The O.C.
2003
Luke: Shut up, queer. Seth: Well, at least I don't shave my chest. Luke: What'd you say? Marissa: Luke, come on. Seth: I just said you look nice in a sweater vest. It was a compliment.
Marissa: Who are you? Ryan: Whoever you want me to be. Marissa: Okay.
(Marissa walks in from the bedroom wearing a skimpy robe) Marissa: Hey Alex, should I be getting dressed or are we going back to... (sees Seth standing in the living room as Alex walks in from the kitchen) Marissa: ... bed? Seth: Oh My God. Marissa: Oh My God. Alex: Oh My God. Seth: (to Alex) Let me get this straight. You broke up with me, for Marissa? Alex: Do you want your money? Seth: Hey, who better than a superhero understands secret identity? Now hold on, just want to make sure I have the visual. (Marissa looks uncomfortable) Seth: Okay I got it, great, thank you. Hey listen, Alex. Thank you. Both of you. For everything, I mean, keep doing what you're doing, I like it. (walks out)
Marissa: Besides, I'm not the only one crying. Seth: I'm sorry what? I'm allergic, OK, and there is so much pollen in here right now. It's ridiculous. Marissa: It's OK. Seth: Hey tomorrow we are watching football, OK? Summer: Football season is five months away. Seth: ESPN Classics, OK, we watch old games.
Marissa: I've been dating Alex. Summer: What? Marissa: I mean, Alex and I, we've been dating. Summer: What? WHAT? Marissa: Just for a couple of weeks. Summer: Alex? Seth's Alex? Marissa: (nods) Mm-hmm. Summer: Girl Alex? Marissa: Yeah. Summer: Huh. Well, who else knows? Marissa: Uh, just you. Summer: Huh. So, you and Alex. Have you two been... Marissa: Uh uh. Me and Alex... yes, we have. Summer: So, are you like a... Marissa: No! I mean... I don't know. I just... I really like her. Summer: Well, she is pretty hot. Marissa: Hey look, you don't have to say anything. It's just... I really needed to tell you. We're still friends, right? Summer: Of course we are. Come here. (they hug) Summer: Aww, this isn't turning you on, right?
Marissa: Listen, about earlier, I got freaked out. Alex: I know. Marissa: It's just... I tried to tell Summer, and I couldn't. Alex: Oh. Marissa: Yeah, and then I came here, thinking we'd talk about it. Alex: And you got even more freaked out. Marissa: I just figured, if I'm not ready to tell my best friend, then maybe I'm not ready for this. Alex: So, you're here to break up with me? Marissa: Then I told her. Alex: Wait, you told Summer, about us? Marissa: Mm-hmm. So, where have all your friends gone? Alex: Seriously? Marissa: Well, you still want me to meet them, don't you?
Kirsten: My husband is currently transporting a fugitive whom happens to be his ex-girlfriend. Julie: Well, I will see your fugitive, former-girlfriend, flame, and raise you a lesbian daughter. Kirsten: Marissa? (Julie nods) Kirsten: Well, I'm sure it's just a phase. Julie: It was for me. (Kirsten looks a little shocked) Julie: And it is for you, too. You guys will work it out. I couldn't handle it if you didn't, you too are like the moral center of the universe. You're Sandy and Kirsten!
Julie: I don't think it's too much to ask to know what's going on under my roof. Marissa: Oh. You want to know what's going on with me? I am going to tell you the truth. No screaming, no crying, just the truth. Julie: You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that. Marissa: Hold that thought. Alex is my girlfriend. Julie: I know, and I am so happy that you have made a new friend. Although, I hope you keep seeing Summer... Marissa: No, Mom, not my friend who's a girl. My girlfriend. (thunder rumbles in the distance as Julie looks shocked) Marissa: Yeah.
(Marissa walks in from the pouring rain and passionately kisses Alex) Marissa: I told her! Alex: You told who what? Marissa: My Mom. About us! I can't believe it, but I did. Alex: You... told her? Marissa: I thought you would be happy. Alex: No, it just depends. Did you tell her to piss her off? Marissa: Hey, look, I told her so that this could be real. For us. Alex: Wow. (laughs) Alex: So, what happens now? Marissa: She is probably having a meltdown as we speak, so I can't go home. Alex: So stay here. Marissa: You sure? Alex: But first, let's get you out of these wet clothes.
Julie: Got a minute? Marissa: Not really. Julie: Well, I would like to talk to you. About your friend Alex. Marissa: I'm sure you would, Mom. Julie: Look, Marissa, I experimented too when I was your age. Albeit it involved a little Motley Cru and a lot of jager. Marissa: Woah! Way too much information. Julie: I'm just saying, that I understand that this is a phase, but, that I won't make a big deal about it if you don't. Marissa: Right. This way you avoid any public embarrassment. Julie: (notices suitcases) Where are you going? Marissa: I'm moving out. You have my cell if Caleb kicks and you need help counting your cash.
Theresa: (after telling Marissa of her childhood hopes and dreams) But I guess life's not really like that, is it?
Seth: If Taylor's going to fall for your plan, we need to speak in a language she'll understand. Summer: Are you trying to say that you believe me? Seth: No, not exactly, but there's just no other options. Do you have her cellphone number? Summer: What? We're not going to call her. She's not a moron, just evil. Seth: We're not going to call her, my little dim sum, we're going to text her. Or should I say, Dean Hess is. (hands her a sidekick) Summer: You got the bedazzled one?! Pink, too?! Wait, we can't text her an apology. We're texting her an apology? Seth: Nope, an invitation. I got a room at the Mermaid Motel. Summer: You mean the place where Ryan may or may not have conceived Theresa's baby and where Marissa's mom and Luke got it on? Seth: Newport's very own den of sin. Summer: Ew. But I like it. Seth: We can even, I mean, if we have some free time - (Summer looks disgusted) Seth: Whatever.
