Static Shock
2000
Static: I put a shock to your system!
Virgil: Hey what are you doing? Frieda: Mr C told us to update the class website Virgil: By writing 10 pages on the Backstreet Boys? Richie: We're not writing a fan magazine we're supposed to be writing news. Frieda: This is news. We're writing a feature article about the impact that music has on popular culture. Daisy: We're using the Backstreet Boys as an example. Virgil: Click here to see Nick's new haircut Richie: Kevin and Brian's weddings. Virgil: Howie's acting jobs? Richie: And of course A.J.'s tattoos. Virgil, Richie: OOH! Daisy: You think we're just a couple of mindless giggling fans don't you? You know? I find that to be insulting. Frieda: Insulting and demeaning. Virgil: Okay, okay we're sorry. Richie: Honest. We appologize. Daisy: Well, you'd better Richie: Although I do think that A.J. looks better with just a moustache. Frieda, Daisy: Definitely. You know that's what I was thinking before... HEY! WAIT A MINUTE? Virgil, Richie: (Virgil and Richie run out of the room after Freida and Daisy run throw everything they can get their hands on at them) Ow!
Replikon: Show's over, pop star! Static: Keep your hands to yourself, fur-fur. A.J.: How'd you find us? Replikon: Adam mentioned that he and Replikon used to work here a long time ago. Now to get you out of here. Ooh! Replikon: You can't hurt me, Static Shock. Wood doesn't conduct electricity, Static. Goodbye! Replikon: (A.J. plays around with a reverb machine and puts the earphones over Replikon's ears) Replikon: Now let's see how you like this? Ahh! Ooh! Static: Thanks! That must have been some wicked reverb you fed him. A.J.: Nope! Just his own bad music.
Frieda: That's weird! Richie: What? Frieda: His tattoo. I thought his Chinese symbols were on the other arm? Daisy: Yeah, they are.
Adam: I'm going to get Virgil. I am SO going to get him.
Richie: Wait! What are you doing? Virgil: I'm logging on to the class website. Richie: You can't do that. Virgil: Why not? Richie: The site crashed. Believe me there's nothing there to see. Virgil: Richie. Let go of the chair. Richie: D'oh! You see it's like this. You're with friends, you talk and next thing you know... Virgil: (shouts) Richie! You told them about A.J.? Richie: No, not really. Virgil: Informed sources indicate that A.J. McLean is here in Dakota. (shouts) Richie! Richie: Those are unconfirmed rumors. That's all Virgil: They posted the address of the recording studio! Richie: Okay it's not my fault. Frieda and Daisy, they forced me to talk. It was double chili cheeseburger with grilled onions.
Daisy: Wait. Frieda: We're reporters. He's so cute. Daisy: I know! (Daisy and Frieda start screaming)
Static Shock: Richie. It's V. Look I couldn't sleep. Richie: Thank you for passing along that important piece of information. Goodnight. Static Shock: Richie. I need you to stay focused. This whole A.J. thing is really bugging me. I think that was Replikon we saw on TV not A.J. Richie: You serious? Static Shock: Like Frieda said his tatoo was on the wrong arm. I figure Repilikon was facing A.J. when he disguised himself so everything got flip flopped. Richie: Yeah. Like looking in a mirror. Then where's the real A.J.? Static Shock: I checked the hotel. He wasn't there. I went by the studio. Same thing. Now I'm at Adam's house and he's gone too. Richie: Poor Adam is probably still down about his deal going bad. There he was about to see his face in every record store in the country. Static Shock: Record store? That's it. Richie I need an adress for a Stone Gas records. Richie: You've got it V. I just hope that Replikon hasn't gone wacko on A.J. Static Shock: You and me both bro.
A.J.: Okay I'm dead. (Static lifts A.J. up and puts him on his flying disc) A.J.: Thanks for getting me out of there. I guess you have fans too? Static: Oh yeah. Can't keep them off of me.
Sharon: That looks good... Hey! We're eating in half an hour. Virgil: Yeah. I saw what you were cooking. I thought that I'd build up my strength. Sharon: By the way. Daisy called. Said something about a big scoop.
Frieda: And while the Backstreet Boys may not be fully appreciated by a few of our more closed minded, immature, reactionary, peers. Daisy: Mmm hmm! Frieda: .they meerly are the pre-eminiment voices of their generation.
Virgil: What's all this for? Sharon: It's for mom's memorial. You are going to make the speech aren't you? Virgil: No! I don't want to do it. Sharon: Virgil! You have to do it. Virgil: It's like I don't exist. Nobody asked me if I wanted to do it.
Robert Hawkins: Virgil? Virgil: Dad. Robert Hawkins: I'm sorry son. I thought you had come to terms with your mother. Virgil: Pops please don't make me do it. Robert Hawkins: Son! You know that I would never force you to do anything that you don't want to do. But if not for me then do it for your mother.
