No Census, No Feeling
1940
Moe: Are you married or happy?
Moe: Now, calm yourself. We're census takers, madam. How old are you? Larry: What address is this? Lady having bridge party: One hundred and two. Moe: You don't look a day over eighty. Lady having bridge party: Young man, I'm twenty-nine. Moe: Oh, yeah? Lady having bridge party: Well, how do I look? Moe: Oh, you look like a million. Larry: Ah, she can't be that old. (Larry and Moe open her mouth and check her teeth.) Forty-three. Moe: Fifty. Larry: Forty-three! Moe: Fifty! Larry: Forty-three! Moe: Fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, (mouth begins to move much faster) fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty... Curly: Sooold American!
Curly: Roses are red, and how do you do? Drink four of these and woo, woo, woo, woo!
Larry: (after all three are unable to find anyone else to interview) Where is everybody? Curly: Maybe it's The Fourth of July. Moe: The Fourth of July in October? Curly: You never can tell... look what they did to Thanksgiving!
Moe: Boy, you got brains like Napoleon. Larry: Napoleon's dead. Moe: I know it.