Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
1987/II
Michaelangelo: This will be a piece of cake. Or even better: a slice of pizza!
Army General: Who in blazes are you? Raphael: Don't you watch TV?
Leonardo: We turtles do not know the meaning of the word defeat. Michaelangelo: That's right. We don't bother to look it up in a dictionary.
Donatello: Now remember, from now on your name is Donna Tello. Irma: Donna Tello... I kinda like that name.
Michaelangelo: Pizza time! Raphael: Who had the pepperoni and ice cream? Donatello: I, I want some of the jelly beans and mushrooms. Michaelangelo: Yeah, give me a slice of anchovies and peanut butter. April O'Neil: How can you eat that junk?
Raphael: Okay, April, where you hiding? Leonardo: Hey, it's April's wallet. Raphael: And over there. Donatello: April's press pass. Raphael: Yeah, I'd know that wad of used chewing gum anywhere. Michaelangelo: Uh, you get the feeling April's in trouble? Donatello: Well, either that, or she's got a big hole in her purse. (they discover it on a landing) April's purse. Come on.
M.A.C.C: Where is your nearest Data Bank Repository? Leonardo: Data Bank Repository? Donatello: He means the public library. All: That way. (They all point in different directions) Donatello: Great ninjas, yes. Great readers, no.
Michaelangelo: Ultimo bummer, dudes, I had my belly set on that heart board. Donatello: Did that make sense to you? Raphael: Not supposed to, Michelangelo said it.
Splinter: The path that leads to what we truly desire is long and difficult, but only by following that path do we achieve our goal. Michaelangelo: What? Follow a path? I guess he wants me to take a hike.
Bebop: I wonder why the delivery guy stopped here. Rocksteady: Maybe he's visiting his mommy. Bebop: I wish I could visit my mommy. Rocksteady: Why don't you? Bebop: I try but every time she sees me, she runs away screaming.
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: And I couldn't have captured these crooks without the help of Teenage Mutant Ninja Leprechauns. Michaelangelo: Begora! That's us, me boys! (begins dancing Irish jig on coffee table)
Leonardo: Where's the Shredder now? Baxter Stockman: I'll never talk! Raphael: You better or else I'm gonna get sarcastic!
Krang: (Watching M.A.C.C on the telescreen) I want that robot! Shredder: Now, Krang, you can't have everything you see on TV. Rocksteady: Maybe if you're real good, you'll get one for Christmas.
Shredder: Our pizza parlor relies on it's weird image. You look pretty normal to me. Michaelangelo: (in cognito) Whoa radical misperception, dude, I'm weirder than you know.
Michaelangelo: (On TV, April winked at one of the turtles) Right on, babe! Donatello: She was winking at me you know. Michaelangelo: You're totally warped, dude, she was winking at me. Raphael: Get real, it was meant for your's truly. Leonardo: I hate to argue fellas, but I think she meant it for me. April O'Neil: (They all argue) Fellas! If you must know, I was winking at Splinter. Splinter: Age has it's advantages.
(Splinter has driven the Turtle Van into the junk yard and is fighting off the bad guys with it) Raphael: Master! I thought you didn't know how to drive! Splinter: It's remarkable what one can do when one is forced to!
Donatello: I don't think he gave me the right change. I'm a few pennies short. Leonardo: That figures. I've always said you didn't have enough *cents*.
Rocksteady: (to com-link) Rocksteady here. That you boss? Shredder: No, it's the Tooth Fairy. Bebop: Hey, let me talk to that crook! I left my little baby tusk under my pillow and didn't get nothing!
Krang: If I had hands I would cover my ears, if I had them!
Krang: And just how do you expect to pay for all this? Shredder: I borrowed your Alien Express card. I never leave the Technodrome without it.
Shredder: The Turtles! What does it take to stop you? Raphael: Whatever it is, you ain't got it! Shredder: We'll discuss it some other time!
Prof. Willard W. Willard: (to giant monkey) Bad, bad monkey! Donatello: You're not planning to spank him are you?
Raphael: Shredder must really be getting desperate if he's throwing geeks like you at us!
Raphael: Donatello, what are these? Donatello: These are phonograph records. They're what people used to listen to before they had CDs. Michaelangelo: Whoa! Someone really burned these pizzas!
Donatello: I'd say it's time we checked out of this library. Raphael: In fact, we're overdue.
Raphael: After all we just went through, how can you even look at a pizza? Michaelangelo: I don't want to look at it. I just want to eat it.
Bebop: I'm glad they didn't use that brain switcher thing on Rocksteady and me. Shredder: Don't worry, you can't switch something that isn't there.
Shredder: You wretched reptiles! You'll pay for this! Bebop: And bring cash. We don't take plastic!
Michaelangelo: I guess I'll drown my sorrows at Vinnie's with a pizza. And the weird thing is, I crave pizza no more.
Michaelangelo: Why that dirty rat! Oh, sorry Master Splinter.
(Michaelangelo is a pizza delivery boy in disguise) Vernon: I suppose you want a tip. Michaelangelo: (sarcastically) No. Vernon: Well here's one anyway: get another job!
Shredder: The fool! He cannot recognize true genius. Rocksteady: We know just how you feel, boss.
Michaelangelo: Guys! There's been another tear! Donatello: Oh, no! Not another tear in the dimensional fabric! Michaelangelo: No, a tear in my boxer shorts. I told you we needed a new washing machine.
April O'Neil: (Recovering) I have the feeling we were out. Irma: Where did we go? And did we meet any cute guys?
