The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
1992
Jay Leno: It's so cold in Washington, DC, it took 15 minutes to jump-start Dick Cheney's heart.
Dennis Miller: I like Dick Cheney, because he's perpetually pissed off.
(trying to fight off the "Ebonic Plague") Kevin Eubanks: Oh no! There be a hole in my suit!
(on guest Quentin Tarantino) Jay Leno: He's the kind of guy you don't know is drunk until you see him sober.
(about embarrassing Presidential relatives) Jay Leno: You know who the embarrassing brother in the Bush family is? (Breaks out laughing) George!
Jay Leno: (to Hugh Grant) What the hell were you thinking?
(Jay Leno tells a joke about Bush "outsourcing" the presidency) Jay Leno: That seemed kinda mean, didn't it? Who is writing all these Bush jokes? Ellen, put on the camera in the cue card room. (switches camera to John Edwards writing monologue cue cards) Who's writing in there? John Edwards: Hey Jay - you do your job, and let me do mine.
Jay Leno: It was so cold in California today, Scott Peterson has said he's actually looking forward to going to Hell.
(on trip to China, guest Liam Neeson spent about $15 on some very cheap watches for his kids) Jay Leno: You cheap bastard.
(about President Bush touring the South after Hurricane Katrina) Jay Leno: He saw something below sea level. Yeah, his approval rating.
(about the Kansas City Royals, who lost 17 games in row) Jay Leno: It looks like President Bush wasn't the *only* one taking the entire month of August off.
(about Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers) Jay Leno: She called Bush "the most brilliant man I ever met." This is a woman we're hiring for her *judgment*?