Taylor Townsend: You know, it is so great that you guys have each other. Summer: (confused) Thanks. Taylor Townsend: 'Cause everyone knows that Marissa was the popular one, and Seth, no judgment, but it's not like you got any cooler in the last two years. I mean, everyone just acted that way because they were afraid of Ryan Atwood. I mean, even as a senior, you're still pretty much the biggest geek in Newport. Summer: (cuts Taylor off) Oh-ho, no. All right, listen to me, skank, just because you're saying really mean things in, like, a really nice voice, doesn't mean that we don't realize that you're just some stupid little skank!
Summer: Will you quit peeping out the window, Cohen? Summer: (still looking through window) You don't peep out of windows. You peep into them. Summer: You'd know.
Summer: (after Summer and Seth have tricked Taylor into revealing her affair with Dean Hess) Hey, skank. Seth: You were expecting someone taller? Blonder, with a pageboy haircut? Summer: Welcome to the Terradome, Townsend. You're busted. Taylor Townsend: (smugly) For what, exactly? Summer: Hmm. A little extracurricular activity with Dean Hess? Yeah. I saw you two making out at the dance. Taylor Townsend: (smugly) So what if we did? Seth: (stumped, to Summer) She makes one hell of a poker player. I mean, she's pretty good. Summer: Yeah, well, unless you and the Dean want this little thingamajig - Seth: (corrects Summer) Indiscretion. Summer: - to go public, we have a few demands. Don't we? Seth: Yeah. Summer: Starting with the lifting of the ban of Ryan Atwood from Harbor. Taylor Townsend: (indifferent) You can go ahead and tell anyone you want. No-one's going to believe you. Seth: (frustrated) She's like a block of ice. Summer: You willing to bet your squeaky little reputation on that, Taylor trash? 'Cause I've got a *huge* mouth and an even bigger buddy list. Mmm-hmm. (whips out Sidekick) See this right here? Sidekick. Walkie-talkie of the twenty-first century. Who should we radio first? Seth: How about my dad? Summer: Yeah. 10-4, good buddy. So what's it going to be? You can either tell Seth's dad the perverted truth and save your sorry ass, or you can roll the dice. Over and out.
Seth: (about Ryan, who is quitting school) He got a job on a fishing boat. He leaves tomorrow night. Summer: Wait, what? Are you serious? Your dad's, like, letting him go? Seth: He's pulling the old Sandy Cohen Jedi mind-meld on him. Trying to break his will by agreeing with him. Summer: Oh, like he did with you? Which you fell for because you were both spineless and weak. Seth: Yes, exactly. But this is Ryan we're talking about.
Seth: (holds up My Little Pony) Who is this? Summer: (looks embarrassed) No-one. Seth: (imitating pony's voice) I'm not no-one. Summer: Princess Sparkle, what do you want?
Marissa: So, I'll make you a deal. Whatever song comes on the radio next will be our song. Ryan: Okay. (Marissa turns on the radio, a loud rap song comes on) (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. That's definitely us.
Julie: (when Luke hits on her in the hall) Luke, you're a student at this school. I'm Marissa's mother. Luke: (incredulous) You mean it's over? Julie: No, of course not. I meant in the hall. I'll see you tonight.
Summer: (after Taylor has tricked Summer into giving up Social Chair position) Just so you know, you and your friend the Dean may have won this round, but the war is not over. Taylor Townsend: Well, unless you have an exit strategy, don't even get out of the boat. I am a human quagmire. (leaves) Summer: (tries to look unruffled, then stops random passing student) What's a quagmire? (student ignores her and walks away) Hello? (to entire hallway) What's a quagmire?
Alex: You know, you don't have to keep hanging around here helping me. Marissa: Please, anything to get out of from my house. My mom has been home for three hours and already I'm going insane. Alex: My mom used to drive me crazy too with her egotistical and narcissistic attitude. Then one day, I decided I wasn't going to let it bother me any more. Marissa: You make it sound so easy. Alex: No, it's like this. Every time my mom would channel Satan, I would take a deep breath, count to three, give her a big smile, and say something like, "Interesting idea, Mom. I'll give it some thought." It shuts her right up. Marissa: That really works? Alex: Absolutely. Women like that... they thrive on confrontation. But if you refuse to engage, then there's really not anything they can do about it. So, it drives them even more out of their heads. Marissa: Sounds like a great way to spend an evening. But you know, anyone who can drive my mom even more crazy gets a free dinner. What do you say? Alex: Okay, but not tomorrow. I don't do Valentine's Day first dates. I think it's a jinx. Marissa: That's okay. Alex: But next week, when we don't have Hallmark breathing down our necks, we'll go on a date. Cool? Marissa: Cool.
Sandy: I'm here. Kirsten: We're going. Sandy: But I wore a jacket.
Alex: How can she fall for you if you're not there to catch her?
Anna: Once you've got what you want, that's when you've got something to lose, and what's scarier than that?
Seth: Face it, our chemistry is undeniable. Summer: You know what else is undeniable? Seth: What? Summer: The pain this fork is going to cause when I jam it into your eye!
Caleb: You're not serious. You're still smoking the weed, aren't you? Kirsten: Dad! Seth: Daddy smoked weed? Kirsten: Out now. Private conversation. Seth: Ryan, guess who's a stoner!
Marissa: Hey, so, Seth, did you know that Ryan did musicals? Seth: Ryan, that's extremely minty of you. I didn't know they has musicals in Chino. I didn't even know they even had dancing or, or laughter. Ryan: That's 'cause no-one lived there as funny as you.
Sandy: Hey, how are ya? (waves) I'm Sandy. Danny: Why don't you take a shower? Sandy: Pardon me? Danny: Jus- just kiddin. I-I like ya dirty. (whispers) Sandy, dirty. Sandy, dirty.
