The Great Mouse Detective

1986

Basil: There's always a chance, Doctor, as long as one can think.

Fidget: (after Olivia stomps on his toes) Ow! My foot! My only foot!

Basil: Don't worry, old fellow. It's not *entirely* hopeless.

Ratigan: Oh, I love it when I'm nasty.

Basil: (concerning Professor Ratigan) There's no evil scheme he wouldn't concoct! No depravity he wouldn't commit.

Ratigan: I have the power! Robot Queen: Of course you do. Ratigan: I am supreme! Robot Queen: Only you. Ratigan: This is my kingdom! (maniacal laugh) Ratigan: That is, of course, with your highness' permission. (the robot is idle; Ratigan slaps it to start it again) Robot Queen: Most assuredly... you insidious fiend. Ratigan: What? Robot Queen: You're not my royal consort! Ratigan: (to crowd) Such a sense of humour. Robot Queen: You're a cheap fraud & impostor! Ratigan: (under his breath) Flaversham! Basil: (operating the robot) A corrupt, vicious, demented, lowlife scoundrel. There's no evil scheme you wouldn't concoct. (the robot goes crazy and breaks apart) Robot Queen: No depravity you wouldn't commit. You, professor, are none other than a foul stenchus rodentus, commonly known as a... Ratigan: Don't say it! Basil: ... Sewer rat!

Basil: Remember, Dawson, we're low-life ruffians. Dr Dawson: Well, I was until that . . . Basil: Shh!

Ratigan: Fidget, you delightful little maniac!

Ratigan: Ah, the uniforms! Oh, Fidget, I knew I could rely on you. Now, you didn't forget anything? Fidget: No problem. I took care of everything. Everything on the list... (tries to display the list but, to his amazement, the list is gone) Ratigan: What's wrong? Fidget: The list... but I know I... Ratigan: Where's the list? Fidget: The list, yeah, yeah yeah. Well, you see it was like this. I was in the toy store getting uniforms when I heard a "aroo aroo". Ratigan: (irritated) You're not coming through. Fidget: A dog came! I ran! I had baby bonnet, girl in bag, and Basil ch-chased me. Ratigan: What? Basil on the case? Why, you gibbering, little... hm... hm... HMMMMM! (restrains himself as Fidget cowers. Then suddenly calms down) Ratigan: (chuckles) Oh, my dear Fidget. You have been hanging upside down too long. (lovingly scooping up Fidget he walks toward Felicia's lair) Fidget: You mean you're not mad? I'm glad you're taking it so well. (Ratigan rings the dinner bell to summon Felicia) Fidget: (as he's being eaten) Aaaah! Not me, you idiot! No, stop, you stupid furball! Open up! Open up! You're hurting my wings! Ratigan: (rubbing his forehead) How dare that idiot Basil poke his stupid nose into my wonderful scheme and foul up everything?

Olivia Flaversham: You know, Daddy, this is my very best birthday! Hiram Flaversham: Ah, but I haven't given you your present yet.

Dr Dawson: Scoundrel's quite gone. Basil: But not for long, Miss Flamhammer! Olivia Flaversham: Flaversham! Basil: Whatever.

Basil: Miss Flamchester! Olivia Flaversham, Dr Dawson: Flaversham! Basil: Whatever.

Olivia Flaversham: Goodbye, Basil. (sniffles) I... I'll never forget you. Basil: Nor I you, Miss... Miss Flangerhanger. Dr Dawson: (chuckles) Whatever.

Fidget: Here you are, sweetheart. The Mouse Queen: Have you... been with us... long?

Ratigan: Now, you will remember to smile for the camera, won't you? Say "Cheese".

Dr Dawson: You're... despicable! Ratigan: Hehe... Yes.

Basil: Now, Toby, sit! (Toby doesn't sit) Basil: (sternly) Toby... sit! Olivia Flaversham: Sit, Toby! (Toby sits) Basil: Good boy...

Basil: Toby, I want you to find... THIS FIEND! Basil: Toby, I want you to find... this fiend! (Toby growls) Basil: Yes, you know his type. Arf! A villain! Arf-arf! A scoundrel! (growls) Basil: Low brow. Close-set eyes. Broken wing. (Toby stands there, confused) Basil: Oh. He's a peg-legged bat with a broken wing. (Toby resumes growling) Basil: Yes, Yes! Grr! That's the spirit! Grrr! Got his scent? (Toby nods) Basil: Good boy! Good boy!

Basil: Dawson, these drinks have been... drugged! (Dawson has drunken his mug of drugged beer) Dr Dawson: (drunkenly) Has a rather nice bite to it...

Basil: Ratigan, no one can have a higher opinion of you than I have, and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!

