Steel Magnolias
1989
Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park. Truvy: Yeah, how did that go? Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous. Truvy: Was she hurt? Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.
Truvy: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.
Truvy: Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin' across your face.
Shelby: Pink is my signature color.
(Referring to her daughter's many pink wedding decorations) M'Lynn: That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I am just about at the end of my rope with you. Drum: Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it 'round your head?
Truvy: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past. Clairee: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past. Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.
Clairee Belcher: All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, M'Lynn, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!
Ouiser Boudreaux: This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell.
Drum: Ouiser, can we call a truce long enough for me to get a piece of cake? (Ouiser slices him the tail piece of an armadillo cake) Drum: Aww, thanks Ouiser. Nothin' like a good piece of ass.
Annelle: I think we should pray. Sammy: I'd rather eat dirt!
Annelle: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire? Sammy: Beer. Annelle: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine. (dumps the beer out in the yard) Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake! Annelle: Who? Who did you say? Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ! Annelle: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain? Sammy: That's the one. Annelle: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter. Sammy: Oh, Annelle, goddammit! Annelle: I think we should pray. Sammy: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!
Nancy Beth Marmillion: That Jackson is one big hangin' man! Shelby: (annoyed) Yes, I know.
(about the new mayor's wife dancing) Clairee Belcher: Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.
Truvy: When it comes to pain and suffering, she's right up there with Elizabeth Taylor.
Shelby: Well, we went skinny dipping and we did things that frightened the fish.
Annelle: Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.
Shelby: Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much. Truvy: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.
Shelby: I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
Truvy: There's so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.
Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!
Truvy: I'm just screamin' at my husband; I can do that any time!
Clairee Belcher: They were both high. They'd been smokin' everything but their shoes.
Truvy: Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.
Ouiser Boudreaux: The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not as sweet as I used to be.
Truvy: I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.
Clairee Belcher: I love ya more than my luggage.
Ouiser Boudreaux: You are a pig from hell.
Annelle: (quietly) That wasn't a very Christian thing to do. Clairee: Oh Annelle, lighten up.
Ouiser Boudreaux: You are too twisted for color TV!
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm not crazy, I've just been a very bad mood for the last 40 years!
Clairee Belcher: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.
Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
Ouiser Boudreaux: My God, you look different. Have you shrunk?
(Sammy is wearing an Easter bunny contume) Annelle: We'll talk about uncomfortable when you're nine months pregnant!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied. Annelle: I suspected this all along! Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken! Annelle: Not on your first visit! Clairee Belcher: Very good, Annelle! You've spoken like a true smart-ass!
Truvy: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.
Truvy: Smile! It increases your face value.
Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time. Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself.
Clairee Belcher: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Drum, eat shit and die.
Ouiser Boudreaux: You are evil, and you must be destroyed. Clairee Belcher: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.
Truvy: Oh, honey, God don't care which church you go, long as you show up!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time. Clairee Belcher: Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything. Ouiser Boudreaux: Well, that explains a lot.
Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord! Clairee Belcher: A lot she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life. Ouiser Boudreaux: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.
Ouiser Boudreaux: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Truvy: You are playin' hard to get! Clairee Belcher: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.
Clairee Belcher: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.
Sammy: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake! Annelle: Who? Sammy: Christ. Annelle: Who did you say? Sammy: Christ, Christ, Christ! Annelle: Is that our Lord whose name you're taking in vain? Sammy: That's the one.
Clairee: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper what happened today you run over a small child or something?
Clairee Belcher: The older you get, the sillier you get. Ouiser Boudreaux: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.
Clairee: And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week... Ouiser Boudreaux: There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!
Annelle: That is one ugly dog. What kind of dog is that? Clairee: If it had hair, it'd be a Saint Bernard.
Truvy: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14. Clairee: You were brought up right.
Truvy: There is no such thing as natural beauty.
M'Lynn: Shelby, the boys bought the car around. Shelby: What did they do to it? M'Lynn: Well, let me put it this way... If you and Jackson want to practice safe sex, you're all set!
Truvy: I don't like her. I don't think it's natural for a woman to do her own hair.
Tommy Eatenton: (at same time as his brother) Hello Miz Ouiser Jonathan Eatenton: Hello Miz Ouiser. Ouiser Boudreaux: (Makes a face) Ugh! Leave me alone!
M'Lynn: Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a loaded gun at a lady! Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!
Annelle: (stands up after praying) Amen. M'Lynn: (looking confused at Truvy) Was she just praying? Truvy: (rolling eyes, frustrated) Yes. M'Lynn: Why? Truvy: Maybe she's praying for Drew and Belle. Maybe she's praying for us because we're gossiping. Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows! She prays a the drop of a hat these days.
Truvy: Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.
M'Lynn: (crying) I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. (screaming) I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand! (In a firm tone) No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna *hit* something! I wanna *hit it hard*! (continues sobbing) Clairee: *Here*! (Grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn) *Hit this*! Go ahead M'Lynn, *slap her*! Ouiser Boudreaux: (Taken aback and confused) Are you crazy? Clairee: *Hit her*! Ouiser Boudreaux: *Are you high, Clairee*? Truvy: (In a frightened tone) Clairee, have you lost your mind? Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her! Annelle: (in a scared tone) Ms Clairee, enoough! Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn! Ouiser Boudreaux: (snatches away) Let go o' me! Clairee: M'LYNN, YOU JUST MISSED THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME! HALF O' CHIQUAPIN PARISH'LL GIVE THEIR EYE-TEETH TO TAKE A WHACK O' OUISER!
M'Lynn: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.