Luke: Just give me the signal, and I'll drop the Great Gatsby.
Sandy: (speaking to Julie about the guy blackmailing her over her role in an '80s porn movie) You handle Marisa and I'll handle the Colonel. Julie: That's a Boogie Nights reference. Sandy: Expect a lot of them.
Ryan: What are you even doing here? Dawn: I came... for you. Ryan: Why? What do you want from me? You left a note. A note. Dawn: Okay, let me explain... Ryan: You abandoned me. You threw me out. You just took off. Dawn: I know, honey. I was... and A.J., and... the drinking, and... It's going to be different now. Ryan: That's what you said when we moved from Fresno after dad got arrested.
Summer: What do you want from me Cohen? Seth: I just want you.
Caleb Nichol: Just remember, whatever happens in that courtroom, I did what I did for this family.
Seth: Why don't you go back to Chino? I'm sure there are a bunch of really nice cars in the parking lot that you could steal. Summer: Chino? Eww!
Sandy: Since the minute you were born, I knew I would never take another easy breath without knowing that you were all right. Seth: So I'm like asthma?
Seth: She's got Tahiti written all over her.
Ryan: My mom ditched me. I burned down your wife's house. How is this going to be okay?
Marissa: So, what do you think of Newport? Ryan: I think I could get into a lot less trouble where I'm from. Marissa: You have no idea.
Ryan: Welcome to the dark side.
Julie: He basically called me white trash. He said I was from Riverside. Jimmy: Honey, you are from Riverside. Julie: It was his tone.
Ryan: What kind of music do you listen to? Marissa: Right now, punk. Seth: Yeah, I am sorry, but Avril Lavigne doesn't count as punk. Marissa: Oh yeah? Well, what about the Cramps? Stiff Little Fingers? The Clash? Sex Pistols? Seth: I listen to the same music as Marissa Cooper? I think I have to kill myself.
Ryan: (laughs insincerely) You know what I like about rich kids? (punches Luke) Ryan: Nothing! Seth: That was awesome!
Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now? Ryan: Seventeen.
Marissa: Look, Luke and I got in a fight last night, okay? Julie: So you got into a fight. You've had fights before. You guys have been together forever. Marissa: Maybe that's the problem. I mean, what if there's someone else out there? Julie: Like who, that boy from Chino? Marissa, do you want to end up like your Aunt Cindy, with four kids in a trailer park? She broke my mother's heart. I will not let you break mine. Marissa: Oh, so now this is about you?
(Seth and Summer get in the same bed) Summer: (glares) You make a move, I rip out your jugular. Seth: Oh, hey, pillow talk.
Summer: You just gotta get right back on that horse, Coop. You gotta giddy up, horsy!
Sandy: He's not a criminal mastermind. He's a kid that has no one and nowhere to go.
Ryan: Sometimes I think you talk just to make sounds. Seth: Well, sometimes I do.
(Ryan turns out the light Marissa moves closer) Ryan: Thought you wanted to sleep? Marissa: Suddenly not so tired.
Summer: Be, like, a gentleman. Seth: Chivalry's dead, sugar.
Seth: Open your mind here, dad. This isn't me we're talking about. With Ryan here, we have a chance to have a real athlete in the family. Someone to achieve all that your Jewishness has prevented me from accomplishing.
Summer: I like Seth Cohen. Seth: You, uh, what now? Summer: Nothing. I wasn't talking to you. And if you tell anyone what you heard here, I'll kill you.
Seth: So when you lost your virginity, I was playing Magic: The Gathering. Ryan: You're still playing Magic. Seth: But not as much.
Seth: My father, the struggling Jew from the Bronx... and my mother, Waspy McWasp.
Marissa: I hate Christmas. Ryan: Well, Chrismukkah, ain't much better.
Seth: Mom, on the other hand, Waspy McWasp. Sandy: We're so proud. Kirsten: I am not a Wasp! Seth: Sure you're not.
Ryan: Maybe you have the Summer flu and you should take some Annabiotics.
Ryan: Drinking, crying, cops, well it must be Christmas.
Seth: I've got Jesus and Moses working on my side.
Ryan: Where's my brother? Sandy: Uh, Trey is over 18. Trey stole a car; Trey had a gun in his pants, an ounce of pot in his pocket, a couple of priors. I'm guessing right now, Trey's looking at three to five years. But Trey's not my concern.
Ryan: Modern medicine is advancing to the point where the average human life span will be 100. But I read this article which said Social Security is supposed to run out by the year 2025, which means people are going to have to stay at their jobs until they're 80. So I don't want to commit to anything too soon.
Ryan: This is a nice car. I didn't know your kind of lawyer made money. Sandy: No, we don't. My wife does.
Zach: Who's Curt Schilling, anyway?
Jimmy: Well, we've basically blown through our entire budget. Sandy: Well you're really not so good at managing the money are you Coop? Jimmy: No, I'm... really not.
Marissa: I understand why you have to do this. Ryan: Thanks. Marissa: But I wish you didn't have to. Ryan: Me too. Marissa: I love you.
Caleb: You could have been killed. Kirsten: I learned my lesson. Always eat dinner before you drink. Caleb: That's not the lesson to be learned here. Kirsten: I made an error in judgement. You should be familiar with that. Caleb: This is not about me, Kiki. You have a problem. And my God, did you give any thought to your kids? Kirsten: I am a good mother! Caleb: You're also an alcoholic. Your mother was one too. She did her best to hide it. But I always knew. Kirsten: Oh, come on! Why do you think Mom drank the way she did? Why do you think Hailey left the house at 17? If this family is screwed up, it's because of you! All our lives, you terrorized us, bullied us, treated me, Mom, and Hailey like business employees rather than family. Caleb: I gave you everything you ever wanted! Kirsten: I know! You spoiled us to control us! Make us lead the lives you wanted than what we wanted. I may like my chardonnay, but I am not going to die alone which is a lot more than I can say for you!
