Star Trek: Voyager
1995
The Doctor: As appealing as that sounds, I'm a doctor, not a dragonslayer.
Seven of Nine: Nevertheless, I am willing to explore my humanity. Take off your clothes.
Captain Janeway: There are three things to remember about being a starship captain: Keep your shirt tucked in, go down with the ship, and never abandon a member of your crew.
Tuvok: You're in love with a computer subroutine?
(repeated line) The Doctor: Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
(after Seska is unmasked as a Cardassian spy) Seska: If this had been a Cardassian ship, we would be home now.
Captain Janeway: We're Starfleet officers. Weird is part of the job.
Captain Janeway: Coffee. Black. Neelix: Uh, sorry, Captain. We lost two more replicators this morning -... Captain Janeway: (seizing Neelix by the shoulders) Listen to me very carefully because I'm only going to say this once. *Coffee*. Black.
Captain Janeway: There's coffee in that nebula.
Captain Janeway: Who wanted to muck around in the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics?
Captain Janeway: Mr Kim... At ease, before you sprain something.
Jarvin: In case you want to take over the ship... you have our full support. Chakotay: If I ever hear you talk that way again, I will personally throw you in the brig for mutiny.
B'Elanna Torres: How the hell do you know when we're having intimate relations? Seven of Nine: There is no one on deck 9 section 12 who does not know when you're having intimate relations.
Captain Janeway: Mind melds... the last time I heard the words "my mind to your mind", I had a headache for two weeks.
The Doctor: I'll complain if I want to. It's comforting.
Neelix: I feel like I'm all alone. The Doctor: You *are* all alone. I'm only a holographic projection.
Seven of Nine: You will be assimilated. Neelix: No time for that now. Maybe later.
Seven of Nine: You would deny us the choice as you deny us now. You have imprisoned us in the name of humanity yet you will not grant us your most cherished human right - to choose our own fate. You are hypocritical, manipulative. We do not want to be what you are. Return us to the Collective! Captain Janeway: You lost the capacity to make a rational choice the moment you were assimilated. They took that from you. And until I am convinced you've gotten it back, I'm making the choice for you. You're staying here. Seven of Nine: Then you are no different from the Borg.
The Doctor: Seven. Please state the nature of the medical emergency. Seven of Nine: I have a date.
Captain Janeway: Time travel. From my first day on the job as captain I promised myself I'd never let myself get caught up in one of these God-forsaken paradoxes. The future's the past, the past is the future. It all gives me a headache.
Chakotay: I can't tell you. Captain Janeway: Why not? Chakotay: The Temporal Prime Directive.
Tuvok: Shall I flog them as well?
Captain Janeway: I have a boyfriend that malfunctions.
Chakotay: You were working for her. She was working for them. Was anyone on that ship working for me?
Kes: Is something wrong? The Doctor: Yes. Terribly wrong. Your brain is not on file.
Voyager Computer: Warning. Last chance to be a hero, Doctor.
(Just before ramming Voyager into an alien ship) Captain Janeway: Time's up.
Harry Kim: That'll tear the ship apart. Chakotay: Then tear her apart!
Tuvok: I am curious. Have the Q always had had an absence of manners, or is it the result of some natural evolutionary process that comes with omnipotence?
Captain Janeway: Doctor, I forgot about you. The Doctor: How flattering.
Tom Paris: When a bomb starts talking about itself in the third person, I get nervous.
The Doctor: What did he ingest? B'Elanna Torres: Just a cup of Neelix's coffee. The Doctor: He's lucky to be alive.
Tom Paris: I think I'm in trouble. Harry Kim: What's new? Tom Paris: I think I'm in love. Harry Kim: What's new?
Tom Paris: If you hear muffled screams, consider that a request for a beam out.
Kes: On my home-world it's much simpler. You choose a mate for life. There's no distrust, no envy, no betrayal. The Doctor: Your world must have very dry literature.
