Poor Little Rich Girl
1936
Barbara Barry: Do I have to eat any more of this? Stebbins: Most definitely. Spinach is very rich in vitamins. I might say disgustingly rich, and very good for you, Miss Barbara. Barbara Barry: Why is it so many things you don't like are good for you? Stebbins: I couldn't say offhand, Miss Barbara, but you must eat some more of your spinach. Barbara Barry: Why do I have to? Stebbins: Well, you see, your lunch calls for so many vitamins, and you must have them.
Stebbins: That's the third sneeze. Collins: I'm afraid you'll have to go to bed. Barbara Barry: But I'm not sick. I feel fine! Woodward: Oh, Collins, she's perfectly well. A sneeze is nothing to be alarmed at. Collins: I'm responsible for the child. Come along, dear. Woodward: The child sneezes, and you'd think the world has come to an end. Why can't they leave her alone? She's a perfectly normal, healthy child. The way they carried on here, you'd think she was made of glass! Something ought to be done. Collins: How Mr Barry can stand that woman is beyond me. Woodward: You can't expect a widower and a man as busy as Mr Barry to notice everything that goes on in the house.
Margaret Allen: It seems I can't go anywhere or doing anything with Barry making trouble for me. I hate that man! He causes me more sleepless nights. Richard Barry: Sleepless nights? What does he do, play his trombone under your window or something? Margaret Allen: Everything but that. I lay awake half the night thinking up new ideas, and in the morning I find out Barry's not only beaten me, he's topped me in a thousand ways. I wish he'd drown in his own soap suds. Richard Barry: You in this business? Margaret Allen: Yes, I'm with the Peck Company. Advertising. Richard Barry: I see. I'm sorry you dislike this fellow Barry. He's really not a bad sort. Margaret Allen: Oh, you know him? Richard Barry: Slightly. My barber cuts his hair. Perhaps I could bribe him to cut his throat. Dan Ward: Oh, Mr Barry, do you think she would do? Richard Barry: Let me see. Yes, she'll do very nicely. Dan Ward: Thank you, Mr Barry. That's just what I thought. Margaret Allen: Well, of all the nerve! Letting me talk my head off without even telling me! Just another example of Barry's cleverness, I suppose! Dan Ward: What was she burning about? Richard Barry: I keep her awake nights.
Barbara Barry: Will you read to me from this? Woodward: All right. Which one is it to be? Barbara Barry: It's the one where Betsy runs away from the orphan asylum and meets Tony the organ grinder and his monkey. Woodward: (reading) Betsy Weir was two years old when her mother died. Because the family was poor, Betsy couldn't stay at home, so she was sent to an orphan asylum. Barbara Barry: It was an ugly red brick building far, far away from where Betsy used to live. Woodward: Yes, until a young man came dancing around the corner in a green coat and bumped right into her. "Excuse me," said the young man. "I'm always bumping into things, and that's why they call me Puddin'-Head."
Woodward: Collins just gets panicky every time the child sneezes. Richard Barry: Collins is right. I want every precaution taken. Woodward: Of course I know it's none of my business, Mr Barry, but did you ever stop to consider that the cost of piling up precaution and attention was bad for the child, pampered and babied to death? If I were you, I'd send Barbara to school where she could meet other children. Richard Barry: Well, there may be something in that. Ring up Collins and tell her I want to speak to her. Barbara Barry: I know what Collins will say. Collins always says no. Daddy, why do I always have to play alone? Why can't I play with other children? Richard Barry: Honey, would you like to go to school? Barbara Barry: Oh, goody, goody, goody! Richard Barry: Well, I guess that settles it.
Barbara Barry: Daddy, this house wouldn't be so lonesome if you'd stay home once in awhile. Richard Barry: Well, if I stayed home all the time, there wouldn't be any house.
Barbara Barry: Daddy, marry me and let me be your wife!
Barbara Barry: It's Tony the organ grinder! And his monkey! I know who you are, you're Tony. Tony: Dat's a-right. Antonio's my middle name. Barbara Barry: I'm on a vacation. Do you want to come along? Tony: You a very nice-a little bambina. You go home-a to your mama, eh? Barbara Barry: I have no mama. Tony: Oh, dat's-a too bad. Den go home-a to your papa. Hey, what's your name-a? Barbara Barry: Betsy Weir. I used to live in an orphanage, but they were mean to me, awfully mean, and now I'm on a vacation to see new faces. Your face doesn't look very new. Tony: Well, it's a-good enough for me.
Jimmy Dolan: Don't forget, we've got another radio audition tomorrow. You know, this radio racket is a lot harder than Vaudeville used to be. Remember when we got married? Jerry Dolan: No, and don't remind me. By the way, I'm getting tired of these radio auditions. If we don't get a job soon, I'm going home to my mother. Jerry Dolan: Well, that's better than bringing the old bat here.
Jimmy Dolan: Tony, who is she? Tony: She's an orphan, I tell-a you! She run away, and she a-follow me here. Jimmy Dolan: Jerry, she's a natural. Look at her! Did you ever see a better dancer? Jerry Dolan: Who is she? Jimmy Dolan: She's part of our new act, Dolan, Dolan, & Dolan. What's your name? Barbara Barry: Betsy Weir. Are you Puddin'-Head? Jerry Dolan: I'll say he's Puddin'-Head. What's this all about? Jimmy Dolan: That kid's a novelty, just what we need for our new act. Jerry Dolan: You crazy? What do you know about the child? Jimmy Dolan: Everything there is to know. She ran away from an orphan asylum. Jerry Dolan: Orphan asylum, my ass. Did you notice her hands? They don't manicure at an orphan asylum.
