Raising the Stakes
2005
Maxwell Selwyn: (while telling them of a vampire antidote) Well, there are some side effects Steve: What kind? Maxwell Selwyn: (holds up a poorly carved vampire stake) Death. Bob: Thank God, I thought you were going to say stick. I'd rather die than be a stick.
Ding Dong Ditch Victim: Holy shit, the vampires are here!
Steve: I thought vampires were supposed to be all hardcore, we ended up being pussies! Bob: Fuck you, dude, I'm not a pussy. You're a pussy. Steve: You're a pussy! Bob: You're a pussy! Steve: Oh, what's this? (pretends to pull a letter from his pocket) It's a letter from the PUSS-R.S., you didn't pay your pussy taxes! Bob: Is that a knock at the door? (walks up to the door and opens it) Holy shit! It's Ed McMahon! You just won a million dollars from the PUSSinghouse Clearing!
Floyd Faukman: The police are not sure whether these are genuine vampires or just people who are mimicking vampires... or Theresa Heinz.
Bob: (a blind man has pulled a gun) Holy shit! It's like Ben Affleck! Blind Guy: Aw, hell no! (starts firing random rounds)
Steve: Just look at Tom Cruise: you know, first he played Lestat and then he got to bang Penelope Cruz. Bob: You know, if they would've got married, do you think she would've been Penelope Cruz-Cruise?