Short Circuit
1986
Ben Jabituya: I am thinking she is a virgin. Or at least she used to be.
Ben Jabituya: With excitement like this, who is needing enemas?
Newton Crosby: Where are you from, anyway? Ben Jabituya: Bakersfield, originally. Newton Crosby: No, I mean your ancestors. Ben Jabituya: Oh, them. Pittsburgh.
Stephanie Speck: Life is NOT a malfunction.
Ben Jabituya: Newton, we are wasting valueless time here.
Ben Jabituya: I don't know about you, but I am planning to scream and run.
Ben Jabituya: I am standing here beside myself.
Ben Jabituya: Oooooh. Her pants are blazing for you.
Ben Jabituya: Ooh. Her pants are blazing for you, Newton Crosby. Newton Crosby: Will you grow up?
Ben Jabituya: I am sporting a tremendous woody.
Howard Marner: Crosby, whats it gonna do? Newton Crosby: Howard its hard to say, it's malfunctioning, it may not do anything. Skroeder: But it could decide to blow away anything that moves couldn't it. COULDN'T IT CROSBY.
Duke: Will he kill me if I stop? Ben Jabituya: Who is to say? Duke: Will he kill me if I don't stop? Ben Jabituya: Again I am shrugging. Duke: I'm stopping.
Howard Marner: We're going to need you to surrender the robot. Newton Crosby: Stat? Howard Marner: Stat. Newton Crosby: What does that mean, anyway? Howard Marner: I don't know. But that's not the point.
Howard Marner: I thought they were called Choppers. Skroeder: Well now we call them Huey's. Howard Marner: Well, why wasn't I notified?
Howard Marner: What if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one? Benjamin Jabituya: Nun soup?
Benjamin Jabituya: Who is knowing how to read the mind of a robot?
Number 5: Hey Laserlips. Your mama was a snowblower.
Ben Jabituya: Did she stick her tongue down your throat?
Howard Marner: What does it need input for? Newton Crosby: I don't know; I guess it can't triangulate its position. Howard Marner: That's a simple function. Newton Crosby: Can you triangulate *your* position, Howard? Skroeder: No, I can't. Newton Crosby: Well, then, there you go.
Newton Crosby: Holy shit. Number 5: No shit. Where see shit?
Howard Marner: Who said you could take Number 1? Newton Crosby: Logically, if we need defense against Number 5, this is the best we have. Howard Marner: Great. So instead of 11 million dollars on the loose, now we'll have 22? Ben Jabituya: And plus, we are needing gas money.
Number 5: Number 5 is alive.
(about the robots) Newton Crosby: Originally I had non-military purposes in mind. I designed it as a marital aid.
Number 5: Many fragments. Some large, some small.
Stephanie Speck: This may be hilarious where you come from, but on this planet it's considered rude.
Stephanie Speck: What planet is this guy from?
Number 5: Colt .45. Semi-automatic. (crushes the gun) Play-doh.
Ben Jabituya: I have seen some strange, bizarre drivers, but you. You will be awarded a cake.
Skroeder: Don't tell me that thing's laser is still armed. Ben Jabituya: Bimbo.
Ben Jabituya: Goodbye crazy lady, I enjoyed repeatedly throwing you to the ground.
(when driving a campervan into a fish hung on a wire) Number 5: Fish. Salmon. Sushie.
Number 5: Malfunction. Need input.
Stephanie Speck: Yes, I'd like to speak to one of your head warmongers, please.
Number 5: Nice software.
Number 5: (Reading a Billboard) Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?
Number 5: Beautiful animal... canine... dog... mutt.
Farmer's wife: I hope you took the grass out of the glove compartment.
Newton Crosby: Can you believe it's been five years since I've driven? Ben Jabituya: I would say ten.
Newton Crosby: Are you sure you weren't doing any steering? Stephanie Speck: Yeah, I like to drive off cliffs.
Stephanie Speck: (They're heading for the cliff) We'll be killed! Number 5: Disassemble? Stephanie Speck: Yes, disassemble all over the place!
Stephanie Speck: You're a machine from that dumb war lab - I am so stupid! Number 5: Stupid - foolish, gullible, doltish, dumbell.
Frank: How, robot. Me - friend. Stephanie Speck: Talk computer, not Apache.
Number 5: Well, if you gotta go, don't squeeze the Charmin.
Number 5: Number 5 stupid name... want to be Kevin or Dave!
Number 5: Bird. Raven. Nevermore.
Number 5: Frankie, you broke the unwritten law. You ratted on your friends. When you do that Frankie, you're enemies don't respect you. You got no friends no more. You got nobody, Frankie.
Number 5: Doctor Newton Crosby Ph.D! An idiot!