Teaching Mrs Tingle
1999
Mrs Tingle: The smartest girl in school caught cheating, it will be scandalous.
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake. Mrs Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms Watson? Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all. Mrs Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Leigh Ann Watson: I'm gonna burn in hell for this. Luke Churner: It'll be a party!
Leigh Ann Watson: Oh, Mrs Tingle, threats are a sign of weakness.
Mrs Tingle: You present yourself with such self-assured tenacity, but your fear shows around the edges. You can do better. Jo Lynn Jordan: We're trying, Mrs Tingle. Work with us.
Mrs Tingle: Mr Churner? Dare I even ask? (Luke rises from his desk, walks up to the front of the classroom and places a rock on Mrs Tingle's desk) Luke Churner: Plymouth Rock. Mrs Tingle: Your work, Mr Churner, reminds me of a student that sat in that same seat some 20 years ago. He, too, had "No future" printed on him... Do give your father my best.
Leigh Ann Watson: What's the matter Mrs Tingle? Getting scared yourself? Mrs Tingle: Oh no! Ms Watson, things are just starting to get fun.
Mrs Tingle: Haven't you learned by now that history always repeats itself?
Principal Potter: I was thinking... Mrs Tingle: No, don't do that Mr Potter, we still prefer that bristling wind effect you have on us.
Mrs Tingle: Oh, by the way... happy birthday. Principal Potter: It's not my birthday Mrs Tingle. Mrs Tingle: No, not your natal birthday, the AA one. You've been sober, how long is it now? Principal Potter: Four years Mrs Tingle: There! I knew it was this week. Me and dates, you know, that's the curse of being a history teacher. Well congratulations, that's quite an accomplishment. Just think, not one sip of alcohol in over four years, that's almost... unbelievable
Coach Winchell: But it's me... Spanky.
(after accidentally firing a crossbow and nearly killing the teachers pet) Mrs Tingle: Don't tease us, Mr Berry. When you shoot, make it count. Brian Berry: It wasn't... I-I mean-I didn't think that... Mrs Tingle: No, because that would require a cerebrum, and a few other missing parts.
Miss Banks: That was Mrs Tingle. She's sick with the flu. She sounded really bad. Principal Potter: She hasn't been sick since-In fact, I don't think she's ever been sick. Miss Banks: Do you think it's serious? Principal Potter: God I hope so. (Both chuckle)
Luke Churner: This feels very strange.
Mrs Tingle: I want you to fail.
Mrs Tingle: Well done, Miss Watson.
Principal Potter: (having caught Mrs Tingle in the acts of attempted murder and abuse of authority) Mrs Tingle, I have spent twenty years just ANGLING for an excuse to tell you this: YOU'RE FIRED.