The Witches
1990
Miss Eva Ernst: What are you doing here? Miss Irvine: The banquet, Miss Ernst. Miss Eva Ernst: No, no, no, no! You must go to your room and prepare for... Mr Jenkins: Hello! Miss Eva Ernst: ... tomorrows flight. Yes. (Waves to Mr Jenkins) Have a good flight. Miss Irvine: But it's our banquet! Miss Eva Ernst: You are not here to enjoy yourself, you are here as my staff! Go to your room- NOW! Miss Irvine: ... I quite!
Marlene: Evening madam. Just poppin' in to turn down your bed. Miss Eva Ernst: (to Miss Irvine) How is the room service here? Miss Irvine: Diabolical. Miss Eva Ernst: Good. Miss Irvine: How do you know that woman upstairs? Miss Eva Ernst: Come along. Walk downstairs. The elevator is out of order. (as they walk downstairs the elevator chimes)
Nicola: Welcome Miss Ernst. Nicola Cuttle. (Approaches and shakes Miss Ernst's hand) Nicola: I have been so looking forward to meeting you. You look marvelous. Miss Eva Ernst: Hm... I wish I could say the same for you, Nicola.
Elsie: Is she sober? (Marlene is crying hysterically) Mr Stringer: Yes she's sober! I've been with her all aftern... When... I... Uh... I saw her w... Yes of course she's sober! Don't be stupid!
Miss Eva Ernst: You may remove your shoes! You may remove your wigs! (Grabs her wig with one hand and pulls her face mask down to her eyebrows with the other) The doors- are they locked and bolted? Miss Irvine: Locked and bolted, your Grandness. Miss Eva Ernst: Good. Help.
Elsie: Wait! Wait! (Miss Ernst and the others stop and turn around) I smell... dogs droppings. (all the witches gasp and begin to sniff around) Woman in Black: Ugh! The smell! Miss Eva Ernst: She's right! Search out this small ampitheatre! Find it! It must be exterminated immediatly!
(after zapping a witch into a pile of ashes) Grand High Witch: I hope nobody else is going to make me cross today.
Grand High Witch: Witches of England... You are a disgrace! Miserable witches... You are good for nothing worms! Everywhere I look, I see the repulsive sight of hundreds, thousands of revolting little children... I ask you! (points) Grand High Witch: Why? One child a week is no good to me! Woman in Black: (stands) We will do better! We will do much better! Grand High Witch: Better is no good either! I demand maximum results!
(the Grand High Witch is transforming into a mouse) Grand High Witch: I'm not finished with you yet, old woman... Next time... Helga: No. Not next time. This time it's your turn!
Luke: Grandma! Grandma! Wake up, Grandma! Oh please, Grandma! (Miss Ernst and Miss Irvine enter the room) Luke: My grandma! Miss Eva Ernst: An old adversary I have discovered... very old... Luke: If you hurt my grandma... Miss Eva Ernst: Silence!
Helga: Oh how I love English hotel teas! Cream cakes and... Luke: No grandma. No cream cakes. Helga: And no shortbread either. Soon I will be eating the same diet as your mice.