Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead
1995
Critical Bill: Your reputation FAR exceeds your skills.
(Critical Bill is using a corpse as a punching bag) Franchise: Critical Bill, man, what the fuck are you doing? Critical Bill: Working out, it's not bothering him much.
Easy Wind: Remember when you was a kid and you would spend the whole year waiting for summer vacation and when it finally came it would fly by just like that? It's funny, Jimmy, life has a way of flying by faster than any old summer vacation really fucking does.
Mister Shhh: You have a choice; you can tell me where Earl Denton is, or you can tell it to the worms.
The Man With The Plan: She's a 10, Jimmy. She's a world unto herself. She can't nurse worth shit, but I keep her on, because even though I can't feel it, I know I get erections in her presence.
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: What's your name? Dagney: Dagney Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: That's a beautiful name. Can I ask you one single, impulsive question? Are you in love at the present moment? I'm not the type of guy to impede on another man's happiness but if the answer is "No" I'd like to continue with my rhapsody. Has anybody ever told you that you glide? Dagney: What? Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: It's a very special quality, every other girl in this place merely plods along but you glide, girls who glide need guys who make them thump. Dagney: What's Thump? Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You think about him, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you watch the phone waiting for it to ring. Girls who glide need guys who make them thump, I can make you thump. Have dinner with me.
(repeated line) Franchise: It is what it is.
(repeated line) Franchise: Give it a name. (recurring line)
Critical Bill: I am Godzilla! You are Japan!
Easy Wind: Franchise, my brother from another mother!
The Man With The Plan: Be gone Jimmy... Fuckin' gone!
Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You gave me your word! The Man With The Plan: I'm a criminal; my word don't mean dick!
Joe Heff: The blood runs when the time comes.
Critical Bill: My new motto: Fuck the head!
Mister Shhh: I'm looking for Earl Denton. Rooster: (repeating) He's lookin' for Earl Denton. Baby Sinister: Earl Denton ? Mister Shhh: AKA Easy Wind. Baby Sinister: AKA Easy Wind ? - What the fuck you here this, boy ? - AKA My dick, Uncle Salty! Rooster: (repeating) AKA His dick, Uncle Salty! Mister Shhh: I need to find Earl Denton. Baby Sinister: What you think, - huh? - You think we just give him up - like I was your house nigger? Rooster: (repeating) Yeah, does he look like your house nigger, punk? Baby Sinister: Will you shut the fuck up for eleven seconds? Rooster: It's cool. Mister Shhh: Please, tell me where he is collaborate and no one gets hurt. Baby Sinister: Say good bye, bitch.
The Man With The Plan: Beg me, or I let you suck my dead dick in return for your life, BEG! Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: NO! Lt Atwater: BEG, ASSHOLE! The Man With The Plan: Take out my dick. Atwater! Take it out. TAKE IT OUT!
Old man in the AfterLife Advice video: Life is like a mustard burp, momentarily tangy, then gone...
(last lines) Franchise: Gentlemen, we have boat drinks.
Critical Bill: I been wantin' to apologize to you, Jimmy, about that... what happened out on the highway the other night? You know, man, I just... Well, I kinda lost my shit out there, ya know? But, damn, Jimmy, it was kind of irresponsible of you to put me out on point in the first place, ya know? When you think about it, it really was sorta your fault. I mean, everybody knows... I'm out of my tits.