Jimmy Dolan: Now, listen, sweetheart, remember, you're Bonny Dolan, the radio star. Don't use your real name around here. Don't even think about it. Just forget that you're Betsy Weir. Barbara Barry: Are we playing a game? Jimmy Dolan: That's right. Will you play along with us? Barbara Barry: I like games. Jerry Dolan: Now, don't forget, Betsy. Barbara Barry: The name's Bonny Dolan.
Barbara Barry: (singing) My boss Mr Cupid told me to make hearts loop the loop, never ever to sing about the Good Ship Lollipop or animal crackers in my soup.
Richard Barry: Now, Mr Peck, I understand this place is, well, going to pot. I'd be willing to, uh, take it off your hands for you. That is, you understand me to say that I'll buy you out. How much? Simon Peck: Do you have the ignorance to suggest that I'd sell my business to you? Richard Barry: Well, why not? You've been losing money for the past two years, and you're practically broke. Simon Peck: Get out! Get out before I kick you out! Get out!
Barbara Barry: Why do you want me to go? You're all alone, and I'm not doing anything, either. Tell me a story. Simon Peck: I don't know any stories. Barbara Barry: You know, you remind me of old Mr Spindleshank. He's the old grouch in the Betsy Weir story who helps Betsy when she's hungry. Simon Peck: You're not hungry, are you? Barbara Barry: No, I just had lunch, and I did something bad, too. Simon Peck: What you'd do? Barbara Barry: Well, we had spinach, and while Jimmy wasn't looking, I put mine on his plate! Simon Peck: You should've eaten your spinach. It's good for you. Barbara Barry: So I've heard. Simon Peck: Where are you going? Barbara Barry: I'm just going to get along. You told me to. Simon Peck: I never said anything of the sort. All I said was that spinach was good for you.
Margaret Allen: The Dolans will be on in a few minutes, and if you want to hear a radio show, it'll make yours sound sick! Richard Barry: All right, I'll listen. I'll tell you about it at lunch tomorrow.
Simon Peck: Now, remember, my dear, there's going to be a lot of people listening, but you mustn't be nervous, you mustn't be afraid. Barbara Barry: Afraid of what? Simon Peck: That's just the thing, my dear, there's nothing to be afraid of. Barbara Barry: Do you want me to be afraid? Simon Peck: Heavens no, darling! That's why I'm talking to you. Barbara Barry: If I do get afraid, it'll be on account of you talking so much.
Barbara Barry: (singing on the radio) An ordinary day becomes a holiday when I'm with you. Richard Barry: It can't be! Her voice is just like Barbara's! If I didn't know my child was at school ... I'd swear ... Margaret Allen: All children's voices sound a lot alike. It's just that trifle difference that makes Bonny stand out. A proud father probably wouldn't even notice. Barbara Barry: (on the radio) Marry me, and let me be your wife! Richard Barry: It is Barbara! It's Barbara! Margaret Allen: Are you losing your mind? That's Bonny Dolan! Richard Barry: I tell you, it's my daughter! Barbara Barry: (on the radio) Even funny spinach takes like pumpkin pie when I'm with you. Margaret Allen: You're just making a complete idiot of yourself. I know the child and I know her parents! Richard Barry: I'm her parents!
Jimmy Dolan: Listen, darling, tell us the truth. Do you know Mr Barry? Barbara Barry: You won't be angry if I tell you? Jerry Dolan: No, sweetheart. Barbara Barry: Mr Barry's my daddy! Jerry Dolan: Didn't I tell you she didn't jump out of a hat? There's only one thing to do. Take her back to the apartment, telephone Barry where she is, and then duck.
Richard Barry: Sweetheart, how'd you get here? Who brought you here? Barbara Barry: They did. Richard Barry: But where's Collins? What happened to her? Barbara Barry: I don't know. She lost her purse and went away, so I went on a vacation. I found Tony, and then I met Mr and Mrs Puddin'-Head. What are they doing? They're hurting them, Daddy, and they're my friends, my best friends! They saved me from that bad man. Jimmy Dolan: She told us she ran away from an orphan asylum where they were mean to her, and we believed her. Didn't you tell us that, Bonny? Barbara Barry: Yes, but I wasn't telling a lie. I was just playing a game, and they played with me. I never had so much fun in my whole life! But I'm glad to be back with you now, Daddy. Richard Barry: (to the police) All right, this is just a lot of bother. You don't need to hold those people any longer. Simon Peck: Now, wait just a minute! Where do I come in on this? I've got a contract! Margaret Allen: Now, listen, you two have been battling around trying to buy each other out. Why don't you just merge the two companies? Then between you, you could wash the necks of the whole nation. Simon Peck: Merge with him? Never! Barbara Barry: I don't know what that means, but why don't you do it?
Jerry Dolan: I love a military man! Barbara Barry: I love a military man! Jimmy Dolan: I love a military... nurse!