Twin Peaks
1990
Dale Cooper: In the grand design, women were definitely drawn from a different set of blueprints.
Jerry Horne: We had those Vikings by the horns! What happened? Ben Horne: We're not 100% sure. They took their translator with them.
Windom Earle: The only thing Columbus discovered was that he was lost!
Pete Martell: She's dead! Wrapped in plastic.
Sarah Palmer: Laura, sweetheart, I'm not going to tell you again. (She takes a drag on a cigarette) Yes I am. Laura!
Benjamin Horne: We have solid information that the Packard Sawmill is going to go belly-up within a year. We're going to be able to get it for a song. One verse, no chorus.
Benjamin Horne: If you'll permit me, Sven, to repeat what you told me this morning after your run: "My air sacks have never felt so good."
Bobby Briggs: You think because I wasn't at football practice that I killed my girlfriend?
Jocelyn 'Josie' Packard: Peter, push the plug.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Diane, 11: 30 a.m., February Twenty-fourth. Entering the town of Twin Peaks, five miles south of the Canadian border, twelve miles west of the state line. I've never seen so many trees in my life. As W. C. Fields would say, I'd rather be here than Philadelphia. Fifty-four degrees on a slightly overcast day. Weatherman said rain. If you could get paid that kind of money for being wrong sixty percent of the time, it'd beat working. Mileage is seventy-nine thousand three hundred forty-five, gauge is on reserve, riding on fumes here, I've got to tank up when I get into town. Remind me to tell you how much that is. Lunch was, uh, six dollars and thirty-one cents at the Lamplighter Inn, that's on Highway Two near Lewis Fork. That was a tuna fish sandwich on whole wheat, slice of cherry pie, and a cup of coffee. Damn good food. Diane, if you ever get up this way that cherry pie is worth a stop. Okay. Looks like I'll be meeting up with the, ah, Sheriff Harry S. Truman. Shouldn't be too hard to remember that. He'll be at the Calhoun Memorial Hospital. I guess we're going to go up to intensive care and take a look at that girl that crawled down the railroad tracks off the mountain. When I finish there I'll be checking into a motel. I'm sure the sheriff will be able to recommend a clean place, reasonably priced. That's what I need, a clean place, reasonably priced.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Oh Diane, I almost forgot. Got to find out what kind of trees these are. They're really something.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Sheriff, what kind of fantastic trees have you got growing around here? Big, majestic. Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Douglas firs. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: (Marveling) Douglas firs...
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: This is Special Agent Dale Cooper. Dr Lawrence Jacoby: (He removes an earplug) Gary Cooper? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Agent Cooper.
Mike 'Snake' Nelson: Donna, you get to the sheriff's right now. (He drives off, tires squealing) Donna Hayward: Boy, I sure know how to pick 'em, huh. Nadine Hurley: (Nadine opens the front door of her house and yells) Ed! You waiting for those drapes to hang themselves? Big Ed Hurley: Yo, okay! (Nadine goes inside, slamming the door) Well, I know how to pick them too.
Sven Jorgenson: Excuse me, is there something wrong, young pretty girl? Audrey Horne: They found my friend Laura... lying facedown on a rocky beach... completely naked. She'd been murdered.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: There's over ten thousand dollars here. That's a lot of Girl Scout cookies.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: I think I saw a cottontail rabbit! Sheriff Harry S. Truman: It must have been a snowshoe rabbit. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Snowshoe? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Right. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Snowshoe. Snowshoe rabbit.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Who's the babe? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: That is one of the most beautiful women in the state, Mrs Packard. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Packard Sawmill? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Yep. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Where's Mr Packard? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Died in a boating accident last year. Andrew Packard practically built this town. Brought her over from Hong Kong six years ago. Left her everything, which didn't exactly please his sister. That's her right there. The original deep freeze. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Who's the glad-handing dandy? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Benjamin Horne, local big wig, he owns half the town. He's not after her, he's after her land. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Who's the lady with the log? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: We call her the log lady.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: I will remind you that these crimes occurred at night.