Ryan: I appreciate you driving me down to Chino, but I can take care of this myself. This shouldn't have to be your problem. Sandy: Hey. If it's a Ryan problem, it's a Cohen problem.
Marissa: So, what are you doing here, seriously? Ryan: Seriously? (truthfully) Ryan: I stole a car. Crashed it. Actually, my brother did. Since he had a gun and drugs on him, he's in jail. I got out, and my mom threw me out. She was pissed off and drunk. So, Mr Cohen took me in. Marissa: You're their cousin from Boston, right? Ryan: Right.
Seth: You guys really wouldn't hurt me, because that would be so clichéd. (they pick him up) I guess you're fans of the cliché.
Sandy: Don't salt his game, honey. Kirsten: What the hell does that mean?
Sandy: There's a whole world outside this Newport Beach bubble. Kirsten: You don't seem to mind living in this bubble. Sandy: I know there's something else out there.
Seth: You know what I was thinking? I think that this being your last night and all, we should do something special. I don't know what. Possibly get a couple of tattoos or some hookers and lose our virginity. Right? Okay, dude, I don't know. There's a shark movie at the IMAX. If that's what you're into. Ryan: (smiles) I just want to take it easy.
Ryan: So I'm now property of the government. Nickname: 0382965. Seth: Hey, it's better than death-breath Seth. Or so I would imagine.
Sandy: There's no need for sarcasm. Seth: I'm not being sarcastic. Sandy: Well, it's hard to tell sometimes.
Seth: Dude, what did you tell her? Ryan: I didn't tell her anything. I think the black turtleneck in August tipped her off. Seth: Okay, I was going for stealth, and also it's slimming.
Marissa: I mean, what did I ever do to you? Seth: Nothing, Marissa. I've lived next door to you forever and you've never done or said anything to me. Marissa: Oh, my God, you're the one who never talks to me. You think you're so much better than everyone. Seth: I do? Well, if you're talking about Luke, then yes, because that guy shaves his chest.
Seth: You know what I mean? Ryan: Hardly ever.
Cop: So you have no idea where Ryan might've gone? Seth: I don't know. He did say something about going down to Mexico and gambling on cockfights. I mean, I don't know what kind of jurisdiction you guys... Sandy: Quit joking around. Will you answer his question? Seth: Yes, I did. I really don't know. I do not know the guy. I never got the chance.
Marissa: Look, I don't know why Luke does that. Did that. He's just... Seth: An ass? Marissa: Protective.
Seth: Dad, I'm sure Ryan's fine. We should just try again when it's light out. Sandy: Could be too late by then. Seth: Yeah, well, maybe he's better off on his own, anyways. Sandy: What does that mean? Seth: Okay, if we find him, then what? Then, if he's very lucky he gets to go back with his mom? I would run away, too.
Luke: You're okay. Ryan: Disappointed?
Sandy: What was he even doing there? Why didn't you tell us? Seth: Because he didn't want to go to a foster home. He didn't want to leave and I didn't want him to leave either. It's like, you force me to live amongst these-these pod people and the first cool person I meet, it's like, you kick him out of the house. Sandy: I did the best I could. Seth: So did I
Sandy: Well, I should be off. Got to find the next kid to jeopardize the community. Maybe a black kid. Or an Asian kid. Bye, ladies.
Kirsten: Seth. I know that I am not the perfect Carol Brady mom, but I love you and I am trying to protect you. I have dropped all the charges on him. I have hired somebody to find his mother. What more do you want? Seth: I would like you to go with me.
Marissa: I love you. Ryan: Thank you.
Zach: (on Seth and Summer) Even when you're not a couple you'll always be a couple. You're Joanie and Chachi, Luke and Leia. Seth: Um, Luke and Leia were brother and sister. Zach: Yeah, well, may the force be with you. (leaves)
Kirsten: (frowns) Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette? Sandy: Honey honey, I don't actually think that's a ninja, ninjas usually wear capes, right? Kirsten: oooh so a ninja is like a super hero Seth: (had enough) mom, dad, you two enjoy (gets up) Ryan (steps over Sandy's legs) give me five minutes Sandy: Where you goin? (Ryan smiles) come on back Ryan: Nice work (Kirsten smiles, pleased) Sandy: Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child
Jimmy: Don't you remember when we were kids? No one could keep us apart. Julie: Ok, first of all: it is not the same thing. Second of all: am I the gardener in this scenario? I think not. Jimmy: My parents threatened to cut me off if I didn't break up with you. Julie: You never told me that. Jimmy: Why hurt your feelings? Julie: What did you tell them? Jimmy: I told them to go to hell. I told them I was in love with you. I was. Julie: Well, I was easy to love back then. I was beautiful and much nicer. Jimmy: Jules, come on, you're still beautiful. And we both know you were never nice.
Marissa: (speaking loudly) Uh, what's that, Seth? Did you say you need a ride to a Star Wars convention? (She walks into the hallway with Seth and closes the door) Seth: The Star Wars convention? I'm sorry. Her top was off. You couldn't have at least said X-Men for me?
Sandy: I never knew you to be an impulse shopper.
Seth: Hi, Summer. Seth Cohen. Summer: I'm superstitious. Blow on these. Seth: What?
Dawn: So... you caught me. Kirsten: You can't do this. You're his mother. Dawn: I'm a mess. Not a mother.
Dawn: I didn't know what I was doing when I married your dad. I was too young when I had your brother. But with you... You were always the smart one. You know? The good one. When you got arrested... I knew I'd failed, and... you were my last hope. I should go. Ryan: Wait.
Sandy: So... last supper, huh? Sorry. Bad joke. Kirsten: It's just a laugh riot around here.