Virgil: Here you go Adam. Hey I didn't know there was a recording studio here? Adam: Yeah it's a trade secret now if you don't mind. Virgil: Hey Slow down. I want to have a look A.J.: Yo Adam. You got them tunes yet? Virgil: Hey! You're A.J. McLean! You're a Backstreet Boy? A.J.: Right on both counts. Let me guess? You have all our CDs. Virgil: Well, No. (A.J. fakes a heartattack) Virgil: But the girls at school. They're crazy about you. A.J.: That's cool. Virgil: One question: why are you with him? A.J.: We're thinking about using some of Adam's music on our new CD. A.J.: (Female voice calls AJ over the loudspeaker) Later. Virgil: No way! Adam, this could be it for you man. Adam: Yeah I know. That's why we have to keep this on the down low. Nobody knows that A.J. is in town and I want it to stay that way. Virgil: No problem. Don't sweat it. My lips are sealed. (Over the telephone) Richie you will not believe who I just saw.
(Sees the mob of fans coming) Adam: RUN! I'll hold them back. A.J.: If you say so.
Adam: There's a back way out. A.J.: Lead on. (Frieda and Daisy peek around the corner) Frieda: That's him! Daisy: Okay. Let's be cool. Remember we're members of the press. Frieda: Right. We're total professionals... (Frieda and Daisy scream)
(Static regains consciousness in the Batcave as Alfred is picking splinters out of his arm) Static: *Ow* What happened?... *Ow* Where am I?... Who are you? Alfred: Batman. Static: I don't think so. Alfred: Just once, I'd like to get someone to believe that.
A.J.: Adam's tunes are hot. I'd sign him if I were you Lester. Lester Biggs: That's high praise coming from A.J. McLean. Rita Velasquez: Rita Velasquez: Artists and Relations so Adam do you have a demo tape or a CD? Adam: Right here. A.J.: I'm telling you it's hot. Rita Velasquez: I'll take a listen and we'll talk later. Lester Biggs: Excuse me for a moment. YO J-LO!
Adam: Thanks for your help A.J.: Anytime. I hope it all works out for you. Replikon: Not if I can help it.
Frieda: I don't care what you say Virgil. A.J.'s not like that. Virgil: Look I know that you and Daisy have mad cap love for the guy but he is just fickled and two-faced. Daisy: Just because we all like Adam's sound doesn't mean A.J. has to. Richie: She's got a point V. Virgil: Way to be on my side bro.
Frieda: Shh! He's on TV. Daisy: Turn it up. A.J.: Yeah I was working with this Adam dude but I just wasn't feeling it. Okay so Adam's tunes were tight but they were synthetic. Me? I'm all about the real. You know what I'm saying? Virgil: Yeah right!
Static: Gear, you okay, bro? Gear: No! My one chance to tag team with Superman and I miss it because I bust my ankle! (Superman looks at Gear's ankle with his x-ray vision) Superman: Nothing's broken. Looks like just a bad sprain. You'll probably have to keep off it for a few days. Gear: Wow, I just had my ankle x-rayed by Superman! I'm never gonna wash it again!
(Static fights an army of giant mechanical clowns) Static: This clown posse really IS insane!
Static: So you guys on tour or something? A.J.: No. I'm working with this songwriter Adam Evans. Have you heard of him? Static: Yeah. When he's not writing songs he's my sidekick Rubberband Man. A.J.: So that explains the purple underpants. Static: So why are you working with him? A.J.: Adam's beats are on the one and he's great to work with. Static: I might argue with you about the work part but I've gotta admit... I like Adam's music.
Static: Well, I've gotta jet. Do yo mind? It's for a friend. A.J.: What's her name? Static: Just make it out to V. Static: Thanks. A.J.: Anytime.
Richie: Still working on your Backstreet Boys shrine? Frieda: We're busy Richie. Richie: That's too bad because I know something about a certain boy group that you might want to hear about but I ain't talking. Daisy: What could you possibly know about the Backstreet Boys that we don't? Richie: Two words... LO-CATION. Frieda: What do you mean? Richie: Ah I will say no more. Once a secret gets into the ole Foley vault it stays locked. Daisy: Well, then... Frieda: Who's up for a cheeseburger (Richie looks disgusted)
Sharon: Come on Virgil we're running late. Virgil Albert Hawkins get out here now. Virgil: Sharon. My name is never to be spoken aloud. You know that.
Static Shock: Hey Chief! Seen any good TV lately?
Virgil: Adam! Look I'm sorry for running my big fat mouth off. Especially to someone who has a bigger, fatter, mouth than me. Sharon Hawkins: Zip it Virgil! Virgil: I'm just trying to appologize. Sharon Hawkins: He doesn't want to hear it right now. Adam: The deal's off. A.J. doesn't like my music after all. Virgil: Adam your tunes are tight. There must be some sort of mistake? Adam: No this came from the horse's mouth. Man I thought A.J. was feeling me but I was getting played like a sucka this whole time. Gah! Sharon Hawkins: Adam!
Batman: How are you Virgil? Virgil: Wait? How did you know my name? Batman: You probably shouldn't carry around your ID in your in your pocket.