B'Elanna Torres: Get the cheese to sickbay. The Doctor should look at it as soon as possible.
Dr Ma'Bor Jetrel: Something as large as science will not stop for something as small as man.
Chakotay: (loudly) You've made this one lousy day for me Torres.
Freya: Schweitzer. A hero's name.
Dr Zimmerman: The last beautiful woman who walked in here turned out to be him. The Doctor: I'll take that as a compliment.
Q: (lecturing his son, the eponymous Q2) If the Continuum has told you once, it has told you a thousand times: DON'T... PROVOKE... THE BORG!
Q 2: Does Kadis-Kot have explosions? Neelix: No. Q 2: Then I'm not interested.
(the captain of a Federation time-travel ship is arrested) Lieutenant Ducane: I'm arresting you for crimes... you're going to commit.
(a dying Borg drone speaks to Seven, who is visibly distressed) Seven of Nine: You are hurting me. One: You will adapt.
The Doctor: I'm a Doctor, not a counterinsurgent.
Seska: I won't play these games with the trick of light. The Doctor: Sticks and stones won't break my bones, so you can imagine how I feel about being called names.
The Doctor: Stop breathing down my neck! EMH #2: My breathing is merely a simulation. The Doctor: So is my neck, stop it anyway!
(during the birth of B'Elanna's baby) The Doctor: Will you relax? B'Elanna Torres: If you tell me to relax one more time, I'm going to rip your holographic head off! The Doctor: I hope you don't intend to kiss your baby with that mouth.
(During the birth of B'Elanna's baby) The Doctor: Klingon deliveries can sometimes take days... (B'Elanna grabs him and screams) The Doctor: But I'm sure that won't be the case here.
(Last line of the series) Captain Janeway: Set a course for home.
(the Borg Queen receives a virus) Admiral Kathryn Janeway: Must be something you assimilated.
Tom Paris: Well, Harry and I wanted to explore the station. We wanted to broaden our understanding of alien cultures and... Captain Janeway: Skip the recruiting speech, you were looking for a bar.
(In reference to the Qomar) Tuvok: They are interfering with normal ship business. Captain Janeway: Since when has business on this ship ever been normal?
Seven of Nine: Fun will now commence.
Tom Paris: I was hoping our daughter would be special, but I never dreamed she'd turn out to be the Klingon Messiah.
Tom Paris: The only Klingon I'm afraid of is my wife after she's worked a double shift.
Captain Janeway: Dismissed. That's a Starfleet expression for "get out".
Harry Kim: (commenting on Paris' fighting technique) You punch like a Ferengi.
Captain Janeway: I won't be your prisoner. You'll have to kill me. VoyagerComputer: Acknowledged.
(Janeway is holding a dog Q gave to her) Female Q: What are you doing with that dog? (Q and Janeway turn to the dog) I'm not talking about the puppy.
(20th century clothes) Captain Janeway: What will we need to pass as locals in this century? Tom Paris: Simple. Nice clothes, fast car, and LOTS of money.
(seeing the Q-mating ritual, merely a touch of the index fingers) Captain Janeway: What? That's it? Q: You had your chance. Now don't come complaining about it!
Tom Paris: I guess I'll just have to tell B'Elanna you thought you couldn't beat her. Seven of Nine: You are attempting to appeal to my vanity. Tom Paris: Is it working?
The Doctor: An injection a day keeps space sickness away. (crew man looks at the doctor funny) The Doctor: You try being funny after treating 36 cases of space sickness.
Captain Janeway: Before you continue, let me remind you what happens to bearers of bad news. Chakotay: Don't kill the messenger. Captain Janeway: Go ahead. Fire away.
Harry Kim: When I think about everything we've been through together, maybe it's not the destination that matters, maybe it's the journey, and if that journey takes a little longer, so we can do something we all believe in, I can't think of any place I'd rather be or any people I'd rather be with. Tom Paris: To the journey. Chakotay: Hear here.
