Rescue Me
2004
Tommy Gavin: He's a junkie, not an omelet.
Tommy Gavin: You want to know how big my balls are? My balls are bigger than two of your heads duct-taped together. I've been in the middle of shit that would make you piss your pants right now. Uptown, downtown, Harlem, Brooklyn. But there ain't no medals on my chest, assholes, 'cause I ain't no hero. I'm a fireman. We're not in the business of making heroes here. We're in the business of discovering cowards, 'cause that's what you are if you can't take the heat. You're a pussy, and there ain't no room for pussies in the FDNY. (to a snickering recruit in the first row) Tommy Gavin: What are you laughing at, shithead? Huh? What's so god damn funny? Recruit: I just... . Tommy Gavin: Shut up! You speak when spoken to. (to the entire upper class) Tommy Gavin: You pussies better pray you don't get assigned to my firehouse. Because I have seen it all. I knew sixty men who gave their lives at Ground Zero. Sixty. Four of them from my house. Vito Castella... found him almost whole. Ricky Davis... found him almost whole, hugging a civilian woman. Bobby Vincent... found his head. And my cousin, Jimmy Keefe, my best friend. You know what they found of him? What I was able to bring back and give to his parents? A finger. That's all. A finger. These four men were better human beings and better firefighters than any of you will ever be. Firefighting Class Instructor: Say "thank you," firefighting upper class! Firefighting Upper Class: Thank you, Firefighter Gavin, sir!
Chief Jerry Reilly: Look, what are the odds of you guys actually, you know, breaking up? Tommy Gavin: (In disbelief) There's a pool on my divorce? Chief Jerry Reilly: Nooo... . Yeah.
Chief Jerry Reilly: What in the sweet chocolate Christ is a metrosexual?
Franco Rivera: In bed, she's a wonder. Out of bed, she's the jolly green goddamn giant. Best piece of ass I ever had.
Coroner: Um... she's dead. Her neck is broken. Died instantly. Tommy Gavin: I was just talking to her!
tough guy: We're friends of Roger's. Tommy Gavin: What're you gonna do, audit me?
Tommy Gavin: Listen, you can meet a guy's ex-girlfriend in a bar and feel her up. Kenny Lou: Yes. Tommy Gavin: You can be in a bar, meet a guy's ex-wife, and? Kenny Lou: (makes circular gestures on his chest) Titty action. Tommy Gavin: Titty action. You can even grab his sister's ass while the guy is in the same bar. Kenny Lou: Yes you could. Tommy Gavin: And it would all fall under the giant unbrella rule of, "Sorry, I was drunk." Kenny Lou: Like Visa and Mastercard, accepted the world over. Tommy Gavin: In fact, that's why the rule was invented all those years ago, by the... Romans? Kenny Lou: Earlier than that, my friend: the Druids! Tommy Gavin: (counting on his fingers) But girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, sister, half-sister: (sweeps his hands) No pussy!
Tommy Gavin: My cousin, the priest, said it's all apart of God's plan, like God's got a plan. You know what, if there is a God, then he's got a shit load of explaining to do.
Chief Jerry Reilly: There's no probably about it. I've seen the pictures. She's more of a man than I am.
Tommy Gavin: Listen sweetheart, you got two things you can do while you're in this house: you can give me a blowjob or you can go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich. I'm not in the mood for head today and I had a late lunch, so you're shit outta luck.
Tommy Gavin: Let me tell you something, sister, you serve two purposes in this house - you can give me a blow job or make me a sandwich. I'm not in the mood for head and I had a late breakfast, so you're shit out of luck.
Tommy Gavin: The harder I work, the luckier I goddamned get.
Tommy Gavin: There's no golden ring at the end of the ride... it's all bullshit.
Tommy Gavin: Bless me father for I sinned... and so have you.
Uncle Teddy: (after a suicide attempt) Is this heaven? Tommy Gavin: No, it's my *garage*!
Recruit: (a woman has been burnt to a crisp) Ugh! That's no right! Tommy Gavin: Yeah, I won't be orderin' the crispy beef from that Chinese place any time soon.
Kenny Lou: "Mint Pussy". Probably one of *the* worst Ben & Jerry's flavors ever.
Sean Garrity: (the FDNY is losing the hockey game and Kenny Lou is going to lose 500 dollars on the game) Man, I'm gonna lose my 25 bucks. Kenny Lou: (looks at Sean for a few seconds. Takes out lighter and lights Seans pants)
Chief Jerry Reilly: (watching Sean Garrity and Probie playing Scrabble) Look at this - a meeting of the minds and the minds are a no-show.
Chief Jerry Reilly: Blessed screaming Jesus on a whole-wheat goddamn cracker.
Janet Gavin: (to Tommy sometime after their son, Connor, was killed by a drunk driver) You can rescue a little girl whom you don't even know from the third story of a burning building, but you can't keep an eye on your own son?
Uncle Teddy: (in Tommy's house, the kitchen is an absolute mess) Hey, Tommy! Check it out! I made chili tonight! Tommy Gavin: Yeah, no shit. What did ya do, mix it with a goddamn shotgun?