The PJs
1999
Thurgood Stubbs: What the hell did you put down that toilet? Haiti Lady: Goat head wrapped in paper towels. Thurgood Stubbs: How many times I gotta tell you? NO PAPER TOWELS down the toilet!
Thurgood Stubbs: What on Eartha Kitt?
Thurgood Stubbs: Halle-Berry-lujah!
Thurgood Stubbs: Whitney Houston, we have a problem.
Thurgood Stubbs: Just goes to show I don't have to go to the hospital to get positive results!
Thurgood Stubbs: I don't believe it! She conned me! She conned! She conned! She-co-con, she-co-con, she co-onned me! Muriel Stubbs: I feel for you.
Mrs Avery: I'm gonna party like it's 1939.
Thurgood Stubbs: Halt! Who goes there? Smokey: Not me. I went behind the dumpster, like a gentleman.
Thurgood Stubbs: Aah! That scared the Shatner out of me!
(there's a knock on Thurgood's door during a terrible heatwave) Thurgood Stubbs: If it ain't the heat, it's the stupidity... (opens door) Mrs Avery: (points cane at Thurgood) Super! It's too hot! When you gonna turn down the furnace? Thurgood Stubbs: The furnace ain't on, it's the middle of summer, you crazy old bat! Thurgood Stubbs: Then when you gonna fix my calendar? Thurgood Stubbs: Now, what the hell you buy a calendar for? You ain't gonna get to finish it! (slams door in her face)
(Thurgood is in the hospital) County Hospital Doctor: Mr Stubbs, you had a mild cardiac episode, which we belive was due to prolonged hypertension. Thurgood Stubbs: Give it to me in English, Doc. County Hospital Doctor: You have very high blood pressure. Thurgood Stubbs: (still doesn't understand) Hey look, we didn't all go to DeVry, all right? County Hospital Doctor: (rolls his eyes, then talks in condescending voice) Okay... your blood is bad, especially when you get mad! And if you die, you'll be very very sad. Okay? County Hospital Doctor: Now, was that so hard?
(Thurgood speaks as sweetly as he can) Thurgood Stubbs: Oh, Mrs Avery! I've got a surprise for you! Mrs Avery: (through the door) Keep talkin' like that and I'll pump you full of lead!