The Zorro Gay Blade
1981
(after spraining his ankle) Don Diego: My father would be very disappointed in me. To have come all this way and miss my destiny by... a foot.
Esteban: A little clumsy, are you not, my friend? Zorro: To be your friend I would have to be more than clumsy. I would have to be stupid.
Esteban: Is your blade as sharp as your tongue? Zorro: Is yours as dull as your wit?
Florinda: What do the people need roads for? They never go anywhere.
Florinda: Why didn't I marry you instead of Esteban? Don Diego: Probably because he asked you and I did not.
Don Diego: Los Angeles, California. The birthplace of... me.
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: I'm Charlotte Taylor Wilson. I'm with the People's Independence Committee. Don Diego: Don Diego Vega. I'm with the greedy bloodsuckers.
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: You don't really believe the people are happy! Don Diego: All I know is the soldiers are quite happy shooting the people who say the people are not happy.
(Diego is about to be shot) Charlotte Taylor Wilson: You're the bravest man I've ever met. Don Diego: I'm very impressed with myself, too.
Ramon Vega: Two bits, four bits, six bits, a peso. All for Zorro, stand up and say so!
Don Diego: He is a mute. Esteban: Bueno! Perhaps he can give lessons to my wife.
Bunny Wigglesworth: They say the Navy makes men. I'm living proof - they made ME!
Zorro: You recognize that famous sign? Old Man: Si senior. It is a Two. Zorro: That is a Z! Old Man: But in the school, that is how they teach my granddaughter to draw a Two. Zorro: *I* say it is a *Z* - For El Zorro!
Bunny Wigglesworth: You naughty, evil Alcalde! I'm going to do bad things to you!
Esteban: What commands priests to wear such strange clothing? Bunny Wigglesworth: We are followers of Peter the Dressmaker. He was Christ's tailor.
Bunny Wigglesworth: Black is tacky.
Don Diego Vega: If I give my lands to the people, where are we going to live? Charlotte Taylor Wilson: Boston! Don Diego Vega: Boston? Charlotte Taylor Wilson: Yes! It is the only civilized city. They have the best art, the best music... Don Diego Vega: You have to been kidding me... I was in Boston for a week, and I never heard a decent Mariachi playing
Bunny Wigglesworth: Help, help. The Alcalde took all my money. Bunny Wigglesworth: (turns his head, reveals the other side is made up to look like Zorro) Don't you fear. El Zorro is here.
Bunny Wigglesworth: (with un-painted side of face showing, speaking like a woman) Help! Help! The Alcalde has all my money! Bunny Wigglesworth: (turns around, with this side of face painted like Zorro, speaking very slowly and deeply) Have no fear, El Zorro is here!
Soldier: Where is your invitation, Senor Beaver?
Esteban: It is a beautiful day... for a Reign of *terror*!
Florinda: (hiding in a box, where Esteban's angry sword thrust has just narrowly missed skewering her breasts) Thank goodness for small favors!
Florinda: (regarding Esteban) Do you know he only makes love to me 12 times a year? Don Diego: Well, once a month is not so bad. Florinda: No, he makes love to me 12 times in one night and then, zip, nothing!
Esteban: (threatening Charlotte Taylor Wilson with execution in order to lure and trap Zorro) Do you wish for a blindfold? Charlotte Taylor Wilson: No. The eyes of freedom will always see through the blindfolds of tyranny. And the bonds of oppression will always be broken with muscles of liberty.
Esteban: (to Zorro) I know you will not kill an innocent man... or me either, for that matter.
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: (Zorro about to be executed in her place) I have only one regret... that you will not live to see the glorious revolution that you have brought about... Zorro: (to himself) Why doesn't she say something like, I will love you forever? When's she going to say that? Charlotte Taylor Wilson: I will love you forever!
Charlotte Taylor Wilson: How can there be two of you? Zorro: You always say, when the revolution came, there would be more for everyone.
Bunny Wigglesworth: (to Diego) Know me? Sink me! We were once womb-mates!