The Waterboy
1998
Bobby Boucher: Now that's what I call high quality H2O.
(after Bobby demonstrates his tackling ability) Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game? Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you.
Townie: You can do it. Cut his fucking head off.
Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too. Bobby Boucher: No. Coach Klein: Gatorade. Bobby Boucher: H2O. Coach Klein: Gatorade. Bobby Boucher: H2O. Coach Klein: Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.
Bobby Boucher: My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.
Mama Boucher: You gonna lose all your fancy "fools' balls" games! And your gonna fail your big exam! Because school is? Bobby Boucher: The devil? (Mama gasps) Bobby Boucher: Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good! Bobby Boucher: (Bobby runs out, slamming the door, then comes back in) And by the way, Mama. "Alligators" are ornery 'cause of their "Medula Oblongata"! Bobby Boucher: (Bobby runs back out, then back in again) And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too! (slams door on Mama)
Guy Grenouille: Hey, moron! Hey! Moron! Duh! L-L-Look at me. I'm th-th-the waterboy. Duh! I got a wooden spoon! Duh! Greg Meaney: (Bobby pictures the people who tomented him in the past) Smells like you need a shower, stinky! (Meaney laughs evily) Coach Red Beaulieu: You're fired! (Red laughs evilly) Bobby Boucher: (Captain Insano and Jim Simmonds laugh) (Bobby becomes enraged) Bobby Boucher: Stop makin' fun of me! Guy Grenouille: Red thirty! Hut! (Bobby chases Grenouille, screaming, then ramming and tackling him hard to the ground) Coach Klein: (in amazement) Wow! Derek Wallace: Damn!
Lawrence Taylor: Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don't do crack.
Paco: I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with... with charm, athletic ability... or a fully functional brain. You see, you're an inspriation, to all of us who... who weren't born handsome, and charming and cool, and and... (breaks out in tears)
Bobby Boucher: Nice hit, Mama. Mama Boucher: Thanks baby. Now you go on and have some fun becomin' a man.
Mama Boucher: It's the devil.
Walter: Let's kick some names and take some ass.
(after watching Bobby tackle a player) Paco: Look at Bobby tackle. I haven't seen a tackle like that since Joe Montana. Walter: Joe Montana was a quarterback, you idiot. Paco: I said Joe Mantegna.
Mama Boucher: No son of mine is gonna play any foos-ball.
(Upon hearing that Bobby Boucher has been benched) Townie: We suck again.
Guy Grenouille: Nice going shithead. You lost us the football game. Bobby Boucher: Sorry. Will you please still be my friend? Guy Grenouille: No, Get away.
Lynn: You gonna add another championship trophy to the old case downstairs? Coach Red Beaulieu: That's kinda like my old man told me one time, Lynn. The only thing better than a crawfish dinner, is five crawfish dinners.
Bobby Boucher: Excuse me ladies while I just go hang myself.
Mama Boucher: Bobby, deh ever catch dat gorilla that busted outa da zoo and punched you in da eye? Bobby Boucher: No Mama, the search continues.
Vicki Vallencourt: (after Bobby has gotten his test scores back) Well, Bobby Boucher, welcome to manhood. I'll make sure to welcome you properly later. Bobby Boucher: Once again, I'm not quite sure what that means.
Mama Boucher: (to Bobby) You don't have what they call "the social skills." That's why you never have any friends, 'cept fo' yo' mama.
Bobby Boucher: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like. Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.
Townie: You can do it... you can do it all night loong!