The Devil's Rejects

2005

Captain J.T. Spaulding: If you're gonna start the killing, you best start it right here.

Baby: Chinese, Japanese, Dirty knees, look at these! (shows her breasts)

Candy: What you lookin' at? Otis B. Driftwood: I'm lookin' at you, mama. Candy: Yeah, you see something you like? Otis B. Driftwood: Maybe. I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never disappointed.

Adam Banjo: Please, mister. This is insane. Otis B. Driftwood: Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin' Mark Twain shit. 'Cause it's definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone.

Baby: I bet all the girls wanna fuck you. Roy Sullivan: Would you say that again? Baby: I bet all the girls wanna fuck you. (mutual laughter) Roy Sullivan: Do you kiss your mama with that mouth? Baby: Trust me, fella. That ain't the only thing I do with this mouth.

Captain J.T. Spaulding: I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle. (mutual laughter) Susan: What's that about clown business? (laughs nervously) Captain J.T. Spaulding: (pause) Do I stutter, bitch?

Otis B. Driftwood: There is no fuckin' ice cream in your fuckin' future.

Baby: Just in case anyone's interested, I think I'm gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles. Otis: (in a mocking tone) "I think I'm gonna be wanting some ice cream in about 10 miles." Baby: Don't you fucking imitate me, it's fucking rude! (mocking) Baby: "I know what I know and I know I don't like that nut sack... " Otis: Fuck you. Baby: Fuck you! Captain J.T. Spaulding: Two fucking seconds for the kid, is that gonna kill you? Otis: Yes, it is going to kill me! I have calculated the time, and two seconds is a hazard to my fucking health. Baby: What the fuck is your problem? I'm in and out in two seconds! Captain J.T. Spaulding: You know? I think I'm gonna get me some tutti fucking fruity. Baby: Tutti fucking fruity, that sounds good!

Sheriff John Wydell: I'm going to kill you and drink your fucking blood!

Captain J.T. Spaulding: (to his wife) I ain't goin' no where with you bitch!

Otis B. Driftwood: (to Wendy, mocking her that he killed her husband and Roy) We regret to inform you that the show "Banjo and Sullivan" will be cancelled tonight.

Sheriff John Wydell: Here's the list of names I need you to run down for me. (hands Rondo the list) Rondo: (laughs) That's a funny-ass name. Sheriff John Wydell: Yeah, look who's fucking talking, *Rondo*. Just tell me if anything connects. Billy Ray Snapper: I'm sure it will. Shit always floats our way, don't it? Chief. Sheriff John Wydell: You keep your mouth open wide enough maybe you'd catch it all. Don't fuck this up assholes. Rondo: Have fun scraping all them brains up off the road.

Roy Sullivan: Rodeo- (laughs) Your smoking dope. Jimmy: Yeah- I mean no- not right now.

Officer Ray Dobson: You recognize the clown? Sheriff John Wydell: Spaulding. Captain fucking Spaulding.

Sheriff John Wydell: I'm walking the line. George Wydell: (sarcastically) Well, mother pin a rose on me, that is so great! (acts serious) I want these motherfuckers dead!

Captain J.T. Spaulding: What's the matter, kid? Don't ya like clowns? Jamie: (shakes head crying) Captain J.T. Spaulding: Why? Don't we make ya laugh? Aren't we fuckin' funny? You best come up with an answer, cos I'm gonna come back here and check on you and your momma and if you ain't got a reason why you hate clowns, I'm gonna kill your whole fucking family. Jamie: (continues crying) Captain J.T. Spaulding: All right, now get your fuckin' ass out the car, go on yayayayayaya (starts laughing)

Baby: I love famous people! They're even better than the real thing, ya know?

Otis: Consider me fuckin' Willy fuckin' Wonka! This is my fucking chocolate factory! You got it? My factory!