(A.J. turns around and gasps) Replikon: Wassup A.J.? Meet A.J.
Rita Velasquez: Lester we have a big problem here. What if they wreck the studio? Think of the expense? Think of the lawsuits? A.J.: Think of the publicity. In Dakota today A.J. McLean and his new discovery Adam Evans attract thousands of devoted fans. Rita Velasquez: Lester cancel the call to 911 but send a photographer over.
Replikon: Yo Backstreet Bum. Lester Biggs is going sign Marvin Roper, me, to an overall deal. Mansions, stretch limos, I'm going to live on the hills. A.J.: Yeah in a penthouse prison cell. Replikon: Ah ha ha! He's just a funny pop star. After I get through with you, you won't be laughing. A.J.: Is that right? Replikon: You see I was just keeping you around to make sure my imitation of you looked real but now that I have my record contract... All you're good for is lunchmeat.
(singing Everybody Backstreet's Back) Virgil: Ahh de phone. Hello? Dis is chef Virgil. Adam: Hi Virgil. Is Sharon there? Virgil: No she's not. Can't you tell by my good mood? Adam: Shoot! I need my CD back right now. Virgil: I can bring it. Adam? Adam: Okay I'll give you the directions but you have to come by yourself. Understand?
Adam: This is not the way to go about it Static. Static Shock: I've got to find Puff! She's the reason why Daisy got hurt. Rubberband Man: She got hurt because you were busy showing off and you know it.
Talon: It's too bad it has to be this way Robin. You and I are birds of a feather. Robin: (hogties Talon) I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've heard that joke.
Adam: I've waited for a long time but this deal proves that if you stick to your dreams they'll come true. Richie: Our friend is going to be a star. Think about it V. Superstretch limos, craft service munchies. Virgil: Richie, he's in a really tough business. One minute you're the hottest thing around the next you're in the close-out bin. Daisy, Frieda: Hi guys. Virgil: Who's that on your shirt? Daisy: Adam of course. Frieda: He's so cool. Virgil: Then again there's nothing wrong with being a one-hit-wonder. (rapping) My name is Virgil and I'm here to say nobody sings and raps my way. Richie: I'm his pal Richie and I must agree. Together we make great harmony. (beatboxing) Daisy: Friends of yours? Frieda: Nope. Never seen them.
Virgil: Hey Daisy. You're getting counseling too. Daisy: Everyone who was involved is getting counseling. Virgil: What about him? Daisy: He's getting community service and so are his buddies.
Lil' Romeo: (Lil' Romeo has been captured by Leech, who thought he was Static) Back off! Mess with me, you have to mess with my posse. Leech: Do you really think I'm afraid of some street gang? Lil' Romeo: Street gang? Dawg, I'm talkin' about my lawyers.
Freida Goren: Look, it's Static and Gear. Daisy Watkins: And, as usual, Virgil and Richie are nowhere in sight. (pause) You don't think... Freida Goren: No, it couldn't be.
Richie Foley: (as they're trying to stop a damaged plane, falling out of the sky) I'm gonna try to land on Woodward Avenue. Static: There are cars down there. Richie Foley: I know. This thing got a horn?
Static: (to Hotstreak) I'd get a refund on those Anger management classes if I were you.
Static: I don't believe we've been introduced. Omnifarious: Omnifarious. Static: You're nefarious? Omnifarious: Omnifarious! It's my name! It means many forms. Static: Dude, I go to public school. Latin's an elective.
Adam: Marvin? Marvin Roper: Adam? Static: You two know each other? Marvin Roper: Yes we were producing partners back in the day. Adam: Yeah now we're ex-partners. He promised me that he could make me a star until I found out he was all talk and no action.
Virgil: (to Gear) Oh, shoot, I forgot about Daisy. We were going to have a study date. Daisy: (sitting at a resturaunt table by herself) Ugh. What made me think he'd ever change?
Virgil: Yo, bro! What's that? Plans for a particle accelerator? Richie: (sighs) Yeah. Virgil: (blinks) I was kidding!
Mrs Barnett: Let's get out of here... Oh. What's happening to my beautiful body? Toyman: I may be a fool for love, my dear but I'm no dope. Oh, it's just a new element that I added to your body just in case you tried to betray me again. Mrs Barnett: What have you done? Toyman: Right now the nactinides are liquifying your new body and (singsong) I have the antidote. (Toyman throws the antidote into a nearby vat of acid.)
Kevin: Well, well, well. If it isn't little Jimmy Osgood. Jimmy Osgood: (pointing his father's gun) Yeah, and I've got a way to protect myself. Kevin: (classmates gasping) Come on, Jimmy put the gun down. That's not funny. Jimmy Osgood: You know what else isn't funny? Breaking my computer isn't funny. Shoving me into the gym lockers and humilliating me in front of everyone isn't funny. Kevin: You're right. I'm sorry Jimmy. Jimmy Osgood: No, you're not. (Static Shock suddenly bursts into the school gym shortly before the gun goes off hitting Richie in the leg) Richie: Ow! Ow! It's not like on TV.