Up in Smoke

1978

(stoned cop walks to window) Cop: What do you guys want?

Pedro: Hey how am I driving, man? Man Stoner: (looks around) : I think we're parked.

Pedro: Man, what is in this shit, man? Man Stoner: Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it. Pedro: What's Labrador? Man Stoner: It's dog shit. Pedro: What? Man Stoner: Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man. Pedro: Yeah? Man Stoner: I had it on the table and the little motherfucker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know? Pedro: You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man? Man Stoner: Gets ya high, don't it? (Song, "Rockin' Robin" plays...) Man Stoner: I think it's even better than before, you know? Pedro: Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.

Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico? Pedro: A week. I mean a day. Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day? Pedro: A weekday.

Man Stoner: Man my legs hurt. Pedro: Yeah I bet!

Man: You wanna get high man? Pedro: Does Howdy Doody got wooden Balls man?

Arnold Stoner: When, boy? When, are you gonna get your act together?

Man Stoner: Yeah, that 'Nam grass will fuck anyone up, man!

Arnold Stoner: You get a goddamn job before sundown, or we're shipping you off to military school with the goddamn Finkelstein-shit kid! Son of a bitch!

Strawberry: The great outdoors!

Pedro: It's punk rock, Man! We can do that; we can be punks, Man!

(Man has disguised himslef as a woman while hitchhiking) Man Stoner: Hey, man; I'm glad you picked me up, man. I was about to freeze my balls off. Pedro de Pacas: Man, I was hopin' you didn't have no balls.

Pedro: (laughing while stoned) Way anchor! How much does it weigh? I don't know, I forgot! pffhhh! Ha ha I saw that in a movie once... !

Arresting Officer: Sir, could I please see your license? Pedro: Whuut? Arresting Officer: Your license. Where's your license? Pedro: It's back there on the bumper, man! Arresting Officer: No, I mean your DRIVER'S license. Pedro: Oh yeah, I got the bullshit back here man... (gets license with great difficulty) Pedro: Hey I thought'a somethin' really funny, man... Your mother! (laughs) Arresting Officer: (after dirty look, of course) Sir, what's your name? Pedro: uuhhh... Isn't in on the license, man? Yeah, that's it! Pedro La Parcas, man, that's my name...

Arresting Officer: (to Man) Sir, what's your name? Pedro: Whut? I told you my name, man! Arresting Officer: (to Man) Sir... what's YOUR name? Pedro: (to Man) Hey man! The dude wants to know your name, man! (Man vomits onto the floor of the car) Pedro: Uuhhh - His name is RAALLLPH, man!

(Pedro is having a panic attack after smoking Man's dope) Man Stoner: Here, man, mellow out. Here, take this (Pedro swallows the capsule) No, wait a minute don't take that. Pedro: (Worried) Hey, man; what was that shit you gave me? Man Stoner: Man, that was the most acid I ever saw anyone take at one time, man. Pedro: (panicing) Acid! Man, I don't mess with that shit, man. A guy in my neighborhood took some once, his head swelled up and everything, man! Man Stoner: (laughing) Ho, ho, ho; man, I hope you're not planning on doing anything for the next couple of months.

Man Stoner: (to Pedro, who is in the throes of panic) HEY! MELLOW OUT, MAN!

Pedro: Don't worry, man. Those aren't narcs, they're Las Emigras; you know, the Immigration Service looking for illegal aliens. Man Stoner: What's the Immigration Service doing here, man? Pedro: My cousin needed a ride to his brother's wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Emigras, man. They'll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they'll just come back across the border.

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