Vidiian doctor, Danara Pel: (to the EMH) According to my readings, you are not here. The Doctor: Believe me. I wish I weren't.
(convinced he's dying) Tom Paris: Here lies Thomas Eugene Paris, beloved mutant. The Doctor: You're too stubborn to die, Mr Paris.
Tuvok: Vulcans do not smile.
Tuvok: Vulcans do not dance.
Seven of Nine: Your appeal to my humanity is pointless.
Q: You're playing hard to get. Captain Janeway: As far as you're concerned, Q, I'm impossible to get. Q: Goodie! A challenge!
Q: I know that you're probably asking yourself, 'Why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to mate with a scrawny little bipedal specimen like me? Captain Janeway: Let me guess! no-one else in the universe will have you! Q: Nonsense! I could have chosen a Klingon Targ! A Romulan empress! A Cyrillian microbe! Captain Janeway: Really? I beat out a single-celled organism? How flattering!
Q: Is it the tattoo? Because MINE'S BIGGER! Captain Janeway: Not big enough,
Female Q: The Vulcan talent for stating the obvious never ceases to amaze me.
(to Seska about lying) The Doctor: I was inspired by the presence of a Master.
(Dr Zimmerman talking to his EMH) Dr Zimmerman: Reginald was right about you. You have exceeded the sum of your program. You've accomplished far more than I could have ever predicted. But let's face facts, you never overcame the inherent flaws in your personality subroutine. You're arrogant. Irritable. A JERK, as Counsellor Troi would say. The Doctor: I believe she was describing you as well. Dr Zimmerman: Don't change the subject.
The Doctor: Seven of Nine, how's my favorite Borg today? Seven of Nine: Annoyed.
The Doctor: The Borg: party-poopers of the galaxy.
Seven of Nine: You are individuals. You are small and you think in small terms.
Seven of Nine: Take me back to my own kind! Captain Janeway: You ARE with your own kind - humans. Seven of Nine: I don't remember being human. I don't know what it is to be human!
Seven of Nine: (to Janeway) Your attempts to assimilate this drone will fail. You can alter our physiology but you cannot change our nature. We will betray you. We are Borg.
Tuvok: Mr Neelix, I do not need to hear the life history of my breakfast.
Leonardo da Vinci hologram: There are times, Catarina, when I find myself transfixed by a shadow on the wall, or the splashing of water on a stone. I stare at it, the hours pass. The world around me drops away, replaced by worlds being created and destroyed by my imagination.
(Talking about the hologram she has become interested in) Captain Janeway: You know the story. Girl meets boy, girl changes boy's subroutines.
The Doctor: (to Seven about Icheb) I must prove to him that persistence is futile.
B'Elanna Torres: The Borg wouldn't know fun if they assimilated an amusement park.
(When attacked by a fleet of small ships) Captain Kathryn Janeway: It's like being pecked to death by ducks.
The Borg: You have entered grid 9-2 of subjunction 12. Proceed.
The Doctor: You should know I'm a hologram and can't be bent, spindled, or mutilated, so don't bother trying.
Q 2: Aunt Kathy, help! Captain Janeway: Don't you "Aunt Kathy" me! Q 2: Yell at me later!
Seven of Nine: (examining the clothing the Doctor chose for her) I am unfamilliar with how to wear such a garment. (goes to un-do her zipper) Assist me. The Doctor: (backing away slowly) I think you'll manage...
Tom Paris: (following sabotage of an enemy ship) Who says gremlins in the engine are a myth?
Captain Janeway: (to a replicator that Q2 decided to give a personality to) Coffee, black. VoyagerComputer: Get it yourself!
Tuvok: (after repelling a creature from Voyager's hull) It appears we have lost our sex appeal, Captain.
(Tuvok is meditating) Tuvok: Structure, logic, function, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control.
