Sorority Boys
2002
(Jimmy trying to leave) Adam: Hey, hey. Hey, who's your true bro? Huh? Who told you about skanks? It was me, right?
Patty: (through clenched teeth) : Let's try Patty up the middle, ONE MORE TIME.
Adam: (disguised as a woman) Look at me! I'm ugly! I would never fuck me!
Leah: Would you like to share something personal with the crew? Robert... Uh... Ro-berta. "Roberta": Personal? Leah: Mhm. "Roberta": Well, uh, my name is Roberta, and... I'm addicted to porn and I masturbate constantly. (silence - the sorority sisters stare at him) "Roberta": Pillow fight! Pillow fight!
Tri Pi: That bitch had the nerve to call me shallow! (pause) You look SO thin!
Adam: We've been framed. Jimmy: Spence told me you'd say that. Adam: Spence is a lying prick with his ass hairs caught in a twist! Jimmy: He told me you'd say that too!
Spence: You two "Fraternity Brothers" think that because you're next in line, you run the house. WRONG! I am the President! Adam: Hey Dave? Dave: What's that Adam? Adam: I think our President needs to get laid! Spence: Fuck you!
Adam: I look like shit! Dave: No you don't. Adam: Yes I do... I look like shit! Dave: No... you don't! Adam: That's easy for you to say, you're actually pretty! Dave: Oh thanks, you know I just put this together... (Adam gives him a strange look)
Adam: Please be a size 8, please be a size 8... oh Yes!
Leah: I can guarantee you, that guy is wham bam thank you mam! Dave/Daisy: No, no I heard hes a 'hello. How are you? You seem like a person i'd like to get to know. Can I take you out to dinner... Sometime' mam.
Doofer: After we get that mustache, maybe we can do those armpits. and then... we can do your knuckles. And your back, Your legs... your ass.
Leah: Should I get under the table and suck your cock right now? Dave: Right here?
Adam/Adina: MOTHER'S ASS! Why you let them treat you like this? You can't be a bunch of PUSSIES your whole lives!... I HATE this place. Katie: Whoa! P-M-S!
Adam/Adena: I have a FAT ass...
(looking for a dress on clothes rack) Adam: Hmm... I'm sure this would look good... on an anorexic!
Doofer: (while contemplating how to get back the money stolen from the house safe) Though I hardly think this is the appropriate time to ask, but what about the tape? Adam: (sighs) What tape? Doofer: The tape of Adam humpin' the Tri Pis, man. (Adam looks up in surprise) Dave: (turns around) Doofer, what are you saying? Doofer: (cuts to a flashback, Doofer narrates. Doofer stumbles into his room, drunk) I had just gotten done studying for some school when I notice that Adam's speaker was tipped over (trips over Adam's speaker in his drunken haze) Inside of it was a video camera rigged with a motion detector. I carefully traced back the source to a footlocker at the bottom of Adam's closet, which was... you know, already unlocked (Doofer tries to pick and hammer the lock open, but finally succeeds in blowing it off with a revolver) . Inside the footlocker was a video cassette recorder. But naturally, since it was his private property, I didn't touch anything (Doofer hits play on the VCR, which starts up a home video of Adam having sex with a Tri Pi) . You could see the safe right next to his bed! Adam: (enraged) You were watching my tape? Doofer: (under his breath) ... Noooooooo (cuts to Doofer eating popcorn and "cleaning up" with tissue)
Adam/Adina: (noticing a sticky substance on the seat of his skirt) Ah. That's weird. "Roberta": What the hell is on your skirt, man? Adam/Adina: Uh... gum, or something. "Roberta": Oh yeah, what flavor was it? Big fat juicy cock?
Adam: (to Robert, who is eating a grapefruit) Hey! You're eating my bosom!
Frederique: Good Lord, Daisy! You look like a man.
Katie: (shouts) I am not deaf! "Roberta": We should all be so lucky...