Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical

2005 (TV)

Sally DeBains: So, how tall are you, Jimmy? Jimmy: Five feet, nine inches. Sally DeBains: Let's forget the five feet and concentrate on the nine inches.

Jack Stone: Quit squawkin'. You got more static than the radio.

Mary Lane: Bunnies? I don't know what you're talking about but I like the sound of it!

Mary Lane: I think I've been shot! (collapses, Sally screams) Sally DeBains: She fell down!

Mary Lane: Say, is this a fraternity sweater? Is Jimmy hanging out with college boys? Ralph Wiley: Why, yes, yes, he is. We at Phi Beta Cannabis were so taken with Jimmy, we decided to pledge him... early... while he's still in high school... to avoid the rush. Mary Lane: Well, that's the bee's knees! Wait 'til that Suzy Mayberry hears about this! Ralph Wiley: Let's celebrate... with a smoke! Mary Lane: Hold on! This isn't that reefer I've read about, is it? Ralph Wiley: Oh, no, of course not. This is a special cigarette. All the rage with the college girls... in Paris. Mary Lane: Paris? Ralph Wiley: Oh, yes. Mary Lane: Well, if I'm going to be dating a fraternity man... (Ralph shoves a reefer stick in her mouth)

Lecturer: (as FDR) You know, a little orphan girl once told me that the sun will come out tomorrow. Her adoptive father was a powerful billionaire, so naturally I repressed the urge to laugh in her face.

Lecturer: When danger's near, exploit their fear.

Sally DeBains: Yes, I'm waiting for your business in this carnal carnivale. Take a one-way ticket to the Bacchanal. So come on Jimmy, come on give me, *reefer love*!

Jimmy Harper: There's blood on my hands, and mud on my name. My id threw a party and everyone came. My innocence ravished, my virtue devoured, I can't count the strangers with whom I have showered!

Mary Lane: (singing after smoking a joint) I feel a little naughty. Ralph Wiley: Maybe I'll help you relax! (giggles) Mary Lane: I'll tie you up with phone cord. We'll play with whips and nipple clips and candle wax! Ralph Wiley: Now hold on, Mary Sunshine. Let's not get carried away! Mary Lane: Just call me Mary Juana and Mary's got some scary little games to play! I'll lather you up... Ralph Wiley: Who, me? Mary Lane: And give you a shave... Ralph Wiley: *Shave*? Mary Lane: I'll paddle you while straddling my little slave! Ralph Wiley: Hey, now! Mary Lane: Down on your knees! It's pointless to fight! Save your strength, it's gonna be a lengthy night! Ralph Wiley: Help! This crazy tomato's raping me!

Mae Coleman: I can't believe we're just gonna let Jimmy die. Sally DeBains: The kids is yesterday's headlines, and There's nothing we can do about it. Ralph Wiley: (overturning the table) (shouts) Ralph Wiley: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Sally DeBains: You shut up! What're you? Nuts? Ralph Wiley: (crazy look) I'm... *fine* Perfectly... in... control.

Mr Paul Kochinski: You can't believe everything you read and that don't make me a commie! Lecturer: Mr Kochinski, Mr Hearst is a fine American businessman and a graduate of Harvard University. Where did you matriculate? Mr Paul Kochinski: Huh? Lecturer: Ma.tric.u.late. It means where did you go to college? Mr Paul Kochinski: Well... I... I didn't.

Jesus: Jimmy. Take a hit of God instead, you think you can handle the high? Eh eh eh.

Mary Lane: Jimmy, what are you doing here in the middle of the night? It's almost nine p.m.!

Sally DeBains: Join the wonder dance. Lose the underpants! Jimmy: No!

Ralph Wiley: Help! This crazy tomato is raping me!

Mae Coleman: Though the fun sometimes escapes me when Jack gets stoned and rapes me!

Jimmy: I've got a new god now!

Mary Lane: Don't you run! I'm not done! Can't you tell we've just begun? What's your rush? You're not having fun? Ralph Wiley: No, I'm really not!

Mae Coleman: Aww Jack, this kid can't be more than 15. Jimmy: Oh 16, madam. Mae Coleman: The name's Mae. And a madam runs a different kind of house.

Sally DeBains: What a night. I was in more laps than a napkin.

Sally DeBains: Tonight you and me are gonna break out like the measles!

Lecturer: Do your children enjoy jazz music? For I am here to tell you that Cab Calloway, Dizzy Gillespie, Duke Ellington, and the whole weed-blowing ginger-colored lot are merely masquerading as musicians and are, in fact, agents of evil. Reefer slows down the smoker's sense of time, allowing him to squeeze in unnecessary grace notes, giving this voodoo music the power to hypnotize white women into indulging in acts of unspeakable degradation.

Mary Lane: Is your finger swollen? Are you putting on weight? Jimmy: Maybe. Lately, I seem to be hungry all the time. Mary Lane: A moment on the lips, forever on the hips!

Mae Coleman: You once had all the brains now they're just carpet stains!