Seth: Is it twisted to find my potential grandma really hot? Ryan: Not when she looks like that.
(during the holidays, Seth tries to juggles Anna and Summer without letting them know about each other) Anna: (as Seth returns from the pool house, where he has been with Summer) Where have you been? Seth: Ryan just asked me to feed his sea monkeys while he was away. Anna: Ryan has sea monkeys? I love them! Can I see them? Seth: (desperate) No! Uh... you can't see them, that is, well, because they're dead. Suicide. You know how the holidays can be.
Oliver: (holding a gun) Put the phone down. Marissa: I'm sorry Oliver it's just, I got scared so I called Ryan... Oliver: You called Ryan? Marissa: I'm sorry Oliver! I thought we were, just friends! Oliver: Marissa, I'm in LOVE with you! Can't you see that?
Summer: Lost my mind there, didn't I? Marissa: Little bit.
Summer: My hair is frizzing out. I look like Howard Stern! Seth: See, strangely, I feel like my Jew-fro benefits from this climate. Summer: You're Jewish? Seth: Yes. That's why I feel so comfortable in this desert heat.
Marissa: What are you doing? Seth: Nothing. We're just hanging out. Oh, look, it's somebody's birthday. I guess my invitation probably got lost in the mail.
Caleb: What is a booty call?
Anna: I mean, whatever you think about the whole superhero movie genre, at least it's getting people to read the original source material. Seth: I cannot believe that you read comic books. I mean, you're a girl. Anna: What is that supposed to mean? And I call them graphic novels. In fact, if more people did, maybe the whole form wouldn't be so marginalized. Seth: I couldn't agree more.
Ryan: What are you doing for dinner? Theresa: Nothing. Ryan: Don't say you're not hungry, I know you. Theresa: I didn't say I wasn't hungry. I'm starving. Why do you think I'm being such a bitch?
Luke: You know you're a little far from 8 mile (pulls down Ryan's hood)
Tom Willington: Sandy Cohen, working on the weekend. Sandy: Tom Willington, as I live and breathe.
Marissa: Hey, how come you're the brains? I'm the one who talked us back into that club. Seth: I'm sorry. I'm the brains. Ryan: You can be the beauty. Marissa: Okay, thanks. Summer: Great, and what am I, Cohen? Seth: Uh, the boobs? (Summer hits him) Uh, the bitch? Summer: Okay, I'll take the boobs. Seth: Hey. So will I. (Summer laughs) (later) Marissa: See, I think I should be the brains. Ryan: No, Seth's the brains. Marissa: Well, you're clearly not the beauty. Ryan: Ooooh, and now someone's the bitch. (smiles)
Sandy: How was home? Ryan: You tell me, I was in Chino.
Sandy: (about his mother talking about him) If you're happy, you're not working hard enough.
Seth: So what's the GP, RA? Ryan: I have no idea what you just said. Seth: Game plan, Ryan Atwood. Ryan: You're just using initials now? Seth: Yeah, it saves time. Ryan: Well, not if you have to translate. Seth: GP. Ryan: Game plan? Seth: Good point.
Sandy: What are you going to do? Steal a car? Burn down a house? Punch out the captain of the water polo team? Those ships have sailed, my friend.
Seth: That's right. It is complicated. It's complicated by the fact that there's an Eddie, and this Eddie still obviously has feelings for Theresa. In fact that would actually make this romantic triangle more of a romantic... rhombus.
Kirsten: Oh, someone, please stop him before he starts singing "Greased Lightning." Seth: Do it, dad. Travolta's your bitch. Sandy: Oh, thank you, son.
Sandy: Smart kid like you. You got to have a plan. Some kind of a dream. Ryan: Yeah, right. Let me tell you something, okay? Where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true? That does.
Ryan: So how long you been with him? Marissa: Luke? Um... I don't know really. Seth: I know. Fifth grade, when you two got your mack on during our class trip to the Museum of Tolerance. Back of the bus. Classy lady.
Ryan: You knew about this and didn't say anything. Seth: I didn't want to jinx it. Dude, you're a Cohen now. Welcome to a world of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.
Jimmy: She just stopped by to ask a quick business question. Julie: A quickie, huh?
Seth: In fact, having you around to defend me, I've kinda gotten soft. Without anybody picking on me, there's really been no need for the Seth Cohen retaliatory zinger.
Kirsten: (on the phone with wedding planner) Colored lights, no way. White lights only because colored lights remind my father of a carnival. And he hates carnies. Sandy: Note to self: hang with carnies.
Seth: (complimenting Sandy and Kirsten's parenting skills) Hey man, they raised me, okay? Proof, pudding. Speaking of pudding, Mother, do we have any tapioca on tap?
Julie: Why can't you be happy for me? I am.
Julie: (sniping at Jimmy and Hailey) Classy choice, Jimmy. Although it's pretty obvious that you're with her because you can't be with Kirsten. You know, in psychology, I think that's called transference.
Sandy: It's ironic. Julie leaves Jimmy, marries you. Now he's worth millions and now you're going to be broke.
Hailey Nichol: (to Julie) You see, Jeffrey here might be a stripper, but honey, you're a whore.
Summer: (asking for the Cohens' room number at the Hard Rock Hotel) The name is Cohen. C-O-H-E-N. I think that's how you spell it.
Seth: No. What about the Ryan and Seth go to Europe money, my man? Get back in there. We could get Vespas.
Summer: He's kissing another girl. Marissa: (shocked) No. Summer: Yes, right infront'a me on the phone. I can't believe this. I have been crying actual tears over that *ass* and he's kissing randoms! Marissa: Okay, you know what? We're gonna have a girls night out, okay? Theresa's coming over and we can do whatever you want. Summer: Really? Cause all I wanna do right now is go to Las Vegas and kick Cohen's ass.
