The Missionary
1982
The Bishop: I tried to teach the rudiments of rugby football. But it wasn't really their sort of thing. They hang on to the ball for too long. Weeks, sometimes.
Ada: Most o' my boys just want company... a bit o' cheerin' up. I'm like a mother to 'em! Only they can't fuck their mothers so they come 'ere.
(On her husband's dying.) Lady Fermleigh: It was really a breach of manners. He's never done it before.
Slatterthwaite: You can't miss it, sir. Turn right out of the station. Or left.
Lord Ames: I once had a chap before me who'd been caught stealing from the mess. I ordered every alternate fingernail to be removed, and you know, I still get a card from him every Christmas.
Lord Ames: You see, what I think is wrong with the country today is that there aren't enough people chained up.
(Writing to The Times on how to treat the poor.) Lord Ames: Are there two "l"s in "disembowelment"?
Deborah Fitzbanks: Everyone was asking after you. They're all terribly excited about the wedding. Reverend Fortescue: Wedding? Deborah Fitzbanks: OUR wedding! Reverend Fortescue: Oh, yes. ... Yes.
Reverend Fortescue: I shall be looking after women. ... Women who are in... moral trouble. Deborah Fitzbanks: Liars?
Reverend Fortescue: Deborah, do you know what is meant by "fallen women"? Deborah Fitzbanks: Women who have hurt their knees.
Reverend Fortescue: I'm going to remain a missionary. Deborah Fitzbanks: But I thought... Reverend Fortescue: A missionary IN ENGLAND! Deborah Fitzbanks: But everyone's ENGLISH in England.
Reverend Fortescue: The locals had never seen a bicycle before. They used to call me "The Man on the Starving Horse."
Reverend Fortescue: Vicki -- Violet: Violet. Reverend Fortescue: Er, Violet. Would you and Ruby -- Rosie: Rosie. Reverend Fortescue: Rosie. Go and clean upstairs, and get some help from the three girls in my bed.