Rome
2005
(Titus is giving Lucius marital advice) Titus Pullo: When you couple with her, there's a spot just above her cunny, it's like a little button. Now... attend to that button, and she will open up, like a flower. Lucius Vorenus: (aghast) How do you know this about her? Titus Pullo: *All* women have them! Ask anyone!
Lucius Vorenus: It makes no sense. We should have been stopped by now. Why is Rome not defended? Titus Pullo: Our boys scared 'em off, eh? Lucius Vorenus: Soldiers of the Republic do not run, so it must be a stratagem, a trick. Titus Pullo: It's a good trick. Lucius Vorenus: Unless the gods have abandoned Rome... If Mars were watching, he would not allow such a disgrace. Titus Pullo: Maybe he was havin' a crap and missed it.
Atia of the Julii: A large penis is always welcome!
King Ptolemy XIII: (presenting the head of Pompey Magnus) We were going to make him a body, with moving arms and legs, and do a mime show with real animals and everything, and... Gaius Julius Caesar: Silence! (long, heavy silence) Shame on the house of Ptolemys for such barbarity. Shame. Pothinus: But... you are enemies. Gaius Julius Caesar: He was a consul of Rome! (guards draw swords) A consul of Rome. To die in this sordid way - quartered like some low thief. Shame!
Mark Antony: A courier came from Alexandria. Caesar has lifted the siege and massacred the armies of Ptolemy. He is safe and sound, and master of all of Egypt. (laughing) The man is a damn prodigy!
Pothinus: That is not just. Posca: Post mortem interests of this type are legally entailed to the presiding consul, i.e. Gaius Julius Caesar. It's... law. Pothinus: Roman law. Gaius Julius Caesar: Is there some other form of law, you wretched woman?
Titus Pullo: (in a brothel) What's your price, then? Madam: One thousand. Titus Pullo: (swearing) I could have half the whores in Narbo for that, and their mothers! Madam: We're not in Narbo, wherever that might be. Titus Pullo: All right, my dove, we'll pay, but the girl better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her arse on fire.
Atia of the Julii: You fucked your sister! You little pervert!
(Vorenus wakes up to find his horse has been stolen) Lucius Vorenus: Fortune pisses on me once again!
Lucius Vorenus: Do you think of *nothing* but women? Titus Pullo: What else is there? (he thinks) Food, I s'pose.
Niobe: (with admiration while helping Lucius put on his magistrate's toga) Look at you. Titus Pullo: You look like laundry.
Titus Pullo: (wakes up during the night; sees Eirene approaching) (smiles) Eirene. It's good to see you. (she puts a knife to his throat) (gasps, but doesn't fight her) Fair enough. (closes eyes) (she presses in the knife, but hesitates) (peeks) And... i-if-if. If you can't do it... th-that's all right too.
Atia of the Julii: (concerning Servilia's invitation) Why would she want to see me? She hates me! Mark Antony: So do I; that's no bar to friendship.
Gaius Julius Caesar: He refuses to meet me!
Marcus Tullius Cicero: When confronted by a hungry wolf, it is unwise to goad the beast, as Cato would have us do. But it is equally unwise to imagine the snarling animal a friend and offer your hand, as Pompey does. Pompey Magnus: Perhaps you would have us climb a tree!
Cassius: Look now. Look at that. Marcus Junius Brutus: It is a chair. What of it? Cassius: A chair? It's a throne! Marcus Junius Brutus: I believe thrones are generally more decorative. That is decidedly plain, and chair-like.
Atia of the Julii: You. Leave this house this moment. Glabius: I will not! Octavia's my rightful wife. Atia of the Julii: You defy Caesar? Glabius: A fig for Caesar! Atia of the Julii: By the five Furies, if I was not a genteel woman, I would have you flayed, and hung from a bracket at the door!