Seth: (showing off his fake IDs to Marissa) Sievy Sebulsky of Menlo Park. It's nice to meet you. Have you met my associate, Marty Navis?
Seth: Damn it! I'm being sarcastic. Ryan: So, sarcasm's like breathing for you. Seth: Yeah, Summer's dad thinks sarcasm is a sign of weakness. Ryan: Sounds like a smart man.
Luke: Welcome to the O.C., bitch. This is how it's done in Orange County.
Seth: Wow, I'm sorry. I should really learn to knock... in case, there's a threesome going on in the bathroom.
Sandy: So, I'd thought we'd head out to the fashion show at around seven. Seth: Yeah, okay. Have fun. Sandy: Come on. It's a whole new school year, Seth. Seth: It's also the same kids, Dad. Why do they even need a fashion show? Every day's a fashion show for these people. Sandy: Yeah, well, Ryan has to go. Marissa invited him. Seth: (to Ryan) Marissa invited you? I've lived next door to Marissa since, like, forever. Her dad almost got married to my mom even and, like, she's never even invited me to a birthday. Sandy: That is not true. They did not almost get married. Seth: Eh. Ryan: Hey, maybe Summer will be there. Seth: That's interesting. She is Marissa's best friend. 7: 00?
Holly Fischer: Hey, that's my blender!
Summer: (to Marissa about Luke) God, he loves you. He got into a fight and burned down a house over you. That's hot.
Seth: Too complicated for banter about boats and Hanson?
Sandy: I'm here. Kirsten: We're going. Sandy: But I put on a jacket.
Summer: Are you making fun of me? Anna: Most of the time, Summer, you do my job for me. Summer: Again... not tracking.
Marissa: Hey, we're lucky that guy even stopped for us. Summer: Well, we'd be even luckier if Cole Trickle here hadn't driven us off the road! Seth: Who the hell is Cole Trickle? Summer: Ugh, Tom Cruise? Days of Thunder? Marissa: Hey guys, can we try to be positive here? Seth: Yeah, okay, I am positive that this is Summer's fault. Summer: I am positive that I am leaving this place with a rash. Seth: Oh, so you're planning on making some extra money tonight?
Seth: I'm going 70 in a 65 zone. Summer: 80 is the new 70. Seth: What? Who talks like that?
Summer: Who gets passed by a van full of nuns? Oh wait, who? Cohen does! Seth: Well, they have God on their side okay, Summer? I'm not going to beat Jesus.
Julie: Can I ask you a question? Kirsten: Mmhmm. Julie: Do you like that he calls you Kiki? Kirsten: Hate it. Julie: 'Cause he kept calling me Juju, like that candy that gets stuck in your teeth. I begged him to stop.
Seth: I was like Nemo, Ryan. I found my way HOME.
Seth: Well, if you need anything, I'll take the graveyard shift. Ryan: I think we'll manage. Seth: I was afraid you'd say that.
Seth: (trying not to cry) Anna, wait a second. What am I going to do without you? Who am I going to play Jenga with? You're so wise and all your sage wisdom, what am I going to do without that? Anna: (smiles) Confidence, Cohen.
Sandy: It's great that you hung in there after all the foreplay. Seth: Fore-what now?
Sandy: I promise you, I'd rather send you to jail than get in bed with your father.
Anna: So I guess you and Mrs Cohen have a lot in common... Sandy: Sure sure, we both love, uhh... Seth.
Sandy: (Sandy and Seth are discussing Danny, Summer's new boyfriend) Sandy: Whoa, that kid is not funny. Seth: Thank you. I know. Sandy: He makes Ryan look funny. Seth: He makes Marissa look funny. Sandy: Gentiles. I love your mother more than words, but not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends.
Kirsten: He's a consultant. Sandy: Could you be please be a little more vague? Kirsten: He knows people. Sandy: You did it! That was more vague.
Kirsten: Sometimes you make it hard to hate you. Sandy: I know, it's part of my charm. Kirsten: And sometimes you make it easy.
Sandy: What are we fighting about? Kirsten: I don't know, but it's serious!
Kirsten: It would be nice if Uncle Sean could be here. Sandy: Not if we have to pay for the bar tab.
Kirsten: My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper... is my step-mom. Jimmy: Maybe we'll get you another bottle. Sandy: Yeah, drink up. Kirsten: This is an unholy alliance. This is two storm fronts colliding. This is the apocalypse for us all.
Kirsten: Julie, I am not going to a place called The Petting Zoo. You don't know where the pets have been.
Seth: (to Ryan) Do you want to play Grand Theft Auto? It's pretty cool. You can like, steal cars and... not that that's cool. Or uncool. I don't know.
Kirsten: You brought him home? This is not a stray puppy, Sandy. Sandy: I know that, Kirsten. Kirsten: I knew it was only a matter of time before you started bringing home felons.
Newport Woman #1: What are you doing, putting my daughter in Calvin Klein? She was supposed to wear Vera Wang. Peggy: And she would if she had the chest to hold it up. It's called puberty, honey. It'll happen. Okay, girls, chop chop. Show time.
Julie: (to Kaitlin) Do you like my hair this straight or is it too Avril Lavigne? Marissa: No, it looks good, Mom. Julie: (sees Marissa behind her) Oh, Marissa. You look... oh honey, I thought you were going to wear your hair down. Pulled back like that, it's a little harsh on your angles. Jimmy: (heads downstairs and to the front door) Okay, let's go! Julie: It's going to be so amazing tonight. Are you going to wear the Donna Karan, Maris? I thought it was very forgiving.
Seth: You know what I like about rich kids? Bam, nothing. Hey, Ryan, you wouldn't consider me rich, would you? I'd be more upper middle class?
Sandy: And you know, they do find foster home for kids your age. Seth: Yeah, because everyone wants a brand new teenager. (everyone stares at him) I'm sorry if I'm the only one here that will state the obvious... Kirsten: Seth. Seth: - But we have all this extra room, right? We have a pool house. Yet, you guys are going to ship him off to a group home. Am I the only one who gets how much that sucks?
