The Fisher King
1991
Jack Lucas: Where would King Arthur be without Guinevere? Parry: Happily married, probably. Jack Lucas: Well, that's a bad... that's a bad example.
Parry: (singing) Holding my penis... what a wonderful way of saying how much you like me.
Jack Lucas: Did you lose your mind all at once, or was it a slow, gradual process?
Jack Lucas: It's important to think. It's what separates us from lentils.
Parry: I have a hard-on for you the size of Florida!
Anne Napolitano: I don't believe that God made man in his image. 'Cause most of the shit that happens comes from man. Now I think man was made in the Devil's image. And women were created out of God. 'Cause after all, women can have babies, which is kind of like creating. And which also counts for the fact that women are so attracted to men... 'cause let's face it... the Devil is a hell of a lot more interesting! So the whole point in life is for men and women to get married... so that God and the Devil can get together and work it out.
Anne Napolitano: Didn't you say that what you liked about our relationship is that we didn't have to think? We could just be there for each other. Jack Lucas: Suicidal paranoiacs'll say anything to get laid.
Jack Lucas: I'm hearing horses! Parry will be so pleased!
Parry: Come back, we'll rummage.
Parry: No... but I *do* believe in fairies.
Homeless Cabaret Singer: I'm Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Jack - I can't find my baby.
Disabled Veteran: Didja hear that Jimmy Nickles got picked up yesterday? Jack Lucas: Oh, yeah? Disabled Veteran: Yeah. He got caught pissin' on a bookstore. Man is a *pig*. No excuse for that. (lady drops coins in his cup) Thank you, baby. It's social anarchy when people start pissing on bookstores. (man throws coins on the ground near his feet, which Disabled Veteran cannot reach) Jack Lucas: Asshole. He didn't even look at you. Disabled Veteran: He's payin' so he don't have to look. See... guy goes to work every day, eight hours a day, seven days a week. Gets his nuts so tight in a vice that he starts questioning the very fabric of his existence. Then one day, 'bout quitting time, Boss calls him into the office and says, "Hey Bob, whyncha come on in here and kiss my ass for me, will you?" Well, he says, "Hell with it. I don't care what happens, I just want to see the expression on his face as I jab this pair of scissors into his arm." (sighs) Then he thinks of me. He says, "Waitaminit. I got both my arms, I got both my legs. At least I ain't begging for a living. Sure enough, Bob's gonna put those scissors down and pucker right up. See, I'm what you call kind of a "moral traffic light", really. I'm like sayin', "Red! Go no further! Boooo-ee boooo-ee boooo-ee... "
Parry: C'mon, Jack, what do you think the Crusades were? A Pope's publicity stunt?
Anne Napolitano: (Jack is drunk on Jack Daniel's) Breakfast of champions, huh, Jack?
Crazed Video Customer: (Jack has tossed an annoying customer a videotape) "Ordinary Peepholes." Jack Lucas: S'a big titty, spread cheeky kinda thing.
Anne Napolitano: Jack, love of my life, you hate people.
Anne Napolitano: Have another one, Jack. It's on the house... just like everything else.
Parry: I'm surprised some man just doesn't come in here and snatch you up all for themselves. Anne Napolitano: *You're* surprised?
Parry: You have a great set of... dishes. Anne Napolitano: Jack, he's trying to make small talk... Jack Lucas: Then talk to him, he won't bite you.
Lydia: I haven't been through the... period. Anne Napolitano: It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed a thing.
Lydia: How much? Jack Lucas: Well, you're a store member, so we could probably - Anne Napolitano: (firmly) Forty bucks.
Parry: Jack, I may be going out on a limb here, but you don't seem like a happy camper.
Anne Napolitano: Well, you know something - you can be a real bitch sometimes. Lydia: (Lydia begins to smile and starts laughing) Really... ? Anne Napolitano: (smiling) Yeah! Lydia: (laughing) Wow! Anne Napolitano: I know, I know - it feels great!
Jack Lucas: I'm talking to the little people! Parry: Are they here? Jack Lucas: They're saying, "Jack, go to the liquor store and findeth the Jack of Daniels so that ye may be shitfaced!"