On Again Off Again
1937
William Hobbs: C'mon, drink your milk. It'll make your hair curly. Claude Horton: I hate curly hair. I don't even like rosy cheeks!
William Hobbs: The servants have all quit. Claude Horton: You're crazy! William Hobbs: There they go, takin' the bus... They said they wouldn't work for a stupid-lookin' egg like you. Claude Horton: And you let 'em call me a stupid-looking egg? William Hobbs: Well, there is a resemblance, sir. Claude Horton: That'll cost you one hundred dollars. William Hobbs: You better make it two hundred. Claude Horton: Two hundred? William Hobbs: I told them what I thought you looked like.
William Hobbs: I can't have Florence see me like this! Claude Horton: Still thinkin' about Florence? I thought my wife was your big interest. William Hobbs: Your wife?... why that frowsy-lookin' frump! Claude Horton: Frowsy-lookin' frump, eh? That'll cost you ninety dollars. William Hobbs: 90? Claude Horton: I'm knocking off 10 percent because I agree with you!
William Hobbs: I'm just beginning to realize what a racket this butlering is. Why don't you become a butler? The rest'll do you good. Claude Horton: Hobbs, as your master, I insist that you be miserable!
Claude Horton: So, my haughty lady... I'm not good enough for you, eh? Nettie Horton: Well, it finally dawned on you. Claude Horton: So you admit that you've been carrying on with the butler! Nettie Horton: Which butler?
(Horton slaps butler Hobbs in the face) William Hobbs: What's that for? Claude Horton: That's for calling me a mongoose. William Hobbs: I called you that weeks ago! Claude Horton: Well, I just saw a picture of one in a book... besides, I'm too tall for a mongoose!
William Hobbs: How much would you charge me to call you a half-witted horse's neck? Claude Horton: A half-witted horse's neck? Now let me see... that'll cost you a hundred. William Hobbs: Make it $75! Claude Horton: What do you think this is... a cut-rate drugstore? One hundred! William Hobbs: One hundred for a little thing like that? Why you cheap, chiseling crook! Claude Horton: That's the hundred.