The North Avenue Irregulars

1979

(Everybody has just spotted Rev. Hill returning to church with only his britches missing) Bette Sims: How come he doesn't have any pants on? Mrs Vicki Sims: Well, we - we don't know why, we - we don't question why. Bette Sims: Why don't we? Did we also posed that daddy has pants on, when he doesn't? Mrs Vicki Sims: (sappy-like) Mm-hmm, Yeah.

Claire: If you loose, does the treasury department give you back your money? Ticket Giver: (through a head-hole in a walk-up counter) I thought so. Here's your order, lady. (throws a handfull of flowers at her) And next time, take your business someplace else!

Mrs Rose Rafferty: Did you have to wear that? We look like the Sabobsy twins. Mrs Vicki Sims: (spotting Cleo in the same outfit as them) Or triplets.

Rev. Michael Hill: (over $1,206 of the church) I want that money back, and if I don't get it, I will go straight to the police. Harry the Hat: Now we don't want any trouble.

Jane: I'd like to stick it to 'em good!

(in a saloon, Jane and Marv Fogleman "Chief T-Man" are in there, and Jane is disguised silly like a saloon girl. Howard "Jane's fiancé" and his mother just arrive.) Howard Carlisle: Jane! Jane: Howard! Howard Carlisle: What on Earth are you doing in here? Jane: I'm just having a little refreshment. Mother Carlisle: Oh, is that what they call it these days? Ask her who the man is, Howard. Howard Carlisle: Who--- Jane: Howard, I'll call you later. Mother Carlisle: Ask her who the man is, Howard! Jane: Howard--- (Howard's mom pokes him, still forcing him to ask it) Howard Carlisle: Who is that man?! Jane: He's just a guy. He bought me a drink, now is that a crime? Mother Carlisle: See, I told you she wasn't right for you, in the first place. Howard Carlisle: Yes, Mother.

(at the gambling counter, Mrs Rose Rafferty, Vicki Sims, and Cleo Jackson are all there disguised) Big Chin, the Food Stand Operator: What'll it be? All Girls: Coffee. Mrs Rose Rafferty: (gambling) And, try on 2-6-8. My horoscope says that even numbers are going to be very lucky for me today.

Mrs Rose Rafferty: Delaney told me it was a blank tape... Mrs Vicki Sims: Mrs Rafferty, we're very fortunate we're not dead. After all, we don't even look like gamblers.

Mrs Rose Rafferty: (pointing to the inside of her trench coat) Look, I've got a tape recorder. Mrs Vicki Sims: Is it on? Mrs Rose Rafferty: No. Mrs Vicki Sims: Well, why don't you have it on, so it'll be running when we make the bet. Mrs Rose Rafferty: Good idea. (reaches in and try to turn the "record" button on, but accidentally pushes a different one, which makes it give off a rewinding sound, which brings attention to the Food-Stand Operator) Mrs Vicki Sims: No, not that way. That's reverse.

Sam the Tailor: Hold it! Your pants. Rev. Michael Hill: What? Sam the Tailor: (points to a sign behind him and reads it out) "Pants Pressed While 'U Wait." That's part of my deal with Harry. Rev. Michael Hill: But all I want to do is talk to him. Sam the Tailor: No exceptions.

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