The Assistant
2004
Andy Dick: It's elimination time, bitches!
Andy Dick: (imitating Donald Trump) I've tried to run a tight ship here. Can't have any leaks. Can't have any screws loose, any leaks. So with that in mind, and with that said, Mark, you're fired. Andy Dick: (interview) Go ahead, little piggy, and laugh. Wee, wee, wee, wee,wee all the way home. Andy Dick: (to Anna) In my house, there's only room for one a**hole. Anna: And that's you. Andy Dick: And that hole would be me.
Andy Dick: If you can't stomach a little head-cheese on a wooden stick, how are you going to stomach Hollyweird?
Andy Dick: (after eliminating Tanika) Tanika has gumption. She really will go far. She's got good head start here, given that my driveway is over a mile and a half long. So, might wanna take a juice box.
Melissa: (to Andy's girlfriend, after she dumps him) Please, please he loves you, or, I mean, he likes you so much!
Andy Dick: Ebony and Melissa, please step forward. The final two contestants for who can be The Next Andy's Top American Modelly Assistant.
Andy Dick: (deciding between Melissa or Mark) I'm looking at two ass clowns right in front of me: Tweedledee or Tweedle-dipshit.
Andy Dick: Clean up on aisle vomit!