Chakotay: ... If Neelix has another Talent Night I hope you'll reprise it. Captain Janeway: Oh no, not until certain other people take their turn, the ship's first officer, for instance. Chakotay: Me, get up in front of people and perform? I don't think so. Captain Janeway: Come on, Chakotay. There must be some talent you have that people would enjoy. Maybe I could stand with an apple on my head and you could phaser it off. Chakotay: Sounds great. If I miss I get to be captain.
(the Doctor sees the bridge for the first time) The Doctor: Well... it's bigger than I thought.
(Neelix is throwing assorted cooking implements at an invading Kazon soldier) Neelix: I hope that crushed your skull, Kazon pus-hog!
Tom Paris: But a hologram is just a projection of light held in a magnetic containment field, there's no real matter involved. (the holographic doctor slaps Tom)
Borg Queen: They've left behind their trivial selfish lives and been reborn with a greater purpose. We've delivered them from chaos into order. Seven of Nine: Comforting words. Use them next time instead of "resistance is futile". You may elicit a few volunteers.
(Tom made a movie theater in the holodeck and gives B'Elanna Torres a pair of 3D glasses) Tom Paris: These will make the images on the screen appear three-dimensional. B'Elanna Torres: Let me get this straight. You've gone through all this trouble to program a three-dimensional environment that projects a two-dimensional image, and now you're asking me to wear these, to make it look three-dimensional again? Tom Paris: Great, isn't it?
Harry Kim: Didn't we already pass a tri-nary system like this? Chakotay: Not that I remember, why? Harry Kim: It just seems familiar Tuvok: Perhaps you are experiencing a paradoxical state dependant associative phenomenon. Harry Kim: (puzzled look) Captain Janeway: Déjà vu!
B'Elanna Torres: I've reconfigured the Doctor's optical sensors, and as soon as they're aligned he should be able to detect the microwave signature of the portals. The Doctor: Then I can begin my new career as a tricorder.
Voyager Computer: Warning: Warp core breach a lot sooner than you think.
The Doctor: Doctor to the bridge - I'm day-dreaming again, somebody de-activate me.
The Doctor: You're a woman, Seven. Seven of Nine: Is that an observation or a diagnosis?
The Doctor: Small talk is a vital dating skill. It helps to establish a rapport with your companion. Seven of Nine: Perhaps there's something to be said for assimilation after all.
Seven of Nine: Two hours, thirty seven minutes, thirteen seconds. Tuvok: (puzzled look) Seven of Nine: That's how long we've gone without verbal communication. Tuvok: Why is that remarkable? Seven of Nine: The doctor encourages me to engage in conversation during awkward silences. Tuvok: Did you find the silence awkward? Seven of Nine: No. Tuvok: Nor did I.
The Doctor: Refresh my memory. Which of us has the terrible bedside manner? EMH #2: You're not my patient. The Doctor: My first bit of good news.
B'Elanna Torres: You may have noticed that some of the crew seem a bit on edge when you're around. Seven of Nine: I was Borg. I elicit apprehension.
The Doctor: (Prometheus is rocked by a phaser hit) No. They're Starfleet! EMH #2: What are they doing? The Doctor: Firing on us! EMH #2: They must think Romulans are on board! The Doctor: *They're right!*
Haley: Lt Barclay is here to see you. Dr Zimmerman: I told you I wasn't... Haley: He says it's urgent. Dr Zimmerman: (Relenting) Can't it wait till I'm dead?
Seven of Nine: I understand the concept of humor. It may not be apparent but I am often amused by human behavior.
The Doctor: You heard the man. Run along. I'll reattach any severed limbs, just don't misplace them.
Neelix: Kaplagh! The Doctor: Tallyho.
(Outake from the episode "Worst Case Scenario") Tom Paris: It's Paris and Janeway! Chakotay: How do you know?
(to Neelix) Q: You! Bar rodent!
B'Elanna Torres: You know what they say: a doctor who treats himself has a p'TaH for a patient.
