Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home
1986
(McCoy trying to discuss what death was like with Spock) McCoy: C'mon Spock, it's me, McCoy. You really have gone where no man's gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?
Spock: (in response to Kirk pawning his antique spectacles from Wrath of Khan) Excuse me, Admiral. But weren't those a birthday gift from Dr McCoy? Kirk: And they will be again, that's the beauty of it. (to Antique Store Owner) How much? Antique Store Owner: Well, they'd be worth more if the lenses were intact. I'll give you one hundred dollars for them. Kirk: ... Is that a lot?
(Kirk and Spock enter a bus headed for the aquarium... only to exit the bus about 2 seconds later) Spock: (to Kirk) What does it mean, "exact change"?
Punk on bus: (plays loud music on a bus) Kirk: Excuse me. Punk on bus: (doesn't listen) Kirk: Excuse me. Would you mind stopping that noise? Punk on bus: (turns it up louder) Kirk: (louder and firmer) Excuse me! Would you mind stopping that damn noise? Punk on bus: (flips him off) Kirk: (looks at Spock) Spock: (gives the punk the Vulcan Neck-Pinch, much to the delighted applause of the gratefull bus passengers)
Spock: Admiral, may I ask you a question? Kirk: Spock, don't call me Admiral. You used to call me Jim. Don't you remember, "Jim"? Spock: ... Kirk: (gives up) What's your question?
Chekov: Admiral. We have found the nuclear wessel. Kirk: Well done, Team 2. Chekov: And Admiral... it is the Enterprise. (Kirk and Spock look at each other) Kirk: Understood.
(Explaining Spock's odd behavior) Kirk: Oh, him? He's harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the sixties. I think he did a little too much LDS.
(Spock is still learning how to use profanity correctly) Spock: They like you very much, but they are not the hell "your" whales. Dr Gillian Taylor: I suppose they told you that. Spock: The hell they did.
(faced with a 20th century computer) Scotty: Computer. Computer? (Bones hands him a mouse and he speaks into it) Scotty: Hello, computer. Dr Nichols: Just use the keyboard. Scotty: Keyboard. How quaint.
Dr Gillian Taylor: Do you guys like Italian? Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: Yes. Spock: No. Kirk: I love Italian, (looks at Spock) And so do you. Spock: Yes.
Spock: Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth. Kirk: Oh, you mean the profanity? Spock: Yes. Kirk: Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.
Kirk: Spock, where the hell's the power you promised? Spock: One damn minute, Admiral.
(after landing and cloaking a Klingon spaceship in Golden Gate Park) Kirk: Everybody remember where we parked.
Kirk: If we play our cards right, we may be able to find out when those whales are being released. Spock: How will playing cards help?
Dr Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me, you're from outer space. Kirk: No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.
Kirk: Out of the way... Policeman: Sorry, Doctor, I have strict orders... (Gillian moans in pain) McCoy: My God man. Do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate post-parandial, upper-abdominal distention. (they enter the OR) Kirk: What did you say she has? McCoy: Cramps.
(Gillian has just beamed aboard the Klingon ship for the first time) Kirk: Hello, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland.
(Uhura and Chekov are lost and looking to find an aircraft carrier) Chekov: Excuse me I'm looking for the nuclear wessels (a cop looks at him) Chekov: Nuclear wessels.
Disgruntled guy in car: Watch where you're going, ya dumb ass. Kirk: Well, a double dumb ass on you.
McCoy: I mean, I may have carried your soul but I sure couldn't fill your shoes. Spock: My shoes? McCoy: Forget it.
Dr Gillian Taylor: Are you sure you won't change your mind? Spock: Is there something wrong with the one I have?
Scotty: Admiral, there be whales here.
McCoy: What's wrong with you? Elderly patient: I'm waiting for dialysis. McCoy: Dialysis? What is this, the Dark Ages?
McCoy: My God, man. Drilling holes in his head isn't the answer.
Kirk: Mr Spock, have you accounted for the variable mass of whales and water in your time re-entry program? Spock: Mr Scott cannot give me exact figures, Admiral, so... I will make a guess. Kirk: A guess? You, Spock? That's extraordinary. Spock: (to McCoy) I don't think he understands. McCoy: No, Spock. He means that he feels safer about your guesses than most other people's facts. Spock: Then you're saying... it is a compliment? McCoy: It is. Spock: Ah. Then I will try to make the best guess I can.
(Chekov is being interrogated) FBI Agent: Name. Chekov: My name? FBI Agent: (sarcastically) No, my name. Chekov: I do not know your name. FBI Agent: You play games with me mister, and you're through. Chekov: I am? May I go now?
Security Guard: How's the patient, doctor? Kirk: He's gonna make it. Security Guard: He? You came in with a she. Kirk: One little mistake...
