The Larry Sanders Show
1992
Artie: I speak fluent bullshit.
Artie: Hello oh great one. Larry: Are you talking to me or my ass?
Larry: You know in fact, Hank, what I was thinking was next year when we have the going away party, let me and Artie take care of the stripper because we can probably find one that doesnt know ya.
Hank Kingsley: What about the time I chipped my tooth on the bathroom urinal? What the FUCK is so comical about that! Larry: It was a back tooth Hank. (under his breath) I don't know how you did it.
Arthur: You'll have to forgive Hank. His heart's in the right place but he keeps his brain in a box at home.
Larry: Hey Warren. Warren Beatty: (disinterested) Hey Larry. Larry: Hey listen, would you like to come on my show tomorrow night and just say hello and goodbye to me? Because it's the end of the whole thing tomorrow night. Warren Beatty: I could say goodbye to you now.
Larry: Thank you very much. No flipping.
Jerry Seinfeld: Anyway Larry, we're going to enjoy watching you in syndication, after this. Larry: This show isn't going to be syndicated. Jerry Seinfeld: Oh that's right, that's me.
Arthur: You finally got to do a sketch with the great Carol Burnett! Larry: It wasn't a sketch. It was a massive spastic fuck-up. Arthur: Tomayto, tomahto!
Hank Kingsley: (dictating "Hank's Thoughts" for a newsletter) : If I had my druthers, there would be no more world hunger.
Hank Kingsley: Hey now! Larry: Now you see, I just told you to stop saying that.
Arthur: (talking to a janitor after hours) Dimitri, my man, you and I both clean up shit for a living. The only difference is my shit talks back.
Larry: So... Dana Carvey: I'll host. Larry: Don't host... host.
Arthur: Your fly is undone. Larry: Oh, thanks. Arthur: Just doing my job. Larry: It's your job to look at my crotch? Arthur: I consider it one of my perks.
Stevie Grant: I had sex with a lesbian once. Best piece of ass I ever had. Artie: You're supposed to have sex with two lesbians, that's the point.
Hank Kingsley: (giving a tour) And if you stop by here, you can say hello to my good friend, Larry Sanders. (knocks) Hey now, Larry. Larry: Fuck off, Hank. Hank Kingsley: (getting back to tour) And over here...
Bruno Kirby: I was in "The Godfather". Hank Kingsley: I don't think so. Bruno Kirby: I was in "The Godfather Part 2". Hank Kingsley: Oh see, I only saw part 3, the good one.
Wendy Traston: (doing a stand-up routine) So I'm licking jelly off of my boyfriend, right? And I'm thinking, ew, I'm turning into my mother.