Dr Will Hayward: (He sees Bobby Briggs pretending to surf on the hood of his car with a beer in hand) You're not drinking and driving, are you? Mike 'Snake' Nelson: Well we're, uh, all pretty broken up about what happened today, sir. Besides, Bobby is doing most of the driving.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: You know why I'm whittling? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Okay, I'll, I'll bite again. Why are you whittling? FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light still means slow down, not speed up.
Joey Paulsen: (Commenting on the arrival of Mike and Bobby) Scotty, Mutt and Jeff just crawled in. Biker Scott: Oh, what a wonderful world.
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: I suppose you want me to follow them at a discreet distance. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Harry, you're all right.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: (Referring to an impressive array of doughnuts) A policeman's dream.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Sheriff, that reminds me. Can you recommend to me a good, inexpensive hotel or motel? Now it doesn't have to be fancy and I mean that. Sheriff Harry S. Truman: I can get you a good rate up at the Great Northern. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Because you know, I think I'm going to be here for some time, and these motels, they'll promise you a good rate and when you get there it's a whole different story. Now all I need is a bed, a bathroom, a telephone, and sometimes a television in the unlikely event that one day I'll get a chance to knock off early. Sheriff Harry S. Truman: I can get you a good rate up at the Great Northern. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Sold. Well, tomorrow comes early.
Bobby Briggs: (to James Hurley) When you least expect it... (He and Mike Nelson bark and howl)
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: (to the waitress who has just poured him a cup of coffee) Wait a minute, wait a minute. (he savors his first sip) FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: You know, this is - excuse me - a damn fine cup of coffee. I've had I can't tell you how many cups of coffee in my life and this, this is one of the best. Now I'd like two eggs over hard. I know, don't tell me, it's hard on the arteries, but old habits die hard, just about as hard as I want those eggs.
Audrey Horne: Do you like my ring? FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Very nice. Audrey Horne: You know, sometimes I get so flushed, it's interesting. Do your palms ever itch?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Harry, I really have to urinate.
Donna Hayward: Mom, it's so strange. I know I should be sad, and I am, part of me is. But it's like... it's like I'm having the most beautiful dream... and the most terrible nightmare, all at once.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: (He enters sanding a handcarved wooden whistle) Hi, Mike, Bobby. Now before we get started, have you two fellas got your stories straight? Bobby Briggs: If we tell the truth we don't have to get our stories straight. Mike 'Snake' Nelson: Besides, the sheriff told us we're just in here for fighting and, uh, it was self-defense. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Right. Well, I guess you can go then. Bobby Briggs: Now? FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Mm-hm. (as Mike and Bobby walk to the door, Cooper toots his whistle) Oh, fellas, one more thing. Pray for the health and safety of James Hurley, because if anything happens to him, I'm coming for you. (Mike and Bobby leave) Sheriff, what are you sitting around for? We've got places to go and people to see. Sheriff Harry S. Truman: You know, I think I'd better start studying medicine. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: And why is that? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Because I'm beginning to feel a bit like Dr Watson.
Jocelyn 'Josie' Packard: On top of the morning to you, Pete. Pete Martell: Uh, no, Josie, the expression is "top of the morning." And it's just barely morning!
Pete Martell: (Pouring coffee) Mr Cooper, how do you take it? FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Black as midnight on a moonless night. Pete Martell: Pretty black.
Benjamin Horne: If you ever pull another stunt like that, you are going to be scrubbing bidets in a Bulgarian convent. Audrey Horne: (mocking) Oh, Daddy, I'm so afraid.
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: (He sees the Log Lady seated nearby, cradling her log and drinking coffee) Log Lady. Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Right. FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: (He waves to her) Hi. (She looks away) Can I ask her about her log? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Many have.
Major Briggs: Achievement is its own reward, pride obscures it.
