Throw Momma from the Train
1987
Owen: Where are you going? Larry: I'm gonna kill the bitch. You want something? Owen: Get me a chunky.
Momma: Owen! Food! Owen: In a minute, Momma. Momma: Don't you "In a minute, Momma" me! Get off your fat little ass or I'll break it for you! I want two soft boiled eggs, white toast, and some of that grape jelly god damn it! And don't burn the toast! Owen: Kill her, Larry.
Momma: He's trying to kill me! I asked for the salted nuts. He brought me the unsalted nuts. The unsalted nuts make me choke!
Momma: Who the HELL are you? Larry: I'm Owen's friend. Momma: Owen doesn't have a friend! Larry: That's because he's shy. Momma: No he's not. He's fat and he's stupid!
Larry: One little murder and I'm Jack the Ripper.
Momma: Your friend had an accident, he's dead! You go bowling and leave a corpse to take care of me! Owen: He's dead? Momma: See for yourself. Owen: Larry! My friend, my friend... Larry! Momma: "My friend! My friend!" You big crybaby. Go bury him in the yard before he stinks up the place.
Mrs Hazeltine: (reading her manuscript) His guts oozed nice, like a melted malted.
Larry: You killed my wife, Owen! Owen: No, I didn't... Yes, I did. Larry: You're a sick man, Owen. You need care and I'm taking you to the police. Owen: Did you know that Hawaii is a series of islands that was all spit up by the same volcano? I never knew that. Larry: You killed somebody! You killed a person. You're a murderer. You took a life! Owen: You're right. You're right, I'm no good. How could I do that? I'm a sick pers... cows! (points at passing billboard)
Larry: Remember, a writer writes always.
Larry: Fate makes you impotent, Love makes you crazy, somewhere in the middle you can survive.
(Larry's been hit in the groin by Momma's cane) Larry: (in pain) She's not a woman, she's The Terminator.
(Momma sees Larry for the first time) Momma: Who the hell is this? Owen: Oh, this is Cousin Paddy. He's coming to stay with us a while. Isn't that nice? Momma: (suspiciously) We don't *have* a "Cousin Paddy". Owen: (to Larry) You lied to me! (Owen knocks Larry out with a frying pan to the head)
Larry: Class dismissed. I have an enormous head ache in my eye.
Momma: Get out of my way, you black bastard! Larry: What?
(Larry is reading stories to the class) Larry: Next is "Murder at My Friend Harry's" by Owen... Lift. "Chapter one: The night was humid." (Closes the paper) Larry: Class dismissed. I have a terrible headache in my eye.
Momma: Holy Shit! What a dream I was having! Louis Armstrong was trying to kill me!
Owen: Momma! You're alive! (to police) Owen: Old people - you have to reassure them.
Larry: The night was dry, yet it was raining.
Owen: (Larry has driven his car off the road and it's going downhill through a load of bushes. Sat next to him in the passenger seat is Owen) This is good. It's like the Flintstones car wash.