The Sure Thing

1985

Alison: You'll never beleive what I wanted to be when I was six. Gib: A classics professor?

Lady in Car: What are you gonna name it? Alison Bradbury: What? Lady in Car: The baby. Alison Bradbury: Well, if it's a girl, Cynthia, and if it's a boy, Elliot. Lady in Car: Those are lovely names. Walter (Gib) Gibson: Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name. Like Nick. Alison Bradbury: Nick? Walter (Gib) Gibson: Yeah, Nick. Nick's the kinda guy you can trust. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn't care if you puke in his car. Nick.

Gib: You know, junk food doesn't deserve the bad rap that it gets. Take these pork rinds for example. This particular brand contains two percent of the R.D.A. (that's Recommended Daily Allowance) of riboflavin.

Trucker: I hope you appreciate the magnitude of your impending good fortune.

Gib: I flunk English, I'm outta here. I gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That's right, they start me at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job. But the day I'm supposed to start some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico. When I get out of jail I'm 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down in the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner and why? Because you wouldn't help me in English.

Cowboy Guy: I was in Paris once with my wife... boy am I glad she's dead.

Gib: How would you like to have a sexual experience so intense it could conceivably change your political views?

Gib: What the hell's wrong with being stupid once in awhile? Does everything you do always have to be sensible? Haven't you ever thrown waterballoons off a roof? When you were a little kid didn't you ever sprinkle soap flakes on the living room floor 'cause you wanted to make it snow in July? Didn't you ever get really shitfaced and maybe make a complete fool of yourself and still have an excellent time?

Lance's frat brother: Three thousand miles just to get laid. I really respect that.

Gib: Sorry I'm late. There was this big problem... and I'm late because of it.

Alison: What are you doing? Gib: I'm going to bed. Alison: Not with me you're not. Gib: I'm not going to bed with you, I'm going to bed in a bed you happen to be in also.

Alison: He eats cheese balls and beer for breakfast. Jason: How do you know what he eats for breakfast?

Alison Bradbury: Spontaneity has its time and place.

Alison Bradbury: Eight o'clock? Gib: Mmm... sorry, that's when I rearrange my sock drawer.

Gib: You know, I've never met anyone like you before. Usually when I meet someone new I feel awkward and shy. But with you it's different. I can talk to you. You know what I'm thinking without my having to explain to you in fancy terms. We speak each other's unspoken language... fluently. I love you.

Gary Cooper: Hi, I'm Gary Cooper, but not the Gary Cooper that's dead.

(Reading story by Gib) Professor Taub: "Thoughts raced through his mind. Did she really want him? What had he done to deserve this bounty? Does God exist? Who invented liquid soap and why?"

(A cop reads off the various laws Allison broke by flashing another car. Gib leans out the window and adds his two cents) Gib: ... Driving with the load not properly tied down.

Lance: Gib, you want a relationship? That's fine. Just remember that every relationship starts with a one night stand. You came 3,000 miles for a reason didn't you? Would you look at that reason. Go for it Gib, you've earned it.

Alison: I have a credit card. Gib: Credit cards work on a completly different kind of lock.

(After seeing Alison) Gib's friend: Forget her, I hear she only likes intellectuals Gib: So? I'm intellectual and stuff. Gib's friend: You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue, and stuff.

(They are stranded in the middle of nowhere in the rain) Alison: I have a credit card. Gib: You have a credit card? Alison: Yes. But my father told me only to use it in case of an emergency. Gib: Well, maybe one will come up.

Gib: Thanks for the ride. I've been out here all day. I'm not interrupting anything am I? Truck driver: (holding Alison) Me and the wife just having a little squabble, OK. Gib: Oh. It's not easy getting rides. Do you know what I mean? I mean most people are real afraid to pick up hitchhikers. I mean you never know who you might pick up. I mean I could be some crazed slime ball. I mean a real derranged, violent, psycho. You know what I mean? I mean a guy who would rip out your heart and eat it just for pleaaasure. I'm talking about a total maniac. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. Truck driver: Ye, Ya. Gib: Why aren't we moving? Don't you want to give me a ride? Truck Driver: I'm only goin' about another mile. Gib: Then why the hell did you pick me up for? You think I got nothing better to do with my life then to sit here and pass the time with you, Shit brain? I don't think I want this ride after all. And I think I think I'll take your wife if you don't mind.

Gib: Drinks are on me. What'll you have, my friend? Fat Guy in Bar: Something light. Gib: Chablis? Fat Guy in Bar: No, um... a spritzer. Gib: Barkeep. Bring this man a trough of spritzer.

Professor Taub: Loosen up, have some fun! Yes, sleep when you feel like it, not when you think you should. Eat food that is bad for you - at least once in a while. Have conversations with people whose clothes are not color coordinated. Make love in a hammock! Life is the ultimate experience, and you have to live it to write about it.

Gib: (slams Lance against a wall after a conversation with the Sure Thing) You told her I was a virgin? Lance: Women love a challenge... Gib: You told her I was gay! Lance: It's a bigger challenge.

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