The Beverly Hillbillies

1962

Milburn Drysdale: When I give my word, I expect you to keep it.

Jane Hathaway: When the other little kids played hide and seek, Little Milby started his first business. Milburn Drysdale: Every kid had a lemonade stand. Jane Hathaway: He opened a pawn shop!

Jed Clampett: Boy, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to clean up all this mess. Jethro: Aw come on, Uncle Jed. I'm gonna clean up. I'm gonna set this world on fire! Jed Clampett: You're gonna clean up alright. Everything. Or you're gonna end up with the seat of your britches on fire.

Granny: Elly May done popped the buttons off her shirt again. Jed Clampett: Elly May carries herself proud with her shoulders throwed back. Granny: It ain't her shoulders that have been poppin' these buttons.

Jed Clampett: Well doggies!

Granny: Vittles!

Jane Hathaway: Now, Chief, in all fairness to the employees, you do not display much holiday spirit. Milburn Drysdale: What do they want from me? I gave them half a day off on Christmas!

Jane Hathaway: If you would only display a little generosity: a Christmas bonus, a few gifts! Milburn Drysdale: I refuse to commercialize Christmas just to cowtow to my pampered employees.

Milburn Drysdale: Miss Hathaway, are you responsible for the employees of this bank referring to me as Ebeneezer Scrooge? Jane Hathaway: No, why do you ask? Milburn Drysdale: When I came through the lobby just now they all chanted in unison 'Here come da Scrooge! Here come da Scrooge!

Jane Hathaway: Most places do something for their employees at this time of year. Milburn Drysdale: Well, I've given them Christmas Day off. Jane Hathaway: Chief, most banks even give a holiday bonus. Milburn Drysdale: I've already thought of that. Jane Hathaway: You have? Milburn Drysdale: Just this morning I said to myself, 'Milburn, you've got to give those loyal employees of yours a Christmas bonus.' Jane Hathaway: But, Chief, that's extraordinary! Milburn Drysdale: I thought so, too. Fortunately, a cold shower brought me to my senses.

Jethro: (Jed and Jehtro are discussing a "fast" girl back in the hills) Uncle Jed, she handed me a big old sugar cookie, looked at me and said, "Jehtro, if you had a choice between that cookie and me, which one would you take". Uncle Jed, that's when I found out just how fast she was! (Jed leans in close to hear the rest of the story) I had to run nearly a mile to get away from her with that cookie! Jed Clampett: (Disgusted) Jethro, some day me and you got to have a long talk.

Jed Clampett: (Jethro has decided that he'd like to become a Bullfighter, and has asked Jed if they can get a bull, so he can practice. Jed presents the idea to Granny) Granny, I got a idea. Let's get us a bull. Granny: What? Jed Clampett: Now, hear me out. We been wantin' to have a good ol' fashioned barbecue. Granny: But, Jethro'll go to fightin' it! Jed Clampett: Not for long. 'Pears to me they ain't nothin' a man can get his fill of, faster, than scrappin' with a bull. Granny: Ain'tcha afraid he'll git hurt? Jed Clampett: Nahh. A good stout bull can take care o' hisself. Granny: Well, if there's one thing Jethro'd like better than fightin' it, it'd be eatin' it! Jed Clampett: This way, he can do both!

(to Jethro) Granny: And how do we do that, Mr Sixth-Grade Graduate?

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