Rocksteady: You want some jellybeans, boss? Shredder: (switched minds with Splinter) Oh, no thank you. Bebop: Huh? He's suddenly nice to ya. Shredder: Uh, I mean shut up, you scrupulous ignoramus! Bebop: That's more like it.
Exterminator: Get rid of all rats? Are you crazy? You wanna drive me out of business?
Michaelangelo: Oh no! I've been delivering pizzas for Shredder? Well there goes my chances of getting a raise.
Shredder: Tonight I dine on turtle soup.
(Raphael and Michaelangelo are tied up back-to-back in chairs with a bomb next to them) Raphael: We're Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! We oughta be able to escape from a cornball setup like this! (Raphael notices Michaelangelo rocking side to side) Raphael: What are you doing? Michaelangelo: Well, I once saw this movie where this dude was tied up and he just kept rocking back and forth 'til he fell over. Raphael: It's worth a try. (Raphael rocks side to side with Michaelangelo and they soon fall over) Raphael: Great! Then what did he do? Michaelangelo: I dunno. I went into the kitchen for some popcorn.
Aunt Aggie: Don't worry. We'll throw a monkey wrench into their plans. Raphael: If she pulls one of those out of her purse, I'm outta here!
Rocksteady: Oooh, shiver me timbers! Bebop: And while you're at it, shiver mine also!
Shredder: Now (shouts) Forward March! YOUR LEFT/YOUR LEFT/Ya' left your wife and fourty-eight kids!
Shredder: Here it is, although I don't think you can expect much for $19.95!
Rocksteady: Ooooh yuck! It looks like what the water looks like after my bath! Shredder: Hey. When was the las time THAT happened? Rocksteady: Ooh what year is this? (goo splat) I think it's the year my bath is due!
April O'Neil: How much is that hamster in the window? Raphael: How come I get the feeling that song won't make the top 40?
Donatello: And then... it hit me! (bonk)
Krang: Now go to the red drawer in the blue desk and bring me the yellow computer disk. Bebop: uhh let's see... we're supposed to get the red disk out of the yellow drawer in the blue desk. Rocksteady: or was it the blue disk from the re... red desk? Bebop: or 'da blue disk from the blue desk?
Donatello: See that humongous dish? Irma: Why thank you Donnatello. Donatello: Not you, Irma. I mean that satellite dish. Irma: Hmmph! It's just like a man to choose TV over me!
Raphael: Great! More falling on our heads!
Donatello: Boy, this guy's more into pizza than we are. Raphael: Yeah. What's he gonna do next? (sarcastically) spray us with tomato sauce? Raphael: (sprayed with tomato sauce) I had to ask.
April O'Neil: For some people, it's an improvement! (giggles)
Shredder: (shouts) Fire At Will! Bebop: Which one's Will? Let's see, theres Leonardo, Donatello...
Samarai Mech: Hakatchu! Raphael: Geshundheit!
Rupert The Turtle: When that thing gets close to capacity... Kabloo-hoo-hoo-hooey! All: Kabloo-hoo-hoo-hooey?
(Raphael knocks down Bebop and Rocksteady during a fight.) Raphael: Ha! You idiots couldn't hit me with... (we see Bebop and Rocksteady picking up) Raphael: ... a big rubber tyre! (Bebop and Rocksteady throw the tyre at Raphael and knock him down) Raphael: Ever get that rundown feeling?
Shredder: Come along, you two. Rocksteady: Oh, all we ever do is go up and down, up and down! Krang: Sounds like the perfect job for a couple of yo-yos. I made a funny.
(Michaelangelo learns he's overweight) Michaelangelo: Me a lardo? No way, dude. Leonardo: Read it and weep, Michaelangelo. Raphael: How can he? His stomach's in the way.
(Shredder shows up when the Turtles rescue April) All: Shredder! April O'Neil: But, you're not the one who captured me! Baxter Stockman: No, it was I - Baxter... the Fly! Leonardo: It's Baxter! Donatello: The Fly! Raphael: These old subway tunnels always have such a great echo.
Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: Come quietly, my green lads. (stares at the turtles shocked) Michaelangelo: What's the matter, dude? Haven't you seen four foot tall turtles before? Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: Faith and Begorah! The wee ones! The little people! Raphael: Hey, hey, Sean, I know we're short. But not *that* short. Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: You've got the wrong people here, Lieutenant. They don't have the emerald. They've got pots of gold. Lt Bronski: What are you talking about, O'Tharity? Sgt. Sean O'Tharity: They're leprechauns! Lt Bronski: You're nuts!
Burne Thompson: (standing on a stack of chairs, reaching for a television set) (to Shredder) Hey mister help me change this channel! I wanna watch cartoons. Shredder: No! I am the master, you are the slave, and I say no cartoons! Burne Thompson: I wanna watch cartoons! I wanna watch cartoons! (The chairs fall down and Burne topples on Shredder.) Now look watcha did! You gave me a boo-boo! Aaaaaahhh!
Raphael: (wearing a trench coat and a fedora pulled low) Hey, who's lookin' at you, kid?
April O'Neil: (sees the turtles for the first time) You're... you're not humans! Raphael: Bingo. You got that right.
April O'Neil: Do you guys ever think of anything besides pizza? Raphael: Not unless we have to.
Raphael: (referring to one of Rocksteady and Bebop) Didn't I see you in "The Jungle Book"?
Shredder: You have a brilliant brain, Krang! Krang: Of course. It's all I really am.
Raphael: (all the Turtles are tied up) (to Donatello) C'mon, figure a way out of this. Donatello: Are you kidding? Only the most skilled Ninja Master could get out these knots! (Leonardo frees himself, then starts to cut Donatello loose) Oh, hi, Leonardo.