The Boondocks

2005

Priest: Well, you should definitely see The Passion. It's a very important movie. Huey: Couldn't see it. White Jesus. Priest: Excuse me? Huey: Come on, man. It's supposed to be all historically accurate, but they still have a white man playing Jesus? That's some old bullshit.

Young Grandad: We all been watching the same news. The police been doing this fire hoses thing all week. I just assumed we'd all wear our raincoats. Black Protestor: (drenched in water) Dammit, Robert, who the hell shows up to a march in a raincoat? Young Grandad: Bet you wish you had your raincoat right now.

Granddad: Nigga, if you ruin this party for me, I'll put my - Huey: Ruin the party? They love me. These people aren't worried about us. They're not worried about anything. They're rich. No matter what happens, these people just keep applauding. Uncle Ruckus: (drunk) Attention please. Attention please. My name is Uncle Ruckus, no relation. I want to sing ya'll a brand new song I just wrote called Don't Trust Them New Niggers Over There. Sing along if you know the words. Don't trust them new niggers over there / Leaving they nigger essence in the air / Them happy, nappy head niggers / With they finger on the trigger / Don't trust them new niggers over there / Don't trust them big nostrils over yonder / They suck up so much air it'll make you wonder / Don't them new niggers / With they spidey little nigger figures / Don't trust them new niggers over there. (falls off stage) Rich Woman: I think the n-word is okay as long as they say it. (crowd applauds) Huey: See?

Civil Rights Protester: This nigga brought a muthafuckin raincoat!

Huey: (at a party full of white people) Excuse me. Jesus was black, Ronald Regan was the devil, and the government lied about 9/11. Thank you for your time and good night.

Huey: You can't turn me into someone I'm not! Granddad: The hell I can't!

Huey: Are you a fan of R. Kelly? You wanna help R. Kelly? Get some counseling for R. Kelly! Introduce him to some older women! Hide his camcorder! But don't pretend that the man is a hero! ... And stop the damn dancing! Act like you got some goddamn sense, people! I'm through playing around here!

Riley: If I were to piss on you right now would you A, smile and ask for more; or B, get the hell out of the way?

Huey: Don't take this the wrong way, but... I need you to get the hell up outta here. Cristal: Oh. Any particular reason why? Huey: 'Cause you a lazy ho. Cristal: I can see that.

Riley: (to Tom) I see piss coming, I move. She saw piss coming, she stayed. And I am *not* gonna miss out on the next R. Kelly CD just for that! Huey: You just got told by an eight-year-old. Riley: And if R. Kelly goes to jail, I'mma piss on your cat!

Uncle Ruckus: Hang that nigger now! I even got my own rope right here.

Riley: What if they have kids? Then our brother and our sister are gonna be half-ho!

A Pimp Named Slickback: (reciting prayer) Lord, please pray for the soul of this bitch. And guide my pimp hand and make it strong, Lord. So that she might learn a ho's place. Amen.

Granddad: You ain't gon' hit no woman in my house. A Pimp Named Slickback: What woman, sir? This here's a ho.

Uncle Ruckus: All the greatest fighters in the world were white. Jack Dempsey, Rocky Marciano, Sly-vester Stallone, and don't forget Ralph Macchio!

Tom Dubois: Huey, the only way for me to get out of here is if you find to the real killer *tonight* Huey: The real killer!? Nigga, I'm 10!

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