Ryan: (to Marissa) You listen to punk, huh? Marissa: (matter-of-factly) I'm angry.
Seth: Yeah, it's too bad you're leaving. We never eat like this. Kirsten: That's not true. I cook all the time. Seth: (scoffs) Dad... Sandy: I'm sorry, honey. (starts laughing) Kirsten: Let's just eat. Sandy: We're not saying we want you to cook more. Seth: Oh... (blows raspberry) Hell, no. You remember the meat loaf incident of '98? Kirsten: That was brisket. Seth: Yeah, that's my point exactly.
Seth: Fair enough. Where are you going? Ryan: I don't know. New town, get a job somewhere, save some money. Seth: Great plan. Sounds like you've given it a lot of thought.
Ryan: I'm not too popular around here, and your boyfriend - a little bit angry. Marissa: You're telling me you didn't try to hit him back? Ryan: Actually, I hit him first. Marissa: Well, hard to believe you're not more popular.
Julie: Hey, there's eggs. Oh, I'm taking Kaitlin to the stable, so I need to get that check. Jimmy: Does Kaitlin really need a pony? In a couple of months, she's not even going to like horses. Kaitlin: What? I love China! She's the prettiest pony.
Summer: (screams in delight and pulls him towards the table) You're not going anywhere, Sid. Seth: Seth. Summer: Whatever!
Summer: Still hasn't called you back, huh? Well, he was in lockup. Maybe he's into dudes now.
Anna: Could you be any more pathetic? Lone figure, sitting on the floor, wondering if he's going to be lonely for the rest of his life. Seth: Oh, hey, your sensitivity, it's really... nonexistent. Anna: You know what your problem is? You're not a man. Seth: Again, not appreciating the brutal honesty.
Anna: Wait. Are you the kid from Chino who steals cars and sets people's houses on fire? (pauses) So you're saying I'm making my debut into society with Newport's most wanted? Ryan: Is that going to be a problem? Anna: I can't wait!
Seth: Are you just not going to go 'cause you're afraid of Luke? Ryan: That's not what I'm afraid of. Look, your parents taking me in, that's, like, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I'm not going to lose it just to kick some guy's ass. Seth: But you could totally kick his ass, right? Ryan: Oh, yeah.
Anna: Do you know what girls find sexy? Seth: Nope. Uh, wait, let me guess. Dudes who play water polo? Anna: Confidence!
Summer: (looking at Ryan) Every girl needs a white knight. Seth: Seth Cohen, white knight.
Sandy: When did you become so cynical? Kirsten: When did you become so self-righteous? Sandy: I've always been self-righteous. You used to find it charming.
Kirsten: (to Ryan) We should clean all this out so that you'll have room for some of your... right. You don't have any stuff. Which means we've got to go shopping. For clothes and shoes and underpants. Seth: Mom, don't say underpants.
Seth: (rubs his boat, Summer Breeze, lovingly) Ohhh, I've missed you. It's been too long. Ryan: You're talking to a boat, Seth. Seth: Yeah, I talk to a plastic horse too but that never worries anyone. Ryan: It worries me.
Jimmy: Your mother has to wake up every morning and be Julie Cooper. That's punishment enough.
Kirsten: Is everything okay? Seth: Hmm? Yeah, it's fine. Theresa: I'm pregnant. Seth: Well, except for that.
Sandy: Just because you're leaving doesn't mean I'm letting you go.
Summer: We're not having sex, by the way. Seth: Excellent. There's not enough pain and suffering around us already.
Marissa: (on why she won't hook up with D.J) He's the yard guy. Summer: Well, he can park his truck in my driveway anytime.
Summer: No, see Zach and I? We're just hanging out. He is not my boyfriend. I do not want a boyfriend, okay. I had a boyfriend, he sailed away.
Caleb Nichol: What the hell is that? Sandy: It's my mother's meat loaf. Caleb Nichol: (looks around) Oh God, your mother's here? Sandy: Her recipe is. I'm trying out a chef. You want some? Caleb Nichol: Actually, I think the sight of your mother's meat loaf has turned me into a vegetarian.
Caleb Nichol: I've come to ask a favor. Sandy: I'm sorry, what did you say? Caleb Nichol: You didn't hear me? Sandy: No, I heard you, I... I just want to make you say it again.
Marissa: So, my mum's trying to drag me to cardio bar again. It's her idea of mother-daughter bonding. Summer: Cardio bar, Coop? Marissa: Well, she says it's the new Taibo. So maybe I can learn to kick her ass. Summer: I don't think you need to do any more cardio. Marissa: What's that supposed to mean? Summer: Nothing. It's just that - well and I mean this in the least scandalous way but you're looking a little thin. Marissa: I eat!
Summer: Ugh, this bikini is so uncomfortable. I need to go get a new one. You want to go to South Coast? Marissa: Totally. There's a Paul Frank sale there on Wednesday. Summer: Wednesday? I can't. I have plans with Zach. Marissa: Oh, more plans with Zach, huh? Summer: Yes. The more time I spend with Zach, the less time I have to think about - God, what's his face? Built like a beanpole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on a sailboat leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried and cried over him till the Fourth of July when she decided she doesn't cry over bitches on boats. Marissa: Seth. His name. It's Seth. Summer: I know. I'm just doing that thing where I pretend I don't and I have to use a lot of descriptive insults to give voice to my inner pain.
Caleb: What is that flower truck doing in our driveway? I get the feeling that it's been there every week. Julie: Because it has. Caleb: We get flowers delivered every week? Julie: Yes, Cal. They're living things. They die.
Caleb: Do you hear a clicking on the phone? Every time I try to dial and I swear, I hear a clicking. Julie: Okay, Nixon. Paranoid, much?
