Up the Chastity Belt
1971
(Lurkalot is reciting the final part of the movies opening prologue) Lurkalot: And so they made me a serf, a servant. And they named me Lurklalot. Because I do.
(Lurkalot is warning Lady Ashfordel of the severity of Sir Braggart's intentions towards Lady Lobelia) Lurkalot: Besides Sir Braggart will be gross mispleased when he finds out your daughter Lobelia is not Chaste. Well she is. But she falls down a lot. Even now she lies with the woodman. Lady Asfordel: That's not true. He merely went up to stoke her fire. Lurkalot: Well. That's one way of putting it.
(Lurkalot is making up some potion in his Laboratory as he speaks to the naive, mentally deficient Knot Weed De Custard) . Knotweed: (pointing) What's that? Lurkalot: That is my latest batch of home made Aphrodisiac. Knotweed: Well. What's that? Lurkalot: Aphrodisiac? Well it you know. Gets you going. Knotweed: Going where? Lurkalot: Look. This is for people you see who want to, but they can't. And they take some of this you see, and they can. Like Rattlesnakes. Knotweed: Do What? Lurkalot: (exasperated) Rattle.
(Knotweed is clearly impressed with the bold, if camp, Merry Men of Sherwwod Forest) Knotweed: Aren't they magnificent. You know Lurkalot I must confess I'm bent on joining them. Lurkalot: I've got a feeling you'll have to be.
Scheherazade: (performing the film's title song) Give me a modern man who knows how it has to be / Not some old miser who's guarding my chastity / Treating his woman as though she were some kind of chattel / It's unnatural / Give me a born true fighter who'll willingly tilt for me / Not some poor flower who'll suddenly wilt when he's hard / Pressed, right in the thick of the battle / Oh for a knight for my nights! / Oh for a knight for my nights! /