The League of Gentlemen: Live at Drury Lane
2001 (V)
Pauline: (the audience boo her) Is this Dick fucking Wittington? You'll want to see men dressed as women next!
Pauline: My God, I've never seem so much dole scum under one roof before. Has no one got a job in here? No, you're all too busy flicking yourselves off to Ann Robinson!
Herr Lipp: If you know of any erections, please let me know. I'm not fussy where I put myself.
Herr Lipp: There's a lot of fun English games. Hop cock, British bull dykes and stick your tail in a donkey.
Prosecuter: Did you know the deceased well? Mickey: Is that a pub?
Olly Plimsoles: Good evening, we are Legz Akimbo theatre company. (applause) Thanks very much! Some of you may remember us from a couple of Christmases ago, we did a play called "Pins and Needles". A play about tramps on heroin.
Prosecuter: The final suspect came in the shape of an old fat woman. State your name for the record madam. Cathy Carter Smith: MISS! Cathy Carter Smith. Prosecuter: Occupation? Cathy Carter Smith: Restart officer. I was assigned to take over from Pauline, um, the victim. Prosecuter: How did she react to this. Cathy Carter Smith: I think she took it rather well. Pauline: (we go back to the scene) Piss off you big fat cunt!
Steve: Come on Hamlet, make your mind up! Mark: Stop soliqusiing you danish poof!
Herr Lipp: Enjoy the rest of your evening, sleep tight. And remember, don't let the bugger bite you.
Olly Plimsoles: It will be the first time I've written a play for adults. I'm glad I'm not standing up here as teacher. I'm not "sir". I'm not "mum". I'm not "dad". I'm Olly Plimsoles. (patronising) And I'm not gonna patronise you. Pat-ro-nise, means to talk down to you.