The Doctor: (waking up B'Elanna) Rise and shine! The early bird catches the gaH!
B'Elanna Torres: Under the circumstances, don't you think you really ought to change your program? The Doctor: Now there's an interesting concept: a hologram that programs himself. What would I do with that ability? Create a family? Raise an army?
B'Elanna Torres: It's a sample of residue we picked up in a nebula. The Doctor: A nebula? What were we doing in a nebula? No, wait, don't tell me. We were "investigating". That's all we do around here. Why pretend we're going home at all? All we're gonna do is investigate every cubic millimeter of this quadrant, aren't we?
Tuvok: I would point out there are no demons in Vulcan literature. Chakotay: That might account for its popularity.
Tuvok: Curious. Chakotay: What? Tuvok: That my failure, added to your own, should improve your feelings. Chakotay: Misery loves company, Tuvok.
(Tuvok is setting a trap, using Tom Paris as bait) Tom Paris: Hey, Tuvok, I know it's a little late to ask, but you're sure you've got the logic of this thing worked out? Tuvok: If I am incorrect, we will know it shortly. Tom Paris: Ah, that makes me feel a whole lot better.
Neelix: Captain, please tell Dr Jetrel that I am touched by his tender concern for my state of health, but that I'd rather be immersed in a pit of Krallinian eels than be examined by him.
The Doctor: You're injured. Neelix: (looks at blood on his shoulder) Aaaargh! What's wrong! Is it serious? The Doctor: Don't panic, Mr Neelix. It looks superficial. Neelix: Am I going to die? The Doctor: (inspects the blood) Not unless you're allergic to tomatoes. That isn't blood. It's some kind of sauce. Neelix: (tastes the sauce) Nondoran tomato paste. Ooh, that'll leave a nasty stain.
Neelix: (after defeating a Kazon in the kitchen) No-one gets the best of me in my kitchen!
(the holodeck malfunctions, causing the Doctor to have real sensations) The Doctor: I think I'm hungry! I'm not sure what for, but I'm definitely hungry! This is impossible!
Lieutenant Lasca: Harry, just relax! Harry Kim: Why does everyone say "relax" when they're about to do something terrible?
Neelix: (while fighting with Tom Paris) I'll kill you! Tom Paris: It's too late! I'm betting your hair, pasta already did the trick!
The Doctor: Choose the word that would best describe your pain: burning, throbbing, piercing, pinching, biting, stinging, shooting.
Kes: You've never been sick or in pain. I just wish once in your life you could know what it's like, how it makes you feel vulnerable, and little, and frail. Then you'd understand. The Doctor: I don't have a life. I have a program.
The Doctor: I programmed myself with the symptoms of a 29-hour Levodian flu. Thus I will gain the experience that you suggest would be beneficial to the performance of my duties. (sneezes, and grabs a tissue) Holographic tissue paper for the holographic runny nose. Don't offer them to patients. (blows his nose) Hmmm. Interesting sensation, blowing one's nose. It's my first time.
Captain Janeway: Commander Tuvok finished analyzing your shuttle and presented me with 37 different ways of repelling a Kobali attack. Ensign Lyndsay Ballard: (refering to Janeway's burned roast) Did he include your pot roast?
Ensign Lyndsay Ballard: (referring to Ballard trying to contact voyager over the com) Voyager are you receiving this transmission? Mezoti: My designation is Mezoti. Ensign Lyndsay Ballard: You sound a little young to be working the com. Ensign Lyndsay Ballard: I'm eight.
Lieutenant Stadi: (referring to Paris flirting with her in the shuttle) Do you always fly at woman at warp speed? Tom Paris: Only when they're in visual range.
Harry Kim: (very mad about Paris changing his holographic date into a cow) Tom! Harry Kim: Don't you have anything better to do? Tom Paris: Oh, boy. She really turned on you. Harry Kim: Ha-ha, very funny. Harry Kim: I could have been trampled. Tom Paris: Relax. Harry the holodeck safeties are on. Harry Kim: All right, all right you've had her fun. Now change her back.