Captain J.T. Spaulding: ... And you remember happy boy. Charlie Altamont: Hey You still an asshole? Otis B. Driftwood: (gives Charlie the finger)

Sheriff John Wydell: Fuck Groucho!

Captain J.T. Spaulding: You ain't going nowhere, Bitch!

Fanny: What? Are you calling me a whore? Captain Spaulding: I calls 'em like I sees 'em!

Otis B. Driftwood: I was going to take it easy on you and make it fast, but then you had to go and play the fucking hero!

Otis B. Driftwood: Hurry up and don't take too fucking long. Baby: Fuck you! Otis B. Driftwood: Fuck you! Baby: Fuck you!

(from trailer) Otis B. Driftwood: I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.

(from trailer) Charlie Altamont: You've got to hustle that pussy, baby. Find a new angle and you might attract a higher clientele.

(from trailer) Clevon: Did you hear what he called me, Boss? I ain't no chicken fucker.

(from trailer) Roy Sullivan: You spend one second in that pen, and that bull will have his horn up your ass and sticking out your pecker.

(from trailer) (looking at the Firefly house's backyard) Sheriff Ken Dwyer: Jesus Christ, what a fucking mess. There must be 100 yards of bloody asphalt and corpse chunks.

(from trailer) (to Mother Firefly) Sheriff John Wydell: I'm going to kill every member of your family. They're going to feel the pain and suffering of every last victim!

Sheriff John Wydell: Only choice you got is to cooperate and tell me where they are. Mother Firefly: (shouts) You just found yourself into something you ain't never gettin' out of!

Otis B. Driftwood: Gimme some sugar, bitch. Make it sweet.

Mother Firefly: I keep thinking about old times. Like when you was a fucking baby.

Darrell: Now ya'll ain't planning on fuckin' these chickens are ya? Charlie Altamont: What the fuck are you getting at? Do you fuck chickens? Darrell: Well, I thought about fuckin' some chickens before? If you want a good time and you need some pussy? You just cut that chicken's head off, stick your dick in the ass of that chicken, and that damn chicken'll go crazy on your ass and go "Waaaaah". Charlie Altamont: ... You're saying I would cut off a chicken's head? Stick my dick in it? Fuck it... .And go "Aah"? You accuse me of fucking a chicken, motherfucker? Darrell: I'm not callin' you a chicken fucker but that boy over there looks sexually frustrated, and I don't approve of chicken fucking.

Baby: Shoot me! Shoot me right in the ass!

Baby: (in the motel room) So what do you wanna do? (Gloria shakes head) Wendy Banjo: Help! (screams from a window in the bathroom) Baby: I knew that fucking cunt would do something stupid! Shut up! Open the fucking door! Open the goddamn door! Gloria Sullivan: (pulls a gun on Baby) Hold it! Wendy Banjo: (continues screaming after breaking the window) Somebody help me! Baby: (back to motel room) What are you gonna do? Shoot me? What did I ever really do to you? (holding a knife behind her back) Gloria Sullivan: I swear I'll do it! I'll kill you! Baby: Why would you wanna kill me? I'm your only hope. My brother's fucking crazy, you've seen him. Gloria Sullivan: (Yells to Wendy from the room) Wendy it's all right! Come on out! (Baby plunges the knife into Gloria's chest) Gloria Sullivan: (Gloria drops to her knees and pulls the knife out from her chest) Baby: (pulls down jeans and shows her rear) Go ahead, shoot me. Shoot me right on the ass! (Gloria pulls the trigger, but the gun is empty) Baby: Stupid cunt. There ain't no bullets in this thing. It's all fucking mind power.

Sheriff John Wydell: From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. Hallelujah! Are you feeling it brother?

Marty Walker: That goddamn fucking Elvis Presley Sheriff John Wydell: What did you say about the King? Marty Walker: I said he died three days before Grouch... (Wydell grabs Walker) Sheriff John Wydell: Son, if you ever say another derogatory word about Elvis Aaron Presley in my presence again, I will kick the living shit out of you

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