Dale Cooper: Major, I'm going to take a moment here. I feel the call of nature. There's nothing quite like urinating out in the open air.
Dale Cooper: (speaking into tape recorder) Diane, I'm holding in my hands a small box of chocolate bunnies.
Pete Martell: Fellas, don't drink that coffee! You'd never guess. There was a fish... *in* the percolator! Sorry...
Bobby Briggs: (asking Audrey what kind of ice cream she wants) Cup or cone? Audrey Horne: Cone. I like to lick.
Sheriff Truman: Jelly donuts? Dale Cooper: Harry, that goes without saying.
Gordon Cole: COOPER, YOU REMIND ME TODAY OF A SMALL MEXICAN CHI-WOW-WOW.
Catherine Packard Martell: Didn't he want to talk to me? Pete Martell: Yeah, but we told him you were on your world tour, he should contact your press agent.
Albert Rosenfield: Now you listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence. I pride myself on taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely pride, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. I love you Sheriff Truman.
Ben Horne: We've lain a gala reception for your fair-haired boys tonight; all of Twin Peaks' best and brightest. Jerry Horne: We're holding it in a phone booth?
(Bobby walks in on Gordon Cole and Shelley kissing) Bobby Briggs: What the hell's going on here? Gordon Cole: (shouting as usual) YOU ARE WITNESSING A FRONT THREE-QUARTER VIEW OF TWO ADULTS SHARING A TENDER MOMENT. (to Cooper) Acts like he's never seen a kiss before. (to Bobby) TAKE A LOOK, SONNY, IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN!
Dale Cooper: Fellas, coincidence and fate figure largely in our lives.
Dale Cooper: Harry, I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange.
"Mike" The One-Armed Man: Through the darkness of futures past, the magician longs to see. One chants out between two worlds: "Fire Walk With Me." We lived among the people - I think you say convenience store? We lived above it. I mean it like it is, like it sounds. My name is Mike. His name is BOB.
The Man From another Place: (talking backwards; subtitled) Wow, Bob, Wow. Fire walk with me.
(Cooper sits with the dwarf in the Red Room of the Black Lodge) The Man From another Place: (talking backwards; subtitled) When you see me again, it woun't be me. (steps on an insect on the floor) The Man From another Place: This is the waiting room. Would you like some coffee? Some of your friends are here. (Laura Palmer appears and sits beside the dwarf) Laura Palmer: Hello, Agent Cooper. (Laura winks and snaps her fingers backwards) Laura Palmer: I'll see you again in 25 years. Meanwhile...
Albert Rosenfield: (about Sheriff Truman) Aw, look. It's trying to think.
Dale Cooper: This must be where pies go when they die.
Dale Cooper: Albert where does this attitude of yours come from? Albert Rosenfield: I'll have to get back on you on that. Dale Cooper: Well if you don't want two black eyes on a regular basis I would suggest you make some kind of peace with rural country life. Albert Rosenfield: Great, after the square dance maybe we can take a hayride!
Jerry Horne: Did you say Leland Palmer's daughter is dead? Man... now I'm depressed...
Albert Rosenfield: It's a Walther PPK... That's James Bond's gun, you know.
Sheriff Truman: Lucy, you better bring Agent Cooper up to date. Lucy Moran: Leo Johnson was shot, Jacques Reneau was strangled, the mill burned, Shelly and Pete got smoke inhalation, Catherine and Josie are missing, Nadine is in a coma from taking sleeping pills. Dale Cooper: How long have I been out?
The Giant: The owls are not what they seem.
The Man From another Place: She's filled with secrets. Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song and there's always music in the air.
Albert Rosenfield: I've performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault. Stomach contents revealed - let's see, beer cans, a Maryland licence plate, half a bicycle tyre, a goat, and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of Pinocchio. Dale Cooper: You're making a joke! Albert Rosenfield: I like to think of myself as one of the happy generation.
Laura Palmer: I feel like I know her but sometimes my arms bend back...
