Support Your Local Sheriff!

1969

Jason McCullough: Why do these jaspers always show up at meal time? Prudy: You gonna kill another man? Jason McCullough: Well, I'm sure we all hope it turns out that way.

Joe Danby: (about his father) He's got a heart as big as the whole outdoors, but he don't have one brain in his poor old head.

Jake: You want me to tell Joe Danby that he's under arrest for murder? What're you gonna do after he kills me? Jason McCullough: Then I'll arrest him for both murders.

Pa Danby: If that gun had gone off, it would of blowed up in my face. Jason McCullough: Well, it wouldn't have done my finger a lot of good either, would it? What can I do for you, Mr Danby?

Mayor Ollie Perkins: I guess you know what you're doing, Sheriff. Jason McCullough: I don't know what I could have said to give you that idea, Mayor.

Joe Danby: You expect me to stay in this cell? (looks at red paint dripping) Joe Danby: What's that? Jason McCullough: Oh that? (Smearing it with his foot) Jason McCullough: That was the guy who tried to escape this morning.

Jason McCullough: Well, it seems Joe murdered a man today. Pa Danby: The way I hear'd it, it was a fair fight. Jason McCullough: I was standing right there. Pa Danby: You was standin' right where? Jason McCullough: In the saloon when Joe shot him. Pa Danby: Well, that was real smart of him, weren't it? Jason McCullough: Mr Danby, I've been around Joe all day, and I haven't seen him do one smart thing yet.

Tom Danby: Pa, you been touchin' up your hair again? Pa Danby: Whadda ya mean, AGAIN? Tom Danby: Nothin'. It just looks better in spots, that's all. Pa Danby: Whadda ya mean, SPOTS?

Henry Jackson: We are gathered here today to consign the mortal remains of Millard Frymore... or whatever his name was. I ain't really got a whole lot to say about Millard because he only rode amongst us two days ago, and was promptly struck down by whatever deadly disease it was it was that struck him down. We can only hope that whatever deadly disease it was, it wasn't particularly contagious. And with that in mind, I suggest we all bow our heads in prayer.

Henry Jackson: I'd like to remind everyone that we're here to consign the remains of Millard Frymore. Fred Johnson: It's gold, Henry. Henry Jackson: Gold? Fred Johnson: Down there in the grave. Henry Jackson: Well, let's get this coffin out of the way and we'll have a look.

Jason McCullough: (Fingering dented badge) That must have saved the life of whoever was wearin' it. Mayor Olly Perkins: Well, it sure would have, if it hadn't been for all them other bullets flyin' in from everywhere.

Mayor: Our last sheriff was a good organizer. Yellow clear through, but a good organizer.

Jason: It's bad enough to have to kill a man without having to listen to a lot of stupid talk from him first.

Jake: Well, I did odd jobs... for one thing, I was a Orr holder at Madame Horse's, uh, horse holder at Madame Orr's House.

Pa Danby: There's always some tramp that's good with a gun that can be hired. Tom Danby: Yeah, but you always said the Danbys fight their own battles. Pa Danby: Well, maybe I was talkin' 'bout another branch of the family.

Jason McCullough: I'm beginning to get the horrible idea that you know even less about gold mining than I do, Jake Jake: Of course I don't know anything about gold mining! Jason McCullough: Well, why did you think I brought you along for? I thought everyone around here knew about mining. Jake: Well I don't! I might be able to give you a few tips about shoveling horse... working around the stable, but I don't know nothing about hunting gold.

Jason McCullough: You beat that poor man to the draw. He's dead and you're alive. That's the idea of this game, isn't it?

Jason McCullough: It seems like you spent a lot of time with horses. Jake: One end or the other. Of course, I come about it natural. My daddy stole horses for a living. They hung him.

Henry Jackson: Now just because we've lost three sheriffs don't mean we're going to lose four. Fred Johnson: Our luck is bound to change. Mayor Olly Perkins: What about his luck?

Pa Danby: Now I'm going to take a little trip tomorrow and I want you to behave yourselves while I'm gone. I don't want anyone to make no martyr out of this here sheriff. Tom Danby: What's a martyr? Pa Danby: Oh, I'm sorry. They didn't use words like that in third grade, did they? Tom Danby: Well, how would I know? I didn't get that far!

Mayor Olly Perkins: You interested in the job of sheriff? Jason McCullough: Oh, maybe. How much does it pay? Townsman: Well, none of our sheriffs ever lived long enough to find out.

Mayor Olly Perkins: You ain't wanted for anything anywhere are you Mr McCullough. Not that it matters, because we understand how them little things can happen.

Mayor Olly Perkins: That must have been some show you put on at the saloon this afternoon. It kind of sobered up the whole town. Jason McCullough : Well, that's good. Mayor Olly Perkins: Maybe... maybe not. It has been a lot of fun around here up to now. I mean, everything all kind of wide-open and relaxed. Nobody looking down their noses at anybody who happened to shoot someone else. Nobody poking their noses into nobody else's business without them getting their big noses blasted off in the process. Ah, I guess now that we got law and order, chuches will start moving in. Jason McCullough : Yeah, that's usually the next thing that happens. Mayor Olly Perkins: And then the women will start forming committees and having bazaars. And then they'll chase Madame Orr's girls out of town, or make them get married, or something even worse. But, what the hell, like you said, the law's the law, and we got to face up to it sometime. Jason McCullough : When did I say that?

Jason McCullough: Jake, how would you like the job as my deputy? Jake: I'd hate it! Even if I lived through it, I'd hate it!

Jason McCullough: Gentlemen, do we have a jail here? Mayor Olly Perkins: Do we have a jail? A brand new one with two cells that the whole community pitched in and built last month! Fred Johnson: Just like a barn raising. Henry Jackson: Even the dancehall girls showed up. They made sandwhiches and carried on like crazy. Mayor Olly Perkins: It was designed to be practically escape proof. Jason McCullough: Well, good, because I think I'm going to have to throw a couple in it. Mayor Olly Perkins: There's only one thing. This new jail is sure got everything. Fred Johnson: Even a new stove with a coffee pot already on it. Mayor Olly Perkins: The only thing it hasn't got is iron bars for the cells.

Mayor Ollie Perkins: I want you to meet my daughter, Sheriff. She's a good cook, a mighty fine looking girl. Takes after her dear departed mother. Jason McCullough: Mother died, huh? Mayor Ollie Perkins: No, she just departed.

Mayor Ollie Perkins: She's a rich little old gal in her own name, Sheriff. The sole owner of Miller Trymore Memorial Mining Company. Jason McCullough: You meanin' whoever marries her gets the mine. Mayor Ollie Perkins: Shaft and all!

Jason McCullough: Is this the kind of town you people want for yourselves? Is this the kind of life you want to lead? I mean, three shootings in one saloon alone! The sun hasn't even gone down yet. Any more of this foolishness, and I'm going to close this place up tight.

Bartender: Remember what the sheriff said: no more shootin' till the sun goes down. Townsman: Is that what he said? Bartender: That's close enough, brother. Drinks are on the house!

Prudy: What is the matter with you? Don't you remember how long we waited to find the man who would stand up to the Danbys? Don't you remember what this town was like before - murderers, lynchings, miners shooting up the town day and night? Fred Johnson: And aside from the few things that you mentioned, it wasn't a bad place at all!

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