One Good Turn
1931
Oliver: Why you, you... Stanley: Don't you call me a you-you!
Oliver: Now I see it all. Stanley: What? Oliver: "What". Don't try to alibi. You know you stole this money from that old lady. Why guilt is written all over you. Stanley: What do you mean? Oliver: I mean that you're going to give this money back and make a full confession! Stanley: A confession of what? Oliver: And to think after all these years I've been fostering a common theif. A viper in my bosom! Stanley: Whose bosom? What are you talking about? Oliver: Don't try to bluff me! To think you would bite the hand that was feeding you. You snake in the grass. You traitor! You sheep in wool clothing. You double-crosser. You judist! You... You... ! Stanley: Stop! Don't call me a "You-you".
Oliver: We haven't tasted food for three whole days. Old lady: Three whole days! Stanley: Yes ma'am. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Oliver: One good turn deserves another. Stanley: So do I neither. Oliver: What do you mean, "so do I neither"?
(after their tent has gone up in flames) Oliver: Well, our earthly possessions are slowly getting less and less.
Old lady: (Ollie shoves Stan through the door) What on earth is the matter? Oliver: Madam, my one-time friend Mr Laurel has a confession to make. Old lady: Confession? Oliver: Yes. He's the one who stole your money and left you at the mercy of that villain! Old lady: There must be some mistake. Oliver: There's no mistake. It's all too true. Why I caught him red handed. Old lady: There hasn't been any money stolen. We were just rehearsing a play for the community players. (laughs) Oliver: (after long pause; nervously twiddles his tie) I must have made a faux pas. (laughs; Stan proceeds to beat Ollie up)
Stanley: I don't know anything about cutting wood. Oliver: Well, you ought to. You once told me your father was in the lumber business. Stanley: I know he was, but it was only in a small way. Oliver: What do you mean small way? Stanley: He used to sell toothpicks. Oliver: Well, go ahead and make some toothpicks. Be a chip off of the old block.