Ronette Pulaski: Don't go there Laura! Don't go there!
Donna Hayward: This is from a long time ago, is that ok? I was about thirteen years old, fourteen maybe. We were going to the roadhouse to meet boys. They're about twenty years old. And they're nice to us. And they make us feel like we're older. Rick asks if we wanna go party and Laura says "yes," and all of a sudden I feel this knot building up in my stomach. But when Laura gets in the truck with Rick, I go anyway. A stream in the woods and when I think, it's pale and light out. Laura starts to dance around the boys. She begins to move her hips. And we take off our clothes. I know the boys are watching. Laura starts to kiss Josh and Rick. I don't know what to do, so I swim away. I feel like I want to run, but I don't. He kisses my hand and then me. I can still feel that kiss. His lips are warm and sweet. My heart jumps. He's talking but I can't hear him. It was the first time I ever fell in love.
Leland Palmer: We have to dance for Laura!
Catherine Packard Martell: You know what shenanigans are, don't you?
(last line of the series) Dale Cooper: How's Annie? How's Annie?
Audrey Horne: I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?
Madeleine Ferguson: Do you think I look like Laura? When we were kids I used to visit and we pretended to be sisters.
The Man From another Place: She's my cousin... but doesn't she look almost exactly like Laura Palmer?
The Man From another Place: That gum you like is going to come back in style.
Donna Hayward: Nobody loved Laura. Just us.
Log Lady: I heard you speaking about Laura Palmer? Dale Cooper: Yes? Log Lady: One day my log will have something to say about this. My log saw something that night. Dale Cooper: Really. What did it see? Log Lady: Ask it. (Cooper hesitates) Log Lady: I thought so. (walks away)
(about a dream he had of Laura Palmer) Dale Cooper: She whispered to me who killed her Sheriff Truman: Well, what did she say? Dale Cooper: You know... I don't remember
(Leo Johnson is wearing the rear end of a horse costume) Windom Earle: Leo! It looks like you've finally found your calling!
Killer Bob: Head's up, tails up, run your scallwags. Night falls, morning calls, I'll catch you with my death bag. You may think I've gone insane, but I promise, I will kill again!
Dale Cooper: Where's Bob now? "Mike" The One-Armed Man: In a large building with many rooms alike. But occupied by different souls night after night.
(the Giant appears before Cooper again who's asleep) The Giant: Sorry to wake you. Dale Cooper: I wasn't dreaming. The Giant: I forgot to tell you something. Dale Cooper: You were right about the smiling bag. The Giant: The things I tell you will not be wrong. Dale Cooper: But, I... The Giant: Better to listen, than to talk. Dale Cooper: I belive you. The Giant: Don't search for all the answers at once. A path is formed by laying one stone at a time. One person saw the third man that night. Three have seen him, yes, but not his body. Only one, known to you, ready now to talk. One more thing, you forgot something. Dale Cooper: What? (the Giant disappears as we see Audrey Horne's "help me" note under Cooper's bed)
Jerry Horne: Sweetheart, I'd like to order two drinks. One double scotch on the rocks, and my brother would like a double scotch on the rocks. Female bartender at One Eyed Jack's: That's two double scotch on the rocks. Jerry Horne: Next step: rocket science!
(repeated line) Dale Cooper: Damn good coffee!
Windom Earle: Your name, please? Major Briggs: Garland Briggs. Windom Earle: Garland, what do you fear most... in the world? Major Briggs: The possibility that love is not enough.
(Lucy is watching "Invitation To Love") Sheriff Truman: Morning Lucy, what's going on? Lucy Moran: Er... thanks to Jade, Jared decided not to kill himself, and he's changed his will leaving the Towers to Jade instead of Emerald, but Emerald found out about it, and now she's trying to seduce Chet to give her the new will so that she can destroy it; Montana's planning to kill Jared at midnight so the Towers will belong to Emerald and Montana, but I think she's going to double-cross him and he doesn't know it yet. Poor Chet. Sheriff Truman: What's going on *here*?