Chakotay: (referring to the the sensor scans he just took of that section) I'm detecting two life signs in the aeroponics bay. The sensors must be malfunctioning, they're both reading as Kes.
Captain Janeway: (tapping her comm badge after the ship shakes) Janeway to Bridge. Chakotay: We're under attack, Captain. Captain Janeway: I'm on my way. Leonardo da Vinci hologram: Earthquakes... and idiots. Leonardo da Vinci hologram: Florence be damned.
B'Elanna Torres: Get some rest, Harry. Harry Kim: You may think you're tougher than everybody else, B'Elanna Torres, but I can go without sleep just as long as you can. B'Elanna Torres: Don't make me laugh, Starfleet. And don't make me pull rank on you, either.
Captain Janeway: Mr Kim, can you give me an estimate on repairing the dilithium matrix? Harry Kim: How does 72 hours sound? Captain Janeway: Like 24 hours too long.
(Paris wants to use a shuttle for a dangerous rescue mission) Chakotay: You don't mind if the rest of us give you a little help, do you, Paris? I'd hate to lose another shuttle. Tom Paris: Your concern for my welfare is heart-warming.
Neelix: I will not rest until I see you smile. Tuvok: Then you will not rest.
(Paris has come back from the dead) Tom Paris: What's happening? The Doctor: All of your internal organs are functioning again. In fact, you seem to have an extra one. Tom Paris: What? The Doctor: You have two hearts.
Neelix: I don't suppose you've ever heard of the Vulcan Rumarie? Tuvok: The Rumarie is an ancient pagan festival. Neelix: Full of barely-clothed Vulcan men and women, covered in slippery Rillan grease, chasing one another. Tuvok: That has not been observed for a millennium. Neelix: Well, it's time to bring it back! B'Elanna Torres: (over the com) Lieutenant Tuvok, report to engineering. Tuvok: Acknowledged. (walks away) Neelix: (shouting after Tuvok) I've been thinking of a Rumarie theme for the mess hall next week. Lots of high-fat, greasy foods, and if people want to take off their clothes and chase one another... Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt morale around here.
(Paris has horrible mutations over his body and face) Captain Janeway: How do you feel? Tom Paris: Like a lab experiment gone wrong.
(Paris and Janeway have mutated into amphibian-like lifeforms that have mated and produced offspring) Chakotay: I don't know how I'm going to enter this into the log. Tuvok: I look forward to reading it.
(Paris is delirious) Tom Paris: Do you cry? The Doctor: (looks unsure) It's not in my program. Tom Paris: Shame. (giggles) You know, it's funny. What I remember most about being a kid are the times I spent in my room crying. I liked my room, though. It was quiet in there. People would leave me alone. I'd keep the door locked. Read. Play games. (smiles) I lost my virginity in that room. Seventeen. Parents were away for the weekend. The Doctor: I'll note that in your medical file.
The Doctor: All of us have violent instincts. We have evolved from predators. Well, not me, of course. I've been programmed by you predators.
The Doctor: (to Tuvok) You're on your way back to being normal. Although I'm not sure how the word "normal" applies to a species that suppresses all their emotions.
Captain Janeway: Based on my research, you have been many things. A rude, interfering, inconsiderate, sadistic... Q: You've made your point! Captain Janeway: ... pest. And, oh, yes, you've introduced us to the Borg, thank you very much. But one thing you have never been, is a liar. Q: I think you uncovered my one redeeming virtue. Am I blushing?
Neelix: Why don't we sing a song while we toil, hm? It'll cheer you up. Now, I've been studying Vulcan music. Do you know that lovely tune that starts "Oh starless night of boundless black - Tuvok: That "lovely tune" is a traditional funeral dirge. Neelix: I know. But it was the, er... the most cheerful song I could find in the Vulcan database.