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The Guru

2002

Vijay: Do you know why they call it the American Dream? Because it only happens when you are asleep.

Vijay: Name one famous Indian in America. Sanjay: That guy from the Simpsons. Vijay: He is a cartoon!

Vijay: (shouting while knockin at the door of his roomates) IMIGRATION!

Mira: Ramu is on TV! Mrs Gupta: What he is talking about? Nana: Sexual intercourse.

Hank the Cameraman: (wedding guests are unaware that Hank is a porno cameramen) Pretend that I'm not here.

Father: Enough of this swapping of spit! Let's celebrate!

Ramu Gupta: Why are you afraid? Kitty: What makes you think that I'm afraid? Ramu Gupta: I feel it.

Hoseman: Rusty! My heart beats for you. (everyone else looks around perplexed)

Sharonna: I'm engaged to a nice, normal guy. Do you know how hard it is to find a nice, normal guy in New York?

Hank the Cameraman: Alright, you wanna lose the pants? Ramu Gupta: Is that part of the movie? Hank the Cameraman: Could be.

Ramu Gupta: Is the Mercedes in the shop or something? Vijay: Or something.

Ramu Gupta: (Upon seeing the apartment) You're a real bastard, you know that?

Vijay: You have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly, what more do you want? Ramu Gupta: I want what you promised.

Ramu Gupta: You need to do your own thing. Live your own life. (walks away angrily) Lexi: I'm going to meditate on that.

Ramu Gupta: The most powerful sexual organ is your brain. Think about it. (Faces woman) Are you thinking? Turned-on Woman: My whole body is about to think!

Rasphal the Cook: Is he doing the Macarena?

Chantal: I give you Swami Bu. Vijay: Swami, you're on. (a drunk Swami collapes) Vijay: Swami Bu has gone to another dimension.

Chantal: What's wrong? You haven't been up here since the Reagan administration.

Lexi: You can't just go away. (shouting) I have abandon issues!

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