Stuck On You
2003/I
Morty O'Reilly: I'm gonna have to level with you. Siamese twins ain't the easiest sell I've ever had. Bob: We're not Siamese. We're American.
Walt: What's a four-letter word for snatch? Bob: Grab. Walt: Oh... right. Whoopsie.
Cher: (to extremely young lover, while in bed together) Go to bed. You have a geography test in the morning.
Walt: She's got mace.
(from trailer) Bob: We share a liver. April: Are you sure you even need a liver?
Man: You dumb shit.
Man: (with dart stuck in his head) Hey, do I look different to you? Man: You got a dart in your head, you dumb shit.
(Walt and Bob are considering separation) Walt: Think about it. You'll be able to read a book alone, play golf by yourself, (whispering) masturbate in private like the good Lord intended. Bob: What are you talking about? Walt: Oh, please, last night it was like trying to sleep next to a paint-shaker.
Woman: Can I ask you a personal question? Walt: Nine inches.
April: (after surgery to separate the twins) Bob, you look good. Walt: He looks good. What am I chopped liver? April: Actually, yeah.
Rocket: Get the lead out of your pants. Bob: Up yours. Rocket: Oh ho ho, I'm REAL offended.
Walt: Are you kidding? You could win an humanitarian award for how nice you were to us. Cher: Aww... no. Well, really, is there talk of me getting one? Walt: No, no, it's just a figure of speech.
Doctor 1: I'm afraid... we lost them. (girls gasp and begin to cry) (other doctor enters) Doctor 2: It's okay, they'd been taken up to the top floor. We found them.
(on her new TV show) Cher: This makes Touched by an Angel look like Trainspotting.
Drive-by Heckler: Hey, Freaks!
Walt: What's a three-letter word for man's best friend? April: Tit? Walt: No, I've tried that already.
Bob: (to Walt) Don't you walk away from me!
Morty: If you do this your committing career suicide. Walt: That's what they said when Erik Estrada quit "CHiPS". Morty: You're shitting me. He quit?
Walt: All right. Burgers on the house! (everyone shouts "Yeah!") Bob: He's just kiddin', you cheap bastards.
Walt: Hey, Dave. How about another tall one? Dave: Got it. How about you there, Bob? Bob: No, no. No, I'm cool. I'm the designated walker tonight.
Cher: I was a bitch with a capital C.
1st AD: Excuse me, Miss Cher, there's a few fans outside hoping for autographs. Cher: Allright, but I am not taking any pictures. Cute Autograph Girl: Oh shit, it's just Cher.
May: (to Bob and Walt) Look, I was hoping we could have a word in private, I mean just the three of us.
May: (to motel clerk) Hey, you wouldn't happen to know if Bob was alone, would you? Moe: I highly doubt it.
Bob: Hey, I'm alone! Convenience Store Patron: Great buddy, you're gonna stay that way, too!