Kirsten: Seth, it's Mom. Seth: Mom, hmm? Blonde, sharp Anglican features, cute little nose? Kirsten: Come home. Seth: Did Ryan come back? Kirsten: Seth Ezekiel. Seth: Okay, using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond.
Summer: Ryan. I'm sorry, I thought you were the evil step-monster. Ryan: She let me in. She seems nice. Summer: Yeah, well she just switched anti-depressants. Give it a day.
Caleb: Thank you for letting me spend the night in jail. It was the most vile, most inhuman night of my life. Sandy: Well, coming from the guy who married Julie Cooper, that's saying something.
Marissa: (about Ryan) I think he hates me. Summer: He doesn't hate you! Marissa: He turned down sex! Summer: You might be onto something...
Seth: How was the party dad?... I think someone called the cops.
Sandy: Why don't we give up? Oh, give up with me, honey! We could let the Gruesome Twosome destroy our careers, or we could sit here, enjoy obscene amounts of Dr Phil, and destroy them ourselves.
D.J.: Guess I'd better prepare myself for some drama, huh? Marissa: You have no idea.
Seth: Shhh! We're being stealth!
Alex: (to Jodie and Seth) I would have introduced you guys, but I didn't want you to meet.
Seth: It's pronounced Tee-ah-HUANA. God, Mom, you are so white.
Seth: He's on a diet. Kirsten: Why is he on a diet? Seth: I don't know. Kirsten: Well, I'm going to go ask. Seth: No, Mom, he's in, like, a Zen concentration mode. Kirsten: Well, he has to eat. Seth: He's naked!
Seth: Not now, Mom, I'm studying naked. Summer: Ew! Seth: Summer? Come in! Summer: No way!
Summer: Go away, I'm studying... naked! Seth: That's supposed to keep me away?
Seth: Yeah... yeah, I should apologize. It's just my pride. Ryan: What pride? Seth: Yeah, I guess there's nothin' standin' in my way.
Kate: You L.A. chicks are so lame! Summer: We are not from L.A., we are from Orange County! Kate: Orange County? Eww!
Sandy: (Seth is acting like an old man) I am officially terrified. Ryan: He doesn't have this many friends at school.
Sandy: Hey, Cal. Always a pleasure, although if I may, why are we meeting in a parking garage? Caleb: Because my office might be bugged. My home, your home, who knows what the Feds are up to? Sandy: Wow, you've really flipped your noodle haven't, you?
Seth: Wait. Hang on. I'm not goin' anywhere until somebody tells me what happened last night. Mom, would you please fill me in? (Kirsten leaves) Mom! I- Oh, I get it. I'm just here for the comic relief.
Summer: You know, Cohen, with your two hands on the wheel and the wind blowing through your hair (looks at Seth, nods) you actually looked kinda hot. Seth: Let me guess, Summer, you have a (shrugs, amused) weakness for seamen. (smiles) Summer: (screws up her face) Ewww Cohen, and then there's that. Seth: Nah, aww.
Summer: You know, Cohen... your two hands on the wheel, and the wind blowing through your hair... you actually looked kinda hot. Seth: Let me guess, Summer. You have a weakness for semen? Summer: Ew, Cohen! And then there's that.
Sandy: So this happened in the parking lot of the IMAX movie theater? Seth: Shark movies bring out a rough crowd.
Julie: When I was little, and a limousine would drive by, I would always try to see through the tinted windows. To see who the people were inside, what kind of life they lived, glamorous, and lucky. You were probably in there staring right back at me. Which means I've been jealous of you since I was eight.
Seth: You can't ruin Chrismukkah. It's got twice the resistance of any normal holiday.
Ryan: Okay, I screwed up yet again. So now what? You're going to kick me out? Sandy: You think you can mess up so bad we'll just give up on you? You can't. You are part of this family now and you're going to feel the full weight of that. You're going to wish we threw you out.
Rebecca: It's kind of hard to meet people when you can't let anybody know who you really are and can't stay in one place too long. Sandy: I can see how that might "salt your game". Rebecca: "Salt your game". Is that how they talk in Orange county? Sandy: Stick around. You'll be saying "Rad" in no time.
Summer: My dream involved a date. A hot guy in a tux with a carnation pinned to his lapel. Instead, I'm drawing straws between nerd boy and ass clown.
Summer: You've got to admit, Coop. (Marissa looks at her) Whatever happens, Ryan facing off with Trey to avenge your honour - God, that is so *freaking* hot! (Marissa doesn't say anything) In a mythic, biblical, Samurai Western kind of way.
Summer: Thanks for almost getting my bathing suit wet, Cohen. Seth: My pleasure. Ryan: (mocking Summer, nasal tone) Cohen, I can't believe that you did that, Cohen. (smirks)
Lindsay Gardner: Maybe I don't want to be Caleb Nichol's daughter.
Seth: Well, today's the first day back from spring break, and I was planning on telling Summer, about that little... misunderstanding in Miami. Sandy: Where you licked the whipped cream off the girl's naked stomach... and ate the cherry out of her mouth?
Seth: Amazing. This whole time, I thought you were a nice guy. Zach: Wake up! I'm a water polo player. We're never nice guys.
Sandy: So you and Summer seemed pretty chummy yesterday. Seth: Dad, chummy? Sandy: It's okay. You can tell me. Seth: No, really, I can't. Sandy: If you can't tell your dad, who can you tell? Seth: Gee, I don't know, ugh Ryan... Mom... that tree over there.
Ryan: Lindsay wants to hang out with the sister she never knew she had. I can't stand in the way, or make it all about me, right? Seth: No, that's something I would do.
Marissa: I think we should spend the entire summer just being normal. Ryan: We're not holding Seth to that? Marissa: No, no. That'd be impossible.