(after selling her baby to a stereotypical Chinese man holding a pair of chopsticks) Sally DeBains: It's not true what they say about you people eating babies, is it? Asian Guy: (to Sally) Oh, no. (to her baby) Care to stay for DINNER?

Lecturer: Creeping like a communist, it's knocking at our doors, turning all our children into hooligans and whores!

Sally DeBains: (leaving the scene of a car accident) I was never here.

Mary Lane: (after Jimmy kisses her) That was your tongue!

Jack: You like Brownies? Baked 'em myself!

Mary Lane: (dying) We are just like Romeo and Juliet... We're happy, young, and? (coughs) Mary Lane: ?hemorrhaging blood.

Mary Lane: (dying) We are just like Romeo and Juliet... We are young and (coughs) hemorrhaging blood...

Jack: (repeated) See ya in the funny papers.

Jimmy Harper: I can't wait to read the ending! Mary Lane: I can't either! But I bet it turns out real swell! I bet Romeo marries his Juliet... Jimmy Harper: They have a baby Mary Lane: And make lots of friends! Mary Lane, Jimmy Harper: That's prob'ly the way the play ends!

Jimmy Harper: I love it... my brownie! And my brownie loves me too! It's smooth, it's sweet, it's chocolaty... it forms a perfect square! And the bestest part of all is I don't have to share!

Zombies: (singing) Open the gate and abandon hope! / We're the ghosts of the kids that got hooked on dope! Ralph Wiley: We know where it's hot / They are saving us a spot! Zombies: You murdered them, Ralph! / Murdered them! Murdered them! Murdered them! Murdered them! Ralph Wiley: Bad zombies! Shoo! Go away! (runs inside and backs his imaginary pursuers off with a garden hoe) Sally DeBains: He's losin' it, Jack! Jack Stone: Gee, you don't suppose? Mae Coleman: He's liable to crack and spill all he knows! Sally DeBains, Mae Coleman: He's really acting weird! Jack Stone: Perhaps it's time he disappeared / He'd never be missed / I could murder him! Murder him! Murder him! Murder him!

Mae Coleman: Ralph? Sally? We're back! We got take-away from Dim Foo's. Sally? Ralph? (screams as Sally's disembodied head rolls down the stairs) Ralph Wiley: (jumps down the stairs nibbling on Sally's arm. He picks up Sally's head and sings) I found me a snack, it was nice and fresh! Lecturer, Parents: The weed made him hungry for human flesh! Jack Stone: Don't take another step you mug / 'Cause that's a brand new Persian rug! Ralph Wiley: (mockingly runs the bloody end of Sally's head on said rug) Mae Coleman: He's not gonna stop! Mae Coleman, Jack Stone: Murder him! Murder him! Murder him! Murder him!

Joan of Arc: (chorus) Listen to Jesus, Jimmy! Jesus: (singing) Don't let reefer kick you keister! Joan of Arc: (chorus) Listen to Jesus, Jimmy! Jesus: (singing) I'm the Poster Boy for Easter!

Jesus: I've cured a lot of lepers, and I've risen from the dead. How ya doin'? / Is that what it's gonna take to get it through your head? You can touch. / If you keep using reefer to enjoy those teenage kicks / Soon you'll be floating naked in the river Styx / What a fix / Sulfur pools / Torture tools / Separation from your family jewels! The Arc-ettes: Ramma-lamma-they're-gonna-cut-your-ding-dong.

Sally DeBains: (chant) Come on, Jimmy, Come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally/Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally! Jimmy: Umm... no thanks... I don't think I ought to Sally DeBains: (chant) Come on, Jimmy, Come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally/Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally! Jimmy: Um... I have to go now... thanks for having me... Jack Stone: (chant on top of Sally) Take a toke of T-stick, Take a toke of T-stick/Take a toke of T-stick, take a toke of T-stick Mae Coleman: (chant on top of the others) Smoke it, you make choke at first, but then the worst is over/Smoke it, you may choke at first, but then the worst is over! Ralph Wiley: (chant on top of the others) Don't be a chicken!/Don't be a chicken! Lecturer, Parents: (repeated on top of others) Don't, Jimmy! Don't do it! Don't be a fool!/Don't, Jimmy! Don't do it! Don't be a fool! Sally DeBains, Jack Stone, Mae Coleman, Ralph Wiley, Lecturer, Parents: (All chants repeated several times until Jimmy takes a hit) Lecturer, Parents: *NO*!

Jimmy: Someone save me/There's no place to hide/From this salacious/Magic carpet ride! Sally DeBains, Jack Stone, Mae Coleman, Ralph Wiley: Open up your mind!/Let your body soar!/Arms and legs entwined/Cry: More! More More! Jack Stone, Ralph Wiley: If a year goes by, it might seem a day Sally DeBains, Mae Coleman: If a day goes by, it could take a year

Jimmy: You fill my life with all the colors/Of the Sunday funnies/Innocent splendor/Kisses so tender/Softer than a pillow stuffed with bunnies!

Ralph Wiley: (after biting Sally's arm) Jack, I got me the munchies REAL BAD!

Find these movie quotes interesting? Enjoy more classic quotes:

« Redwall Quotes Home Reefer Madness »