Ratigan: (standing atop Big Ben) I've won! Ha ha ha! Basil: On the contrary! The game's not over yet! (clock shifts and tolls the hour)

Hiram Flaversham: You can do what you want with me. I won't be a part of this-this... this evil any longer! Ratigan: Oh, very well, if that is your decision. Ratigan: (pulls out Olivia's toy ballerina and winds it up) Ratigan: Oh, by the way, I'm taking the liberty of having your daughter brought here. Hiram Flaversham: O... Olivia? Ratigan: Yes. I would spend many a sleepless night if anything unfortunate were to befall her. Hiram Flaversham: You... Y-You wouldn't! (Ratigan crushes the ballerina in his hand and looks forlornly at it, then at Flaversham) Ratigan: Finish it, Flaversham!

Dr Dawson: Dash it all, Basil! The Queen's in danger, Olivia's counting on us, we're about to be horribly "splatted" and all you can do is lie there feeling sorry for yourself. Well, I know you can save us, but if you've given up then why don't we just set it off now and be done with it? Basil: (feebly) He he. "Set it off now." Set if off... now? (triumphantly) Basil: Ha ha! Yes! We'll set the trap off now!

Ratigan: Oh, my dear Bartholomew. I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me. You know what happens when someone upsets me.

Ratigan: (reading a list of newly devised laws) Item 96: A heavy tax shall be levied against all parasites and spongers, such as the elderly, the infirm, and especially little children.

Dr Dawson: How the deuce did you know I was a doctor? Basil: A surgeon to be exact. Just returned from military duty in Afghanistan. Am I right? Dr Dawson: Why, ha, ha, yes. Major David Q. Dawson. But how could you possibly... ? Basil: Quite simple, really. You've sewn your torn cuff together with a Lambert stich, which, of course, only a surgeon uses. And the thread is a unique form of cat-gut, easily distinguished by its peculiar pungency, found only in the Afghan provinces. Dr Dawson: Amazing! Basil: Actually, it's elementary, my dear Dawson.

Ratigan: You don't know what a delightful dilemma it was, trying to decide on the most appropiate method for your demise. Oh, I had so many ingenious ideas I didn't know which to choose. So I decided to use them all. Marvellous, isn't it? But, here, let me show you how it works. Picture this, first, a sprightly tune I've recorded especially for you. As the song plays, the cord tightens, and when the song ends, the metal ball is released, rolling along its merry way until... Ratigan: (points at mousetrap) Slap! Ratigan: (points at gun) Boom! Ratigan: (points at crossbow) Twang! Ratigan: (points at axe) Dunk! Ratigan: (points at anvil) SPLAT! Ratigan: And so ends the short, undistinguished career of Basil of Baker Street.

(Ratigan has ridiculed Basil) Dr Dawson: You fiend! Ratigan: Sorry, chubby. You should have chosen your friends more carefully.

Fidget: I'm going! I'm going! I'm going!

(henchmen cheer as Ratigan reviews his illustrious career) Ratigan: Thank you, thank you. But it hasn't all been champagne and caviar. I've had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable, second-rate detective, Basil of Baker Street! Henchmen: Boo! Ratigan: For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans, and I haven't had a moment's peace of mind. Henchmen: Aaw... Bartholomew: (cries) Ratigan: But all that's in the past! This time, nothing, not even Basil, can stand in my way! All will bow before me!

Basil: (enraged) Ratigan, so help me, I'll see you behind bars yet! Ratigan: (face gets close to Basil's) You fool! Ratigan: (grabs Basil by the collar and lifts him off of the ground) Ratigan: Isn't it clear to you the superior mind has triumphed? I've won! Ratigan: (laughs evilly)

(Fidget gets tired of pedaling Ratigan's airship) Fidget: (gesturing at Olivia) We have to lighten the load. Ratigan: Oh, you want to lighten the load? Excellent idea. (grabs Fidget and throws him overboard) Fidget: No! Not me! Wait, I can't fly! I can't fly!

Basil: (pointing to a pinhole in a glass on the toy shop window) Aha! Here is our friend's entrance. Dr Dawson: Bu-But, Basil, how could he fit in through such a tiny... ? Basil: Observe, Doctor. (plugs Dawson's finger on the hole; as he pulls it away, the glass slides open) Dr Dawson: Basil, you astound me!

Sherlock Holmes: I observe that there is a good deal of German music on the program. It is quite introspective, and I want to introspect. Dr Watson: But, Holmes, that music is so frightfully dull.

Ratigan: My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most sinister scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy! (henchmen cheer) Even now, our beloved Queen is getting ready to celebrate her Diamond Jubilee. And with the help of out dear friend, Mr Flaversham... (henchmen chuckle) ... it promises to be a night she'll never forget. (burns picture of Queen with cigarette) Her last night, and my first as supreme ruler of all mousedom!

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