The Weekenders

2000

Tino: Later days!

(about Lor) Tino's Mom: Aren't you overreacting? Tino: Mom, they got her wearing pink. Tino's Mom: Ooh, that is serious.

Tish: If I'm a winter, how about this? (Comes out of dressing room dressed in a white faux fur coat that covers all but her face) Tino: Stand absolutely still. Carver: What if it tracks by scent? Tish: Ha, ha. Very funny. Tino: Aah! It's seen us! Run!

Carver: I am going to be CARP! Tino: Did you say Carp? Carver: That stands for what I want to be. Cool And Radically Popular. Tino: It's a good thing you don't want to be Cool RICH And Popular. Carver: Why?

(repeated line) Tish's Mom: Is what I say!

Tino: If you try to make everyone follow your plan, you're really no better than a gym teacher.

Tish: Maybe you're confusing us with your imaginary friends. (Tino turns to the camera and addresses the audience) Tino: She thinks I have imaginary friends. Ha!

(With the colors of the Italian flag in his hair) Tino: That's so unhealthy, its un-American...

Lor McQuarrie: On our planet we call that a golf course.

Tino: If a game doesn't have rules, it's not a game is it? Carver: No, it's politics.

Carver: You have a point there, Lor. (Frantically checking her chest) Lor McQuarrie: Where?

Tino: We may not be as interesting as the people on Teen Canyon, but at least we aren't made up characters on T.V... or are we?

Tino: Want me to leave so you can say bad words? Tino's Mom: Yeah that would be nice...

Tino: Why can't you be one of those nice moms who just say "Yes Dear" Tino's Mom: Yes dear. Tino: Well it's a little too late for that now. Tino's Mom: Yes dear Tino: No talking!

(Tish is forcing her friends to do a radio play) Carver: I can't work under these conditions! I'll be in my trailer! (Walks into a closet and closes it) Tino: Err... that's my closet.

(a girl who humiliated Carver is waving at him at the beach) Carver: SHE'S WAVING AT ME? Isn't there a law against that? Tino: (Sarcastic) Yeeah, you're enforced by the Federal Bureau of Waving.

(Tino is poking his dinner with a fork, but not eating it) Tino's Mom: It isn't going to bite you. Tino: That's great, because I don't plan to bite it either.

Carver: Do you have a compass in there? Tino: Yup! Carver: Maybe you can use it to find your way BACK TO REALITY!

Carver: Do you have a compass in there? Tino: Why, yes I do! Carver: Well, maybe you could use it to find your way back to *reality*!

Tino: They're coming to get me! Mutant clowns from the Hollow Earth! They're real! It's the clown apocalypse! Aaah! Carver: I think he's getting better.

Mrs Duong: Thank you for helping Helpers Helping the Helpless. Your help was very... helpful! And if anyone finds my thesaurus please let me know.

Tish: Me? JEALOUS? I haven't got a jealous bone in my body! Carver: How about jealous internal organs?

Carver: Excuse me while I spend the rest of my life in the attic. (Carver walks off) Lor McQuarrie: Wow! That must be a pretty nice attic! Er... what?

Tish: Lor, don't you think you're being a tad paranoid? Carver: A tad? More like 5 tads and 18 smidgens.

Carver: Ugh, I think my stomach just resigned in disgust.

Tino: I think your cooking may have military applications. Tino's Mom: Watch it...

(Tino is upset because he didn't win a mock election) Tino: I'm just a fat, ugly, loser. Lor McQuarrie: You're not fat!

Francis: (dressed as scissors for Halloween) Pointy, pointy.

(repeated line) Francis: (snickers) I like pointy things... (snickers again)

Dixon: (playing ball) Try to keep your eye on the ball this time, it won't bite. Tino: It's not so much biting I'm worried about as bone-shattering impact.

Tino's Mom: (Tino refuses to leave his room) He said he won't come out until the city's been cleared of its un-holy clown infestation.

Lor McQuarrie: Have you seen the World's Funniest Medical Blunders? Carver: Once. This guy swallowed his dentures and when the doctors gave him an x-ray, his lungs were smiling back at him.

Tino: Hello, could you at least knock before you enter my mind?

Lor McQuarrie: You have good posture for someone without a backbone.

Tish: If you need an idea, use your imagination. Lor McQuarrie: I think I sprained mine.

Tino: Could you give me a map to that sentence?

Lor McQuarrie: (Mowing Tino's lawn) Was that a rosebush? Tino: Not anymore.

Tino: Tish has lost her dignity. Lor McQuarrie: Look under the sofa cushion. I find all sorts of stuff under there.

Tino: How long have we been here? Lor McQuarrie: Somewhere between an hour... and a hundred thousand years.

Tish: Don't you want to broaden your minds? Lor McQuarrie: Our minds are already broad enough. Carver: Yea I already have trouble finding hats that fit.

Carver: How do you spell beautiful? Girl: M-e-l G-i-b-s-o-n

Tino: (Carver is wearing a latex suit and helmet) You look like a roll-on deodorant.

Carver: Interesting. And how did you obtain your data? Tino: Made it up. Carver: I see.

Carver: Geeks... Geeks? Those geeks are my friends! Tino: did he just say geeks?

Tino's Mom: You know, a kite flies on a string, not a stick. Tino: (pause) I could see your lips moving, but all I heard was "blah, blah-blah".

Lor McQuarrie: It's like an upside down universe. Tino: Yeah, where up is down and boy bands play instruments.

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