The In-Laws
2003/I
Angela Harris: We've got the FBI on us like trailer trash on Velveeta.
Steve Tobias: We're the CIA. Angela Harris: Great, now I have to kill him.
Steve Tobias: This wedding is going to be as normal as butter on mashed potatoes.
Jerry Peyser: "Normal as butter on mashed potatoes"? That lasted about ten minutes.
Jerry Peyser: That was fun. Steve Tobias: Yeah blackmail! Ha ha.
Steve Tobias: I don't know one person here. Jerry Peyser: That's because it's not an arms market.
Jerry Peyser: I'm sorry I called you the worst father in the world. I'm sure there's at least two or three guys who are worse. Steve Tobias: Thank you, Jer.
Jerry Peyser: Six people on a beach! I could have saved a fortune. Steve Tobias: Jer, they're gonna be fine. In fact, the whole family's gonna be just fine.
Jerry Peyser: You know something? He might actually like prison. Steve Tobias: Like it? He's gonna love it.
Mark Tobias: The one time my father shows up to Cub Scouts and I earn a merit badge in covert evasion techniques.
Mark Tobias: (walks in the men's restroom while Steve and Angela are sitting up the man Steve beat up) Oh, an unconscious person. You must be working.
Jerry Peyser: I would contract what they call wet bone. Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: I'm curious to know more about wet bone.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: To Fat Cobra in the flesh.
Steve Tobias: Doctor, do you know what a roofie is? Jerry Peyser: Yeah I know what a roofie is, frat boys give them to girls at parties. (Steve nods) Jerry Peyser: Oh no. Oh don't rape me. (passes out)
Jerry Peyser: I got what they call wet bone. Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: I'm curious to know more about wet bone.
Jean-Pierre Thibodoux: People think we are crazy. But they don't know the joy of holding a man's beating heart in the palm of your hand. Jerry Peyser: Aww, that's a good feeling.
Jerry Peyser: Katharine, I am in the bathroom of Barbra Streisand's airplane.