Chekov: Cloaking device available on all flight modes. Kirk: I'm impressed; that's a lot of work for a short journey. Chekov: We are in an enemy wessel. I did not wish to be shot down on our way to our own funeral.
Spock: Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?
Dr Gillian Taylor: He's just gonna hang around the bushes while we eat? Kirk: (shrugs) It's his way.
(Kirk has just spoken very abruptly to Scotty) Scotty: He's in a wee bit of a snit, isn't he? Spock: He is a man of deep feelings. Scotty: Aye, what else is new.
McCoy: You realize that by giving him the formula you're altering history. Scotty: Why? How do we know he didn't invent the thing?
Kirk: You're not exactly catching us at our best. Spock: That much is certain.
Kirk: This is good-bye? Dr Gillian Taylor: Why does it have to be good-bye? Kirk: Well, like they say in your century, I don't even have your telephone number.
(interrogating Chekov) FBI Agent 1: (to colleague) What do you think? FBI Agent 2: He's a Russki. FBI Agent 1: That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life of course he's a Russki but is he a retard or somethin?... (Chekov picks up hos phaser, stands up and aims it towards the FBI Agents) Chekov: Don't Move. FBI Agent 1: Okaay, make nice, give is the ray gun... Chekov: I warn you, if you don't lie on the floor I will have to stun you. FBI Agent 1: Go ahead. 'Stun' me... Chekov: I'm very sorry but... (Attempts to fire phaser but it malfunctions) Chekov: ... Heh... It must be the radiation... (Starts running)
(the crew is on a shuttlecraft pondering what their new ship will be) Sulu: ... I'm counting on Excelsior. Scotty: Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts? Kirk: A ship is a ship. Scotty: Whatever you say so... Thy will be done. (the new USS Enterprise 1701-A emerges) Kirk: My friends... We've come home.
Dr Gillian Taylor: Don't tell me you don't use money in the 23rd Century. Kirk: Well we don't.
Klingon Ambassador: There can be no peace as long as Kirk lives.
Gillian: You're not from the military are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes or some dipshit stuff like that? Kirk: No, ma'am. No dipshit. Gillian: Well, good. If that was one thing I would have dropped you off right here. Spock: Gracie is pregnant. (Gillian squeals to a stop)
Kirk: They say the sea is cold, but the sea contains the hottest blood of all. Gillian: 'Whales Weep Not'... D. H. Lawrence.
Kirk: You're half human, Spock, don't you have any god damn feelings about that?
Klingon Ambassador: Behold the quintessential devil in these matters: James T. Kirk, renegade and terrorist.
McCoy: I don't know if you've got the whole picture, but he's not exactly working on all thrusters.
(to 20th Century American interrogators) Chekov: I am Pavel Chekov, a commander in Starfleet. United Federation of Planets Service Number 656-5827D.
(on 20th Century America) Kirk: This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture.
Scotty: Damage control is easy. Reading Klingon, that's hard.
Klingon Ambassador: Vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of the Federation.
Sulu: San Francisco! I was born there!
Kirk: (trying to revive a groggy Checkov) Pavel, wake up... Pavel... Name! Rank! Chekov: (groggy) Name... Chekov, Pavel. Rank... Admiral!
Kirk: May fortune favor the foolish.
Ambassador Sarek: (Starfleet cannot communicate with the probe) It is difficult to answer when one does not understand the question.
(Spock has joined the others at the tribunal) Federation Council president: Captain Spock, you do not stand accused. Spock: I stand with my shipmates. Their fate shall be mine. Federation Council president: So be it.
Scotty: (over the intercom) Alright, Admiral, let's go find George and Gracie!
Lt Saavik: (to Kirk) David died most bravely. He saved Spock. He saved us all. I thought you should know.
Spock: Humans make illogical decisions. Amanda: They do indeed.
Chekov: (with obvious Russian accent) We are looking for the nuclear wessels. Can you tell us where the naval base is in Alameda? Random Passerby: (seemingly unaware that Chekov is Russian) Ooh, I don't think I know the answer to that. I think it's across the bay. In Alameda! (walks off) Chekov: (perplexed) That's what I said. Alameda. I know that. Cmdr. Uhura: (equally perplexed) But where is Alameda?
Punk singer: Just what is the future? / The things we've done and said? / Let's just push the button / We'd be better off dead / 'Cause I hate you / And I berate you / And I can't wait to get to you / The sins of all the fathers / Being dumped on us, the sons / The only choice we're given is / "How many megatons?" / And I eschew you / And I say *screw* you! / And I hope you're blue too...
Ambassador Sarek: As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet. It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character. Spock: They are my friends.
Ambassador Sarek: Do you have a message for your mother? Spock: Yes. Tell her I feel fine.