(Ben is held in custody) Jerry Horne: I demand you either release my client or arrest him! Sheriff Truman: Okay. Ben Horne, I arrest you for the murder of Laura Palmer. Benjamin Horne: Great going, Jer.
Dale Cooper: Diane, never drink coffee that has been anywhere near a fish.
Killer Bob: (about Windom Earle, to Dale Cooper) He can't take your soul. I will take his.
Dale Cooper: Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee.
Dale Cooper: Audrey, you're a high school girl. I'm an agent of the FBI. Audrey Horne: So do you want me to leave or what?
Log Lady: Fire is the Devil hiding like a coward in the smoke.
Albert Rosenfield: He hit me! Dale Cooper: Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.
Albert Rosenfield: What the hell kind of two-bit operation they running out of this treehouse, Cooper?
Dale Cooper: Diane, it struck me again earlier this morning, there are two things that continue to trouble me. And I'm speaking now not only as an agent of the Bureau but also as a human being. What really went on between Marilyn Monroe and the Kennedys and who really pulled the trigger on JFK?
Albert Rosenfield: I have seen some slip-shod backwater burgs, but this place takes the cake.
Deputy Tommy 'Hawk' Hill: One woman can make you fly like an eagle, another can give you the strength of a lion, but only one in the Cycle Of Life can fill your heart with wonder and the wisdom that you have known a singular joy.
Big Ed Hurley: It's not the first time, it won't be the last, but I'm in that doghouse again.
Major Briggs: Any time a man dies in war, he dies too soon.
Albert Rosenfield: Sounds like you've been snacking on some of the local mushrooms.
Albert Rosenfield: I do not suffer fools gladly, and fools with badges never. I want no interference from this hulking boob. Is that clear?
Albert Rosenfield: Oh, Coop, uh, about the uniform... replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie with the casual indifference of these muted earth tones is a form of fashion suicide, but, uh, call me crazy - on you it works.
(looking at the dead body of Bernard Renault) Ben Horne: And do we know if the late Bernard gave you up? Leo Johnson: I told him that if he ever did, I'd kill him. Ben Horne: Well, did he? Leo Johnson: No, but he shouldn't have trusted me. Like I said, Bernie wasn't too bright.
Jerry Horne: (to Ben Horne) As your lawyer, your brother, and your friend, I highly recommend that you get a better lawyer.
Dale Cooper: What does Bob want? "Mike" The One-Armed Man: He is Bob, eager for fun. When he wears a smile, everybody run!
Leo Johnson: You punks owe me ten grand! Leo needs a new pair of shoes!
Albert Rosenfield: Mr Horne, I realize that your position in this fair community pretty well guarantees venality, insincerity, and a rather irritating method of expressing yourself. Stupidity, however, is not necessarily a inherent trait, therefore, please listen closely. You can have a funeral any old time. You dig a hole, you plant a coffin. I, however, cannot perform these tests next year, next month, next week or tomorrow - I must perform them now. I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentlemen, so why don't you please return to your porch rockers and resume whittling.
(Lucy pours Cooper a cup of coffee) Dale Cooper: Damn fine coffee! (Cooper takes a sip then spits it on the floor) Dale Cooper: (smiling) And hot!
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: I've just about had enough of your insults. Albert Rosenfield: Oh, yeah? Well, I've had it with morons and half-wits, dolts, dunces, dumbbells and you, you chowder-head yokel, you blithering hayseed, you've had enough of *me*? Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Yes, I have. (Truman hits Rosenfield)
Deputy Andy Brennan: Listen to me, Lucy Moran, you just listen. When the Tacoma Sperm Bank was looking for donors, naturally I applied. It's my civic duty and I like whales. A routine physical examination revealed that I'm sterile. Sure I thought it meant that I didn't have to take a bath, but the doctors told me the truth. They told me I can't have babies. So what I wanna know now is why are you having one and how?