Two Weeks Notice

2002

(talking about a leather belt) George Wade: What do you think of this? Too ornate? Or do you think it's... beltacular.

George Wade: I own the hotel, and I live there. My life is very much like Monopoly.

June Carter: Do you know what I like even more than chess? George Wade: Pokemon?

George Wade: I'm now poor. When I say I'm poor, I mean we may have to share a helicopter with another family.

Meryl Brooks: Come on, I've known you since Brownies, and the only time I ever saw you cry was when Bush won. Lucy Kelson: Which one? Meryl Brooks: Well, both of them.

George Wade: Before you came into my life I could make all kinds of decisions now I'm addicted I have to know what you think. What do you think? (holds up cuff links) Lucy Kelson: I think your the most selfish human being on the planet. George Wade: Well that's just silly. Have you met everybody on the planet?

Lucy Kelson: Please don't tell me you called me out of a wedding to pick out a suit.

Tony: All men are pawns when it comes to women.

George Wade: You make Ghandi look like a used cars saleseman.

Tony: She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping... Like a doll. (Lucy snores loudly) George Wade: A doll with a sinus problem.

George Wade: I find you... annoying.

Lucy Kelson: You called everyone but Slurpee Heaven. George Wade: That is not true. I did call Slurpee Heaven. They didn't want you. Heard you had attitude. Said you weren't "Slurpee" material.

Meryl Brooks: I used to be afraid of being alone, then I got married. Now I'll never be alone again...

George Wade: Well, we obviously can't leave you alone with that stapler.

Helen Wade: Would you like anything? George Wade: I'd love some Milk Duds. Helen Wade: We don't have any, I could send out for one. George Wade: Oh, no, don't be ridiculous. If you're going to send out, get a whole box.

George Wade: This whole project is worth about 50 million in profits. Ruth Kelson: No offense, but I think it's *immoral* for one person to acquire that much wealth. How do you sleep at night? George Wade: Well, I have a machine that simulates the sound of the ocean. Larry Kelson: Do those really work? George Wade: Oh, yes, quite well actually.

Lucy Kelson: Oh good, while you're at it, be sure to massage his cloven hoof. George Wade: Girls, I'm starting to feel a pain in my ass...

George Wade: And did you tell Billy you loved him? Did you say, 'Billy, I love you'?

Lucy Kelson: (talking on the phone with a girl George met at the bar) The man you're dancing with is deeply troubled. You're much to young to be trading yourself like a stock on the Nasdaq to a man who will not be remembering your name... or his in the morning, is still married, and recently developed a very suspicious rash. Now go home, finish high school and reach your potential!

Lucy Kelson: What did I tell you that defines an emergency? George Wade: A large meteoroid, severe blood loss and uh... what was the other thing? Lucy Kelson: Death! And you're not dead!

George Wade: If you have to go, just... go! Lucy Kelson: What? What am I, five years old? This is my car! George Wade: It's only a Volvo. Lucy Kelson: People just don't *go* in Volvos. George Wade: I'll buy you another Volvo! Lucy Kelson: No! Besides, that is the only thing you'll ever remember about me... that I'm the woman who *went* on the front seat. George Wade: Well, that would be hard to forget.

Lucy Kelson: Oh, well, I can swing a racket. George Wade: Yes I know, at my head, I've experienced it.

Meryl Brooks: You should have gone with George Lucy Kelson: He asked June Meryl Brooks: He asked you too! Lucy Kelson: He asked me too? How many women does a man need to take to dinner? Maybe in Utah.

Lucy Kelson: I'll give you a twenty for your cab! Man Getting into Cab: Keep your twenty and have dinner with me. Lucy Kelson: You keep your dinner, I'll keep my twenty, and we'll call it a deal! (gets into cab)

Lucy Kelson: George, I have an ulcer, I don't sleep well, mostly because you keep calling me in the middle of the night, and if you dont call me I dream that you're gonna call me. I think about you in the shower (George gives her a look) ... not in a good way, but in an I'm-so-distracted-I-can't-remember-if-I-washed-my-hair kinda way - so I'll wash my hair twice! So I have a hole in my stomach, I'm running out of shampoo and today is the first day in my life that I did not give a thousand percent on the job. And I hate that feeling.

Meryl Brooks: It was a fight for Tom, and it was the best thing I ever did. Tom: Everything all right down there? Meryl Brooks: Not now! EVERYTHING is not about you.

Paul the Attorney: (Lucy is in an interview for a job) Actually, our prosecuting attorney who quit yesterday called this morning and decided to come back. Lucy Kelson: When did Mr Wade call. Paul the Attorney: Mr Wade didn't call. Lucy Kelson: WHEN. Paul the Attorney: Maybe about an hour ago.

Larry Kelson: (talking to Lucy on the phone) Come over for some strawberry ice-cream. Ruth Kelson: (ripping the phone out of his hand.) Oh, you have Tofutti! You heard what the doctor said, your cholesterol is over 300! You're... basically a solid.

George Wade: (talking about Lucy's mother) Yes, she is terrifying. I thought she was going to kill me and feed me to the poor.

Howard Wade: You need someone who can write a brief instead of removing yours.

Lucy Kelson: So do we have a... a deal? George Wade: No. I want something else from you. Lucy Kelson: (chortles incredulously.) Oh, no. I am fully aware of your reputation and there's no way you're getting... that. No. George Wade: Getting what? Lucy Kelson: You know what. Sex. There's no way you're getting... that. No. George Wade: Well, that would be nice. But what I really need is a new chief counsel. Lucy Kelson: (beat) Honestly, I think I'd rather have the sex.

George Wade: Divorce always gives me an appetite. Kabob? Lucy Kelson: No thanks. I've never really warmed to the idea of a *flesh* popsicle.

Norman: (reading his farewell poem to Lucy) A rolling stone gathers no moss / So you're leaving with your antacids and floss / Our hair we may toss / But we are at a loss / Because you are the world's best boss.

George Wade: (showing up late to his divorce hearing) Sorry everyone. Did I miss the blessed event? Lucy Kelson: (under her breath) Check with me before you talk.

Lucy Kelson: (during divorce proceedings.) You're referring to the alleged infidelity? Lauren Wade: *Alleged?* He was having sex with her in our *bed*. George Wade: Well, I knew how worried you were about getting anything on that sofa.

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