believe you have elephants coming into your house. Bam's Mom: I know, but I'm letting you in anyway.
Bam's Crew: How are we going to spot 'em? Bam's Crew: Are you kidding? We're looking for Phil. He's not too hard to pick out. Bam's Crew: He's like the size of three Frenchmen!
Bam Margera: Is that all you do is bitch? Bam's Mom: I bitch because you're my*son*!
Bam Margera: (preparing to plant trees at a retirement home) These trees and these old people have one thing in common - they're both going in the ground soon!
Bam's Mom: Bam! Your friends just buried my car in snow! Bam Margera: They're not my friends.
Bam Margera: (while in France) Don't look American!
Bam's Dad: What the hell are you doing here? Oderus: I couldn't sleep upstairs, it frightens me! Bam's Dad: But your friends are there, doesn't that make you. Oderus: (shouts) They're not my friends! Bam's Mom: Oh, my God! This is just like the Exorcist.
Oderus: (shouts) Where is Bam Bam?
(after Vito made Bams Hummer drive off that cliff thing.) Bam Margera: Vito... I'm proud of you! You thought this all through!
Bam's Uncle: Best Germany ever.
Bam's Uncle: (to Bam) I thought you died. I was happy.
Bam's Mom: (to Bam) You know, you're lucky that you're my kid. Bam Margera: Why? Bam's Mom: Because if you weren't my kid, I would kill you.
Bam Margera: This is where the montage starts.