The In-Laws
1979
(after a harrowing cab ride) Sheldon: Did we hit the little boy on Sixth Avenue? Vince Ricardo: No, we missed him by a good foot and a half.
Sheldon: Six thousand a year tuition to listen to this.
Sheldon: The ocean? It's over the ocean to Scranton, Pennsylvania?
Vince Ricardo: Just go with the flow, Shel, just go with the flow. Sheldon: What flow? There isn't any flow.
Vince Ricardo: Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself.
Sheldon: There's no reason to shoot at me, I'm a dentist.
Sheldon: You were involved in the Bay of Pigs? Vince Ricardo: Involved? That was my idea.
Tommy: Dad and his mysterious phone calls. Vince Ricardo: What the hell do you mean by that? Tommy: Nothing. You're just always making these weird calls in back rooms and pay booths... Vince Ricardo: You little snot-nose! Those phone calls put you through college!
Vince Ricardo: I was in the jungle - the bush we called it - for approximately nine months... Sheldon: Nine months! That must have really been something! Vince Ricardo: It was. I saw things... They have tsetse flies down there the size of eagles.
(On working for the CIA) Vince Ricardo: Are you interested in joining? The benefits are terrific. The trick is not to get killed. That's really the key to the benefit program.
Vince Ricardo: You know, I'm such a great driver, it's incomprehensible that they took my license away.
Sheldon: I have flames on my car. I HAVE FLAMES ON MY CAR!
Vince Ricardo: Serpentine Shelly. Serpentine!
Vince Ricardo: Son, do you remember when we use to play ball on Nagle Avenue? Tommy: No dad, we talked about playing ball on Nagle Avenue, but we never did.
Sheldon: I've only had four women in my life. Two of them, my wife!
General Garcia: We have no blindfolds senor, we are a poor country!
Vince Ricardo: Serpentine, Shel! Serpentine!
General Garcia: I am a pacifist by nature with a deep Quaker belief in the sanctity of human life. I wish I had a choice but to kill you.
Sheldon: Please God, don't let me die on West 31st Street!