Two of a Kind

1998

Carrie: Oh, Pig Wheels I got a set of those on mine.

Nancy Carlson: How many other romantic, single guys are there out there? Kevin Burke: Two, but they're dating each other.

(Carrie had made home-made chunky cranberry sauce. Kevin gets home from work...) Kevin Burke: That's not cranberry sauce. (holding his hands one on top of the other about six inches apart) Cranberry sauce is yay-high, shaped like a can.

Kevin Burke: There's a but isn't there? Carrie: No... Kevin Burke: Good Carrie: However . . . However is not but.

Marci: Oh, hey, who's that? Ashley Burke: Carrie? Oh, she's just... Mary-Kate Burke: Another one of dad's girlfriends! Marci: Oh... your dad has other girlfriends? Ashley Burke: Yeah, but don't worry. I think he likes you the best.

Ashley Burke: Being a twin bites monkeys!

(after Mary-Kate slammed her head on the locker door) Nicole: Hi Ashley! Mary-Kate Burke: She's Ashley. I'm Mary-Kate. The one with the gaping head wound.

Mary-Kate Burke: It's a sleep over. Wait till someone falls alseep, duct tape them to the floor, and tell them the house is on fire.

(trying to drive Marci away) Marci: So... your sister's not feelin' too well, huh? Mary-Kate Burke: Who cares? Ashley's always sick. She loves the attention. She's dad's favorite, you know? Marci: Oh, I bet that's not true. Mary-Kate Burke: Oh, believe me! He's always running out to get stuff for her. But he won't even pick me up a pack of cigarettes. You don't have a smoke on you, do you? Marci: Me... uh... no, I don't. I don't smoke. And I don't think that you should either. Mary-Kate Burke: Tell me about it. I'm thinking of getting the patch.

Carrie: (about Mary-Kate's homing pigeon that never returned) I cannot believe the bird just... flew away! Eddie Fairbanks: Yeah, birds flying... go figure.

Mary-Kate Burke: (after seeing the neighbor Ashley claimed she saw get murdered) Mr Filmore looks pretty good for someone who was sliced up and stuffed into a garbage can!

Carrie: Come on, Sammy! Let's see if you earn some of that $10.2 mil. Kevin Burke: Carrie? Carrie: Professor, what are you doing here? Making sure the Cubs are in bed by 9: 00? Kevin Burke: The girls told me these were such great seats, I had to check them out myself. Who's up? Carrie: Sammy Sosa. Kevin Burke: Come on, Sammy! I always knew you were worth that money they're payin' ya.

Jeremy: Mary-Kate, you know how I said I can swing dance. Well, I can't. The truth is I can't dance. Mary-Kate Burke: Then why did you say that you were good swing dancer? Jeremy: Well, 'cause most people can. Some kids find it pretty easy. Mary-Kate Burke: Well, I didn't until 3 days ago. Jeremy: You mean, you learned swing dancing, 'cause of me? Mary-Kate Burke: Maybe. Jeremy: Wow. You know, slow dancing doesn't look so hard. Do you think you could teach me how to do that? Mary-Kate Burke: I can try, come on.

Eddie Fairbanks: So I hear you're dating Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Carrie: You told Mr Negativity about my personal life? Kevin Burke: Hey, it was my personal life first.

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